The Desire Within us
by Wolfshadow31
Summary: When Bella forgets a change of clothes for after her shower, Edward saves the day. But when he picks out a sexy bra and matching panty set for her to wear, how will Bella react? Rated M for future Lemons. Edward & Bella. Pre-Breaking Dawn.
1. Unexpected Change of Clothes

_**The Desire Within Us**_

**A/N: I do not own the characters in this story. All credit for the original idea, characters, world etc go to the wonderfully talented Stephenie Meyer. This story is written by a fan of the saga for fun, and I do not profit on the writing, or the idea in any way. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Chapter 1: Unexpected Change of Clothes**

I woke to the familiar chilling embrace of Edward's arms. Most people would think that would be uncomfortable, but for me...it was the most amazing feeling in the world. Edward's arms...smooth and hard as granite, with their icy touch...comforted me in ways that no blazing fireplace ever could. My mind constantly grappled with the fact that they were his arms, and were wrapped around _me_! I sighed softly at the thought.

Edward made no movement at my sigh. He continued to hold me, unsure if I was waking up, or simply sighing in my sleep. I laid there another minute or so, enjoying the closeness of him. I felt his cool fingers caressing their way down my forearm, and I shivered involuntarily. It wasn't their temperature which caused my reaction, but rather what he was making me feel that caused my body to move of it's own accord.

The light caresses stopped just then, and I felt his hands move to my dark hair. He twirled a stray lock around his finger, and I could hear his light intake of breath as he breathed in the scent of my chestnut hair.

I opened my eyes and saw him looking intently at me. His eyes were like molten amber...blazing fiercely. The way he looked at me sometimes, so intense, it was like he was trying to see right through me. I smiled at him as he registered I was awake now.

"Having fun Edward?" I asked him in a playful whisper.

"Yes, actually..." he chuckled back.

I let out a stifled yawn, and then snuggled into him once more.

"I could stay like this all day" I said contentedly.

"I could too, Bella." he replied happily.

"Mmmmm" was all I could respond with, at the thought of spending the whole day cuddled in Edward's arms.

I looked at him again - my eyes scanning his face. He was so perfect. His face was pale of course, as were the faces of all vampires. I'm assuming of course, but still all the vampires I'd met had similar characteristics. Unusually beautiful, pale, intense eyes, musical voices, and of course their bodies were stronger and harder than steel. How I came to be loved by Edward, the most beautiful specimen on the planet, amazed me. Here he was in all his glory, looking so beautiful as the light penetrated my bedroom, and he only had eyes for me. I sighed again.

"Penny for your thoughts?" his musical voice penetrated the silence.

"Just wondering what I ever did to be blessed with you in my life..." I replied truthfully.

"Blessed...? More like cursed..." he responded seriously.

He considered himself a monster, even though he'd given up drinking human blood years ago. Now Edward and his family survived by drinking the blood of animals. "We're like vegetarians..." he'd once explained to my much amusement. I scowled at his cursed comment. I did not like the idea of Edward comparing himself to a monster. He was, plain and simple, my own personal guardian angel. He'd used his superhuman abilities more than once to save my life. I brought this to his attention frequently, but he always countered that it didn't count if part of the reason I was in danger in the first place was because of what he was. I decided not to use that argument today.

"Well, if this is being cursed...bring in the witch doctors, and voodoo priests because I want more!" I said with a wink.

Edward didn't reply, and just shook his head.

I wanted nothing more at this minute than to pull his gorgeous face to me, and bind his lips with mine. But being human, I couldn't just do that. I still had to put up with all the annoying human experiences such as morning breath, bathroom breaks, and bed-head.

"I need a human moment." I answered his questioning eyes as I reluctantly sat up in bed, and removed myself from his embrace. He smiled back at me.

"Of course, Bella. I'll be right here..." he said unnecessarily.

I knew he wasn't going anywhere. He then sat perfectly still, as I grabbed my bag of toiletries from the desk, and proceeded to the bathroom. I once asked Edward what he did when I was getting ready in the mornings, but he merely replied that he was awaiting my return. I'd never thought about it much before this moment, but I suppose knowing Edward that WAS what he was doing. I imagined him sitting rigid, and stock-still, until I returned to him. Did it feel like time stopped for him when I wasn't there, I wondered? He had more than once told me that without me he did not feel whole, and that he couldn't imagine himself living in a world in which I didn't exist. Was every moment away from me a PAUSE on his actually living, only to have someone push PLAY again when I returned? The analogy seemed comical at first, but I pursed my lips as I thought about it more. That was exactly how I felt about him.

I was still thinking about the PAUSE and PLAY idea as I brushed my teeth quickly but furiously. I rinsed my mouth first with water, and then mouthwash. Satisfied that my morning breath was vanquished for another day at least, I opened the taps for my shower. I adjusted the temperature until it was just right, and smiled smugly as the bathroom began to fill with steam. Yes, a hot shower was just what I needed right now. I wanted all my muscles to loosen up, and I longed to feel the hot spray on my body. I undressed out of my pyjamas, and stepped into the shower.

My pale, delicate skin was assaulted with the hot water droplets, and I relished the warmth on my flesh. I grabbed a wash cloth and lathered it with soap. My hands moved over my skin, as I scrubbed and washed myself. I thought of Edward in the next room, and my pulse began to race. I was naked and exposed now, and Edward was no more than twenty feet away from me. It didn't matter that there was walls and doors in between us. The thought of him being so close to my nakedness had sent my mind wandering. It was no secret that I'd often tried to push the boundaries of mine and Edward's physical relationship much to his constant consternation. He'd argued that in an aroused state he might lose control of his emotions or strength, and in that instant, he could hurt me. I had no such doubts. I knew Edward was strong - I'd watched him literally stop a car from crushing me with his bare hands. And I knew he was strong mentally as well. The fact that he had not lost control of his vampire urges around me although my blood seemed to sing for him to drink it was proof enough for that. But Edward was not as confident in his self control as I was, to my disappointment. I sighed again. I began to wash my hair with the strawberry shampoo Edward liked, and then finished my shower all the while wishing it was Edward's hands on my body, rather than my own.

I turned off the water, and stepped out into the bathroom. I toweled myself off, and realized I'd forgotten to bring a change of clothes into the bathroom with me. I smiled in spite of myself at the thought. "Oh well, I guess I'll just have to return to my room wearing only a skimpy towel..." I thought devilishly. I blinked then, seeing a perfectly folded pile of clothes on the bathroom vanity. It was a pair of blue jeans, and a stretch cotton top. Edward must have realized I'd begun to shower without taking a change of clothes, and had come to my rescue once again.

I grabbed the pile of clothes, and then my body froze. As I moved the pile, a small wisp of blue caught my eye from underneath the green cotton top. My heart thundered in my chest, and my face must have been tomato red now. I lifted the green top from the pile, and my eyes focused on the aqua coloured bra, and matching silk bikini panties that were until now laying underneath. I recognized them instantly as one of the articles of clothing I'd accumulated from his sister Alice's generous and frequent shopping trips. I'd never worn them of course, but Edward wouldn't have known that. That thought abruptly brought something else troubling to my thoughts. WAIT?! WHAT!?!? Edward was in my underwear drawer?!!? Oh dear...

**A/N: Well, that's Chapter 1. Hope you all liked it. This is my first fanfic. Reviews/Comments/Criticism welcome.**


	2. Struggling to Breathe

**Chapter 2: Struggling to breathe**

I couldn't breathe now. I rested my hand against the wall to steady myself, and forced myself to try and take deep breaths. What else would Edward have seen in my underwear drawer!? Just imagining Edward's hands on my most intimate articles of clothing was causing me to hyperventilate. I shuddered to think of what I would be like if his hands were on me, instead of the pieces of fabric designed to cover me. Another chill ran down my spine.

I closed my eyes, and fought to bring my racing pulse under control. If it had been any other guy, I would have been furious at this invasion of privacy. Most guys who hadn't been to second base with their girlfriend might have balked at even opening that drawer. But Edward wasn't some teenage pervert trying to sneak a peak at my intimate apparel like Mike Newton might. He was just coming to my rescue again, as usual. He probably paid no more attention to my underwear than he did to gathering the rest of my clothes. That thought caused me to wince slightly. Did that really bother me? Hmm....it might, I had to admit to myself.

I'd never considered myself beautiful or sexy. But Edward did. Well beautiful at any rate. He'd never actually come out and actually said I was sexy. But that didn't really matter. He was changed into a vampire in 1918, at the age of 17, and back then calling your girlfriend "sexy" would probably earn a boyfriend a nice smack in the face. Edward was always so prim and proper around me, and was always the utmost gentleman in every respect. It was a refreshing change from the hormone crazed boys at Forks High School, but sometimes I yearned for him to be just a little bit less gentlemanly.

My self esteem issues were rearing their ugly head now again it seemed. I knew I didn't deserve Edward. There were so many other more interesting, beautiful, smarter, more graceful, and sexier girls than me in this world. As soon as Edward realized that, he would run and never come back. He'd find someone as perfect as he was, and live his life happily ever after. My heart almost stuck in my throat at the thought.

I shook my head to clear it, and focused on the present. I had to get back to my room. Edward would have heard the water for the shower turn off, and if I lingered too long, he might realize something was wrong. Now completely dry I took the silky blue bikini panties, and hooked my thumbs under the sides, and started to pull them up my legs. I thought again about Edward's hands on the silky fabric. I blushed deeper at the thought of rather than me putting them on, what I really wanted was Edward taking them off. My heart did a slight stutter at the thought, and I let out a slow breath. I grabbed the bra, and put it over my breasts, and reached around to do the clasp. I put my green stretch cotton top on, and then slid my legs into the jeans, and pulled them up. I wiped some condensation from the full length mirror in the bathroom, and studied my face. Everything looked okay. My damp hair fell down over my shoulders, and my skin had only a slight flush of embarassment to it. I focused on my breathing now....nice and slow.

I gathered my pyjamas, and left the bathroom. As I entered the bedroom, Edward was inthe same position as I'd left him twenty five minutes ago. If I hadn't known that he had gathered my clothes, and placed them in the bathroom, I would never had been able to guess he had moved. When Edward stayed still, he was like a statue. A smile curled on his lips, as I glanced at him while tossing my pyjamas into the clothes hamper. I was back...someone had pushed PLAY again, I thought to myself. Now was the time...

"Umm...thanks for the umm....clothes..." I said nervously. I grimaced as my voice broke a bit on the word clothes.

Edward raised an eyebrow at me. I could hear my breath come quicker, and my pulse beginning to quicken. His vampire senses would surely register these facts as well.

"You're quite welcome, my love" he replied as he sat up and moved toward me. He took my hands in his as he reached me, and looked quizzically into my eyes. "Is something wrong, Bella?" he then asked in a concerned voice.

"Umm nope...nothing is wrong..." I lied. He wasn't buying it, but merely continued to look at me, studying my face as my blush intensified.

What was wrong with me? What did I want to happen here? Was I embarassed about Edward being in my underwear drawer? Was I annoyed that he actually had been -and being the perfect gentleman he'd not even had one impure thought about me? Wasn't I sexy to him? Yes I knew he loved me, and he thought I was beautiful, but I wanted to be sexy to him also. Did he even think about me like that at all? All these thoughts ran around in my head, as he continued to study my face. His eyes alternated between my own chocolate brown eyes, and my rose coloured cheeks. I had to find out the answer to these questions. But what would be worse? Not knowing if he found me sexy, or finding out that he didn't. Of course there was the odd chance that he did find me sexy, but getting him to admit it might be a problem given his 1901 upbringing.

I unwound my hands from his fingers and moved away from him and sat down on the edge of the bed. I was facing away from him now, not wanting to look into his eyes as I asked the question to which I knew I had to find out the answer .

Edward hadn't moved at all. He stood frozen at the sudden change in my demeanour in only twenty five minutes. When I'd left to shower I was all happy and snuggly, and when I returned he knew somethign was wrong, something was different, and he didn't know what it was, or why it had happened. I knew his powerful vampire brain was right now manipulating huge amounts of data trying to solve this riddle about my suddenly unexpected change of mood.

I took a deep breath. It was now or never...

"Edward..." I began. "...I was wondering...."

"Yes Bella?" he replied in a relieved tone. He could sense that the mystery of my change in behaviour was about to be explained.

"When you chose the clothes for me to wear..." I began. He waited for me to finish.

"What made you choose the aqua bra and matching underwear set?" The last part was said in little more than a whisper. No human would have heard my muted words, but Edward's did. I was still facing away from him, wondering what his face looked like now. My heart began to race once more as I waited for him to respond.

Edward didn't say anything immediately. After a few tense seconds he answered my question with his own.

"Did you wish I'd chosen something else?" he asked finally. I knew then he had no idea what I was really asking, or why I was having all these doubts about myself now.

"No." I answered meekly. "I just wondered why you chose these particular ones..." I continued as if that would somehow explain my shaken confidence. I let out a sigh. I knew Edward was struggling to grasp what the problem was, and how best to solve it. I frowned, and was happy he could not see it. I waited for Edward to respond.

"Well, I chose them because..." he began. I shuddered internally now. What would his reasoning be? They were the only pair of matching bra and panties I owned? They looked the least worn? I winced slightly as I waited for the death knell on my sexiness to sound.

"...because...I thought they would look nice on you." he finally finished.

My head turned around sharply, my eyes open incredulously. I had not been expecting that. My rose coloured blush more deeply covered my cheeks now. My cheeks felt like they were on fire now.

"You thought they would look nice on me." I repeated, my demeanour brightening a bit. Well, it wasn't the worst thing he could have answered me with.

A flash of insight entered my mind now. I decided to press my luck a bit. I got off the bed, and moved a step closer to him.

"So...Edward...did you think about what I would look like wearing them as you picked them out?" I asked him, my cheeks burning still.

Edward's eyes narrowed slightly. I knew he was thinking about what to say, and how to diffuse this minefield he had inadvertently set for himself. If he said no, my confidence would be crushed. If he said yes, well...then things just got a whole lot more interesting in Forks...

**A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed chapter 1. I know this story is starting out a bit slow...but I kind of want it that way. I don't want to just jump right into the meat and potatoes without trying a few appetizers first. Heh.**


	3. Bella's Need to Know

**Chapter 3: Bella's Need to Know**

I waited patiently for Edward to answer. He looked extremely uncomfortable. He seemed to be struggling with finding exactly the right words to say. I didn't think there would be an acceptable answer to my question that would make both Edward and I happy. There was no way Edward could admit to thinking about me wearing underwear which would not make him sound like a pervert, at least in his own mind. I would consider it a compliment, of course, but he would never see it that way. He would just think it was another reason he was a monster, and how it was bad enough he put me in danger every second he was with me, or so he thought, but now he was having "scandalous" thoughts about me also. Finally, he seemed to reconcile his thoughts, and he took the path I knew he would take. He would give me what I wanted. He wouldn't eviscerate my confidence solely to appease his high moral compass. He'd give in, and admit what I wanted to hear. I was counting on that exact reaction.

He sighed. "Yes Bella, I thought about what you would look like wearing them" he admitted somewhat ruefully. I could just imagine him wondering why I wasn't running for the hills and away from this unchaste boyfriend. Edward was so old fashioned!

My face perked up at his revelation, no matter that I had forced him into it. It was music to my ears. I moved closer to him, and put my arms around his neck. I gave him a peck on the cheek. Edward seemed to relax a bit, and returned my kiss with a little peck on my forehead. But if he thought he was getting off that easily, he was mistaken.

"So...did you like the thought of me only wearing the bra and panties, Edward?" I asked with a smirk. It was hard to keep a straight face. I knew Edward must be torn with guilt over his admission, and most likely wondering how he was ever going to get out of my room. I could imagine him even now planning all sorts of escape routes from my incessant and uncomfortable line of questioning. He didn't reply. If he could blush, I'm sure his face would be about as red as mine was a few minutes ago. As it was, my face had returned to mostly it's normal colour. I wasn't embarassed like before...I was feeling happy again.

"I....I...I'm not...." he began. Wow. It was the first time I'd ever heard Edward stutter. He was usually so confident and sure of himself. But then again, I guess this was new territory for him as well. He might be 108 years old, but I was his first girlfriend in any sense of the word. And he was my first boyfriend. Ha! The 17 year old virgin trying to seduce the 108 year old virgin. The idea was laughable. Accurate, nonetheless. He must be feeling all the same insecurities about certain aspects of our relationship as I sometimes did.

I decided to let him off the hook a little. "It's okay Edward, I like knowing that you thought about it."

He looked at me like I was insane. To him, I should be utterly mortified at his inappropriate thoughts. Yes, he was beating himself up over being unworthy of me again. I sighed. When would Edward ever learn?

Edward was having trouble meeting my gaze now. His eyes glanced around the room, focusing on anything but my face. I moved my hand to his chin, and forced him to look at me. Well, force is probably the wrong word. I couldn't force Edward to do anything. He was a million times stronger than I was. But he sensed my fingers wanted to guide his gaze, and so he allowed it. I looked lovingly into his eyes for a few seconds, losing myself in the rich golden hue of his iris'.

Time to go for broke. "Edward, I just have one question I want you to answer truthfully..." I said biting my bottom lip. I pulled away from him slightly, and dropped my gaze to my hands. Then I returned my gaze to his eyes.

"Edward...do you think I am sexy?" I asked him suddenly.

"Bella! Please!" he hissed under his breath, and moved away from me in an instant. Before I'd registered anything had happened, he was across the room, and staring at the wall - his back to me. I knew he must be going crazy inside at how this morning had gone from pleasant to an outright disaster for him. His reaction though, was not entirely unexpected. I knew that Edward was so uptight about our physical relationship based on his upbringing and my extreme fragility. He didn't even like to think about what could possibly happen to me if he'd ever lost control, or we went any farther than the kissing stage. This was something he did not want to discuss at all.

I frowned a bit at his reaction nonetheless. Anticipating a rejection didn't make it hurt any less. I sat on the bed, our backs to each other now, and sniffled a bit. "It's okay Edward. I know I'm not sexy..." I whimpered. A tear fell down my cheek. It really did hurt to have an insecurity silently verified by your boyfriend. I was waiting for Edward to tell me he had to go, or plead with me to end this ridiculous conversation. What happened next though, surprised me.

A mere second after my shaky reply, Edward was beside me in an instant. I felt his icy hands in mine, and his face was only an inch from my own. His normally golden eyes were shining with a fierce light now. He lifted me to a standing position, and his lips crushed against mine. This was not our usual kissing. There was an urgency, a need there I'd never felt from him before. His lips worked against mine, and my eyes widened in shock as I felt his lips part, and felt his ice cold tongue against my lips. My eyes, which had closed after the kiss began opened instantly then. Edward's tongue and lips were all over mine, and I could feel his tongue work feverishly trying to probe deeper in my mouth. My lips obeyed his unvoiced request, and his tongue snaked inside my mouth, finding my own. Entwined now, they danced rhythmically as I felt his hands in my hair. I couldn't believe this was happening. After what seemed like an eternity of pleasure for me, but was probably only ten seconds, Edward pulled away suddenly. I looked at him confused.

"Breathe Bella..." he said seriously.

My brain kicked in, and I blinked. I took a deep intake of breath, and my heart seemed to start again. He chuckled slightly, and I blushed again. I was still dazed by the intensity and passion of his kiss however. He guided me down until I was sitting on the bed again. He moved his body closer to me, and he blew his breath lightly along my neck, and up my cheek. His scent, everything about him intoxicated me. I was stunned momentarily. My breathing became heavy as my mind recalled the passionate kiss we'd shared a moment before. Edward's fingers traced their way up my cheek and then he gently turned my face to the side, and moved his lips to my ear.

"Never say you are not sexy to me Bella. You don't know the things you do to me. I may be a vampire, but I am still a man afterall." his voice resonated softly in my ear. My heart fluttered then as the meaning dawned on me.

"You really think I am sexy?" I almost beamed. Sensing I needed confirmation, he immediately obliged.

"Bella. You. Are. So. Sexy." he said in a low growl. He closed the gap between us then, and his lips crushed against mine once more...

**A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed/subscribed/favourited the story. It's nice to know that my first fanfic is being received well. **


	4. Kisses and Touchdowns

Chapter 4: Kisses and Touchdowns

My breathing was becoming ragged now. Edward moved his lips and tongue across my face in a blur. I felt the icy cold tongue running along my chin, up to my lips, and then branch out across my hot cheeks before returning to my lips again. The feeling was so intense as his coldness explored the warmth of my face that it was a struggle to keep myself upright. I was losing myself in Edward's kisses. If I died right now, I would definitely die happy. It was all I could do to draw each breath and push myself against Edward's stone body in an effort to stay on my feet. As Edward continued to kiss me, I heard a low growl escape his lips. It was so sexy, and I felt myself fighting to stay conscious. It was a battle I was not winning.

Twenty seconds later, my legs gave out, and I saw gray splotches cloud my vision. The last thing I felt was the sweet intoxicating scent of Edward flooding my senses. My vision then faded, and I collapsed in my Angel's arms.

The next thing I remembered was opening my eyes and seeing Edward staring at me with concern on his face. I was laying on my bed, with a pillow under my head. I felt Edward's hand holding mine gently. His palm held mine, and with his other hand, he was drawing lazy circles on my hand as if to slowly comfort me. When he saw me open my eyes, his concern lifted a bit. It didn't dissipate entirely, but it did relax. I blinked my eyes a few times, struggling to remember how I had come to be here. I thought back to my shower, the underwear, our conversation, and then his kisses. Oh! Edward's kisses! My heart fluttered again as I remembered his closeness, and the urgency of his lips on mine. Edward raised an eyebrow as he felt my pulse race, and I could see the concern creep back onto his lovely features.

"What happened?" I asked him in a tone full of wonder.

"Bella...you...you fainted." he replied somewhat jokingly but a hint of worry laced his comment.

"Sounds like something I would do..." I told him in a sheepish whisper. I said it with a smile, but I was kind of annoyed. Here I had been kissing Edward, and he was kissing me in the way I'd always wished he would, and what did I do? Faint! Now I'd be lucky if he ever kissed me like that again. Inside I was angry at myself now. Why did these things always happen to me? I was my own unwilling personal saboteur. Not only could I barely cross a room without my klutziness almost causing an extended stay in the hospital, but now I couldn't even be trusted cradled in my boyfriend's arms being kissed, without it being labelled a health hazard!

I looked at Edward hovering over my face, and smiled. He was about to ask me what I was smiling at, but for once I was faster than Edward.

"Thank you Edward." I said sincerely.

His head cocked to the side. I could see the confusion in his eyes now. Thank him? For what? I could see him working it out in his head as to why I would thank him for causing me to black out. He may be the most intelligent person I'd ever met, excluding his father Carlisle of course, but that was all booksmarts. Sometimes there was a lot to be said for street smarts too, and I knew Edward was still technically 17, and wildly outdated when it came to those kinds of smarts. I decided to elaborate so he would understand.

"Thank for you telling me I was, and for making me feel....sexy." I finally finished.

He nodded at once, the pieces falling together in his head at last. He smiled his seductive crooked smile at me, and he raised his hand to my face. I watched a finger move to my face, and relished the cool touch on my cheek. I loved when he touched me so softly. His finger moved in a lazy pattern over my cheek as my eyes locked with his.

"You are welcome Bella. I...." he began, but then hesitated. I was about to ask him what he was going to say. He saw my lips begin to move, and so he answered the obvious question he deduced instantly that I would ask.

"I only spoke the truth, as you wished I would. You...are...sexy." he finished at last, and I watched with a grin as he reluctantly said the word "sexy" once more. A smile formed on my lips at this latest admission from him.

Okay, so to say I was over the moon would be an understatement. In the last few minutes Edward had said the word "sexy" three times, which in itself would be enough to cause my breathing to falter. But, not only that - he had used the word in reference to me. ME! Bella...the clumsiest, and plainest girl in the world! Okay, so I know I'm not that bad, but sometimes I feel like it when compared to Edward. I know I'm hard on myself, but honestly, I still have a hard time figuring out how this most amazing, beautiful person can possibly love someone like me. He's perfect in practically every way! And me? I'm nothing special. Of course everytime I voice those concerns out loud Edward just rolls his eyes and tells me I obviously cannot see myself clearly.

I reached my hands out, and guided Edward's face to me, and kissed him lightly on the cheek. I knew getting any more passionate kisses from him today would be a lost cause. He'd be too concerned for my health, and would probably insist on having me hooked up to one of his father's medical monitors just in case he accidentally gave me a heart attack by trying to kiss me. I groaned at the thought. I really did ruin the moment with my fainting spell, I admitted to myself. It was so like me. I wanted to pout, but I didn't really have too much to be pouty about. I mean, Edward had kissed me more passionately than he ever had before. And he had said I was sexy. Out loud! He didn't even hint around about it, or try to imply it with actions. He'd actually said the words! That was a big step for Edward! So, yeah, I may have wished that the kisses could have lasted longer but all in all, this was a good morning. I let out a little sigh at the memory of his kisses again.

"I love you Edward" I said softly.

"I love you too Bella. You are my life..." he responded in a whisper.

I smiled at that, and Edward guided me off the bed.

* * *

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Edward and I had went to Port Angeles to shop for some books, and to see a movie. We'd eaten lunch there, and went to dinner. We walked around the park for a bit, and then had driven home. It was around 9:30 when Edward dropped me off at my house. As we pulled in front of the house, I could see the lights were on. Charlie was still up. I kissed Edward goodnight, and thanked him for the movie and our dinner. This was all just a pretence though. It was an act for Charlie. I knew that when I went inside, Edward would make a show of driving away, but that he would just park his silver Volvo a block away, and then wait for me to talk a bit with my dad, and then excuse myself to go to bed. He would then join me in my room, and we'd spend the night talking softly, and I'd fall asleep in his arms the way I always did. My heart leapt a bit at the thought of being in his arms again. As I walked to the house, I gave the silver Volvo a wave, and made my way to the door. Charlie was at the door waiting for me.

"Hi Bells. Did you have fun today?" he asked.

"Yeah dad. We went to a few bookstores, and saw a movie, and went out for dinner." I replied, and held up the book store bag as evidence for his scrutiny.

He chuckled a bit. "I believe you Bella. I know I am a concerned father, and the Chief of Police...but I do trust you kiddo." He playfully patted the top of my head. I smiled at this show of affection. It was rare for Charlie. I knew he loved me, and I did love him too...but we were alike in a lot of ways. We had trouble showing our affection for each other.

"Whatever you say Dad" I teased, and then kissed him on the cheek.

He got a bit flustered at that, and we both made our way inside. He moved back to the living room, and continued to watch a game on television. I made my way to the phone in the kitchen. I knew Edward would be a few more minutes before he was back in range of my house. I had a small window of opportunity here in which I could take advantage of his vampire senses not being able to hear me. I dialed a familiar number, and heard the phone barely ring once before a voice answered.

"Alice? It's Bella. " I began.

"Oh hi Bella. What's up? Are you okay? Where's Edward?" she asked in rapid fire succession.

"Not much. I'm alright. He just dropped me off, and is _on his way home_". I emphasized the last part a bit so she would know that what I actually meant to say was that he was on his way back to my house shortly. Alice understood my meaning immediately.

"Oh ok." she replied. I knew she was wondering why I had called her.

"Alice...I think...I need to go shopping...." I admitted to her.

"Eeeeeeeeeee! Really?!" she squealed into the phone. I could just imagine that little Pixie jumping up and down in delight now. I could tell she was excited, and her exuberance was rubbing off on me. I smiled in spite of myself. The plan I'd devised this afternoon had officially begun.

"Yes really" I giggled in reply to her excited question.

"What for? What do you need?" she asked me with her musical voice.

My cheeks got hot immediately. I lowered my voice so that Charlie could not hear me. Most humans would never have picked up what I was about to say, but I knew Alice's sharp ears would hear it clear enough.

" I need....some sexy underwear....and maybe umm....some lingerie?" I answered her making the last part of the statement into a question. My cheeks felt like they must be on fire now. I was glad Charlie was not in the room to see my face.

Alice didn't say anything immediately. She must be shocked. No, that wouldn't shock Alice. Well even if it had, she would have recovered by now. The seconds passed by silently. I knew what she was doing now. She was searching the future after I told her my unusual (for me) shopping request. I could imagine the glossy look her eyes would have now as she waited for one of her visions to clear. After a few more tantalizing seconds she must have seen what she was searching for because she finally spoke.

"Yessssss! It's about time!" she replied so excitedly that I could imagine her doing one of those touchdown dances. I smiled at the thought of the little pixie I had for a best friend spiking a football, and doing that celebratory dance. I chuckled aloud, and we proceeded to iron out the details of tomorrow's shopping spree over the next minute. I had to say goodbye to her finally because I knew Edward would be back into his superhuman hearing range shortly.

After talking to my dad for a few minutes, I excused myself saying I was tired from being out all day, and that I was going to go to bed. He didn't think twice about it, and wished me a goodnight. As I walked up the stairs, I thought about the bra and underwear I was wearing now, and how Edward had picked them out for me to wear today.

"If he thought these would look good on me...wait until he sees the ones I pick out myself!" I said so lightly that not even Edward would be able to hear...

**A/N: Chapter 5 should be up tonight, or possibly tomorrow. I usually write these chapters in one sitting, and so as long as I am in the mood to write them it usually only takes an hour or two to write/edit/modify and then publish them. Thanks to all those who have read, reviewed, favourited, subscribed, etc. **


	5. Bella's Release

**Chapter 5: Bella's Release**

**A/N: Here is where it begins to get a bit steamy(literally and figuratively) in the shower. Continue at your own risk. Heh. I'm not going to go all hardcore yet though, even though some people might be clamoring for it already. LoL. For now, it will be mostly tame expressions, and such. I'd prefer to ease the reader into it, and you will definitely notice the evolution of the writing style until it pretty much gets to the hardcore stage. But it _will_ be a gradual transition. Hope you all don't mind. It's just my preference. I didn't want this to be a smut story right off the bat. But it is rated M for a reason, and that reason will become apparent enough in future chapters. *wink***

The next morning I awoke in Edward's arms again. It was so safe in those arms. I couldn't imagine a more comfortable place to be. Being beside him, and feeling his strong arms wrapped around me was simply heavenly for me. My face was cuddled in his chest, and I sighed contentedly, as I often did when I woke up with my Angel beside me. My hands moved slightly, rubbing against his cool chest. I could feel its icy hardness, and it caused another little sigh to escape my lips. Edward moved slightly under my touch. He knew I was waking up, and I knew he would want to see me open my eyes. He loved to watch me sleep, and then finally wake up. How he passed the entire night just laying with me, and watching me...I couldn't fathom how boring it must be. He didn't see it that way, of course. For him, every second with me seemed to be a constant sort of fascination and wonder for him. He once remarked that watching me sleep was fascinating. I could relate to that I suppose. I know Edward didn't need to sleep at all, of course...but how many times had I lost track of time just staring at him? More times than I could count I realized.

My eyes blinked open finally. I could tell the sky was overcast today, but the muted light was enough to make Edward look perfect as usual. I gazed into my love's radiant topaz eyes, and stifled a yawn. Edward looked at me with nothing but adoration in his eyes.

"Good morning my love" he welcomed me to the new day. I continued smiling at him, hypnotized by his melodic voice.

"I love you Edward. So much..." I said in reply to his good morning, and held him closer to me. I used all my strength to close the gap between us. I felt his hands in my hair once more, as I pressed myself against his smooth body. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to leave his arms. But I knew I had to. Soon it would be time for another human moment, I thought ruefully.

"I love you too Bella. I'm not complete without you." he said matter-of-factly. I knew that he meant it.

I removed myself from his embrace, and grabbed my bag of toiletries. I looked at him longingly, not wanting to leave him. "Curse these darn human moments..." I joked, and shook my fist playfully in the air as I looked up towards the ceiling. Edward snickered at that.

This time, I remembered to take a change of clothes with me. I gathered a pair of creme colored pants, and a black t shirt. I moved to my dresser and opened my underwear drawer. I cast a casual glance in Edward's direction, but he was looking out the window. I began to imagine him standing in my place yesterday, his hands opening this drawer. What would he have seen when he opened it? I'd never paid attention before of the contents, and shuddered as I began to open the drawer and pretend I was seeing it from Edward's point of view.

I gulped to myself, as the contents came into view. How dreary. How boring. How very bland it was. Wow. Was every pair of underwear I owned either beige or white!? How had this happened I wondered to myself! I am a senior in high school, with an extremely hot boyfriend, and my intimate apparel looks like an explosion of beige and boring, rather than hot and wild! It figured that the only decently sexy pair of undergarments I owned had been a gift from Alice. And I hadn't even worn them until yesterday! No wonder I hadn't felt sexy before. How could I feel sexy when I clad myself in these _things! _Change the sizes on the underwear and it may has well have belonged to an 80 year old grandmother! I grimaced, and scolded myself internally for ever allowing this to happen.

I gather a white bikini brief, and a white bra, and stuffed them on top of the pile and walked to the bathroom in my own silent misery.

Once in the bathroom, I closed the door and began my bathroom routine as usual. After my morning breath was defeated for another round, I began to undress. My pyjamas fell to a pile on the floor, and I stared at myself in the full length mirror of the bathroom. I placed my hands on my hips, and turned from side to side. My eyes took in the Aqua fabric covering my most intimate areas. Huh. I didn't look too bad in this bra and panty I realized. My thoughts drifted to Edward once more. What would he think if he saw me now, wearing the bra and underwear he'd selected. The thought caused my pulse to race. My hands moved of their own accord, and ran across the silky blue bra. I cupped my one breast lightly, and then moved my hand in a slow circle. The silky material felt cool and soft against my fingers, and I could feel my nipple hardening under my own attentions, and my lusty thoughts. I was imagining Edward now...his icy fingers caressing me through the bra. I wanted that. I wanted to feel his lips on mine, and have his tongue trace it's way down my neck and to my bra. I wanted to feel his cool breath on my chest, causing it to heave with anticipation of what was to come.

I shuddered as I imagined Edward's strong but gentle hands reach around me, and work their magic on the clasp of my bra. As if mimicing my thoughts, my arms moved around and undid the clasp. I shrugged a bit, and gravity took over. I felt the straps glide down my arms, and the bra fell to the floor with barely a sound. I looked in the mirror at my exposed chest, and my fingers ran over my one nipple and then the other. I shivered involuntarily as I watched goosebumps form on my pale skin. I remembered Edward's confession yesterday that although he was a vampire he was also a man. Yes, he was a man, and I was a woman. I wanted us to be one...in every sense of the word.

My hand trailed down my stomach, and lingered over the waistband of my panties. I was excited now. I didn't need to see the damp patch on the blue silk to know that I was extremely aroused by the idea of thinking of Edward doing all these things to me. My fingers brushed across the fabric, and I moaned slightly at the intimate touch. Not wanting to draw attention to myself, I moved to the shower, and turned the water on. I was hoping that the spray of water against the curtain and bathtub would drown out any other sound that I would make. Confident that the background noise was adequate, I began to rub my fingers over the panties more forcefully. I moved up and down slowly at first...tracing my slit through the fabric. Another sigh escaped my lips.

"Oh God Edward, I want you to rub me..." I admitted out loud for the first time. My voice was little more than a whisper, and I was sure he would not hear me over the roaring water of the shower. Even though no one could hear me, I felt the heat enter my cheeks at my own lusty confession. My hand was moving in a smooth rhythm now, up and down the ever darkening fabric. I knew my juices were running freely now. My hand slid underneath the fabric now and I felt the slickness of my center on my frantic fingers. I couldn't take much more of this. I needed release. And I needed it soon.

In a flash, the soaked panties were off, and kicked to the side. I leaned back on the vanity with my legs spread slightly. The steam from the still running shower filled the air, making the mirror all but useless now. I didn't care about that. I didn't need to see anything. I knew what I needed to do, and where my fingers needed to go. I looked down at my glistening slit, and guided my fingers to my labia. I spread my pink folds, and felt my warmth envelope my fingers. I began to move my finger in and out. Oh God, it felt so good. My body was trembling, and my knees were already buckling and I'd only just begun. My breath was coming in gasps now, as I felt my finger penetrate myself again and again.

A second finger joined the first. Oh my...I could feel my inner walls stretching to accomodate the increased girth of two of my fingers. I had delicate fingers, but I still was extremely tight. My walls reflexively tightened on my fingers, reluctant to let go. I hooked my fingers slightly searching for my secret spot. I found it in no time, and with each thrust of my hand, I could feel my fingertips pressing against it. My fingers pumped in and out furisouly now as my thumb rolled over my exposed clitoris. My eyes closed tightly as I continued to assault my clit and my very core with my hand. My fingers were a blur now...frantically pumping inside me...searching for that wondrous release I needed now more than anything.

"I need you Edward. I want your fingers inside me...I want...." I began in a muted whisper. I had to give a voice to what I needed.

"I want to cum Edward. I want you to make me cum" I admitted out loud for the first time. My heart went into double time at hearing myself voice these desires, and I could feel the pleasure release inside me build. It wouldn't be long now. Thoughts of Edward flooded my mind. His scent. His eyes. His hands. His chest. His fingers. His mouth.

I imagined the thought of his tongue on me. His luscious lips assaulting my own most private ones. I wanted to feel the icy cold tongue play across my clit, and his fingers exposing me completely, so he could probe deep inside me. I wanted his tongue inside me...searching...licking...tasting...loving...

"Taste me Edward....Oh God...taste me...please... I want....I need....to cum in your mouth Edward...!" I begged the perfect Angel in my mind now. I wanted to flood Edward's mouth with all my desire. That was it. I could feel myself spasming around my fingers. Time seemed to stand still as the pleasure in my body concentrated to one definite point, and then seemingly exploded outward. My body was wracked with a sense of pure bliss from which I thought I would never recover. Slowly though, I began to come down from my natural high. At some point, my legs must have given out under the waves of pleasure because I found myself sitting on the floor, blinking unbelievably at the intensity of the orgasm I'd just experienced. My fingers were still inside me, and I pulled them out slowly. My whole hand was soaked, and although the shower was still running behind me, I could plainly smell my sex in the air. It absolutely filled the bathroom. My excitement seemed to permeate everywhere in the tiny room. I shot a nervous glance at the bathroom door, and wondered if Edward could smell the evidence of my "adventure" from my room.

I didn't have time to lose, I realized. I jumped into the shower quickly, and poured about athree times as much shampoo into my hair. I lathered it up, and let the strawberry essence flood the room, as I worked fast on my skin. The soapy washcloth was a blur as I searched out every inch of my exposed skin, and tried to wash away the scent, and any other trace of my previous excitement. I couldn't be sure how long my "playtime" had lasted, but I had to make up for lost time now. My normal 20 minute shower or so would now have to be condensed into 5 minutes or less.

Finally, I shut the water off, and stepped out of the shower and began to dry off. I felt better immediately. The bathroom smelled like strawberries. I was clean. And hopefully no one would be the wiser about my umm...release. I was feeling embarassed about that actually. I know it's natural and all that, but it was not common for me to do it. I always felt guilty afterwards. Today was no different. I couldn't spend any more time thinking about it though. I put on my boring everyday bra and panties, and my pants and shirt, and picked up my discarded pyjamas and underwear. I made my way back to my room, and Edward was still waiting patiently for my return. I shot the clock a casual glance as I threw my clothes into the hamper. It was 8:52. I'd left my room at about 8:20 or so. Okay so like a half an hour. Longer than my normal routine, but still nothing for Edward to wonder about. It wasn't like I was in the bathroom for an hour or anything!

I sighed though. 8:52! Darn...Alice would be here to pick me up at 9 am! And one thing about Alice...she was never late. Especially when it involved shopping. Only 8 more minutes left with Edward, I sighed. I had told Edward about going shopping with Alice today. I didn't tell him the real reason of course. He assumed that she wanted to go, and that I was just tagging along because she was my best friend. He knew I didn't like shopping, so it wasnt hard for him to assume that nothing was out of the ordinary. At once I was again thankful that mine was the only mind that Edward could not read. But he could read Alice's though! Oh no - if he finds out my plan, he might not let me go. He'd go on and on about my safety and how it was irresponsible and potentially dangerous for me to pursue a physical relationship beyond kissing. Ha! It didn't seem so dangerous yesterday. Okay, well I did faint, but that was my own fault, and nothing to do with him. Well okay, it did have to do with him, but you know what I mean. Hmm...I could see this argument not working on him.

I heard a honk from the driveway, and instantly knew Alice was there, and waiting impatiently for me. I gave my best impression of looking resigned to spending a boring day at the mall with Alice. Edward laughed.

"It will be okay." he assured me as I softly kissed his lips and said goodbye. I was halfway down the stairs when I heard Edward call back to me.

"Yes Edward?" I answered. What had I done now? Forgotten my jacket? Left my purse upstairs? Nope...I had both.

"What are you and Alice shopping for?" he asked me slightly confused.

"Umm...I dunno?" I made it sound like a question. "Why?" I asked him back.

"Because Alice is translating 'War and Peace' into Italian in her head..." he answered annoyed. He hated when people purposely blocked him from their thoughts. He thought they were hiding something. He was exactly right, I realized with a grin.

"You'll find out soon enough I guess..." I called to him as I bolted to the black Mercedes waiting in my driveway...


	6. Satin and Lace

**Chapter 6: Satin and Lace**

I entered the Mercedes, and Alice smiled at me with perfectly white teeth. Her eyes were liquid gold – the same as Edward's. She looked very small and willowy, but I knew that her appearance was misleading. Underneath she was just as strong as Edward was. She had the same pale skin, and delicate features that I'd come to expect from all vampires. She had short black hair, but it was kind of styled so that it stuck out from her head, in gradual curves. She really did look like a Pixie though. She was so beautiful too. And to hear her voice was like to listen to a chorus of Angels. I smiled back at her as I buckled my seatbelt. She saw the seatbelt, and laughed her musical laugh.

"Bella...I'm a vampire! Do you think I am going to get into an accident?" she giggled to herself. The idea was completely foreign to her. No matter what happened, she was confident her superhuman reflexes and speed could handle it. She was probably right.

"Well no...but my dad is the Chief of Police after all..." I replied with a sheepish grin.

"Oh alright! Fine!" she pretended to be annoyed and put hers on too. I laughed at that. Spending so much time with Edward made me realize I'd been neglecting Alice a bit. It wasn't intentional, but she was just so fun to be around that I just now realized how much I had missed her. She had an infectious smile, and an excitement that I realized I had missed in the last few days. I made a mental note to pay more attention to Edward's sister – who was also my best friend. Besides, after today, I would owe her big time!

She slammed the accelerator down, and the Mercedes responded instantly. I was pushed back into my seat, as Alice sped down the street and towards the highway that would take us towards Port Angeles. After a minute or so we were on the highway, and moving towards our destination at a ridiculous(to me) speed – 130 mph! I was glad that the windows were tinted limo black in the Mercedes. It made it less noticeable that the other cars and the trees on the side of the highway were passing in a continuous blur to either side. I was so nervous about the upcoming shopping, I couldn't talk. Alice broke the silence.

"So Bella...how was your shower this morning?" she said with her trilling laugh.

My eyes opened as big as saucers as my head whipped around to stare at her. Her visions! She'd seen me in the bathroom! My cheeks went flame red in an instant, and I struggled to breathe. Oh God...

"Now, now Bella..." she patted my head soothingly. "Nothing to be embarassed about..." she said reassuringly.

I couldn't reply. My mouth wouldn't open. Nothing would work. I just sat there in a stunned silence as she barely kept her glance on the road, and smiled at me with adoring eyes. Truth be told, I knew Alice loved me. Not in the same way Edward did of course, but she was the most supportive of him when he began to explore a relationship with me. She'd seen a vision beforehand of course, and before she even met me, she knew that we would be best friends, and one day I would really be her sister. I was pretty certain that most of the vampires in Edward's family felt the same way towards me as Alice did, if not to the same degree. Well, except for Rosalie, of course.

We drove in silence. Alice kept her eyes on the road, but occasionally cast her glance towards me with a big smile on her face. Oh God! What if she thought about my morning shower session sometime when Edward was in the same room! I started to feel sick to my stomach. I decided that the best way to distract myself from thinking about this was to talk with Alice.

"So Alice...I know this must be weird for you...helping your brother's girlfriend shop for some underwear..." I began.

"Oh! Not at all! I'm happy to help Bella. And besides...I know how this turns out..." she began, and pointed to her temple. "Oh, and you can thank me later!" she said with a grin. I decided against asking her about how it turned out. If it was even remotely physical, she would have seen a vision about it. My heartbeat increased a bit. Had she seen Edward and I "together" in one of her visions? Oh God...

The rest of the drive was uneventful. We arrived at the mall, and Alice parked the car expertly. We made our way inside, and I began to drag my feet slightly. I really did hate shopping. Alice sensed that my forward velocity had decreased however slightly, and snapped her fingers.

"Come _on_ Bella! The mall closes in 12 hours!" she said, as if that was nowhere near enough time for us to complete our shopping. See Alice has a different idea of shopping than me. I like to know what I want, go into a store, get it and leave. Alice likes to know what she wants, and then check out every store that sells it, and compare. Then she looks at everything else, and decides if there is something else available that is better. If there is, then she begins again using her newfound item as the base for comparison. It can take a looooong time for her to find one item.

Thinking of Alice's methodical way to shop made my plan seem inadequate. My plan was to find one matching set that I liked, and then buy 3 or 4 of them in varying sexy colours. I could see right now that Alice would never approve of that plan. For one...it would only take probably 45 minutes, and secondly, there would be no variety. I was pretty sure I'd never even seen Alice wear the same outfit more than once.

She led me to Victoria's Secret. I grimaced. This store did not make me feel comfortable at all. My eyes glanced at all the assorted silk and lace garments and I blushed. Some of the skimpier and more risque items I couldn't even see myself working up the courage to even bring to the counter, let alone wear for Edward! I gulped. What had I gotten myself into?

Alice began scanning the racks. Her eyes moved lightning fast side to side until she smiled. Her face took on a serious expression, and her voice sounded ominous.

"I have foreseen..." she began, and I playfully punched her shoulder. She was so funny when she did that whole "I have foreseen" spiel. I winced slightly as I realized my playful punch against Alice's granite hard skin had probably bruised my knuckle.

Alice gave up on her fortune-teller schtick, and continued as if nothing had happened. "Ahh...how about this one...?" she asked me as she held the skimpy black underwear up for my inspection.

"Uhh...where's the rest of it?" I asked innocently. Alice shook her head sadly. I felt like I was a kid again I realized glumly. I was completely out of my element here. She took my hand, and led me around the store. She held up a sexy light blue thong for me now with just a tiny trail of cotton in the back. I shook my head furisouly at her.

"What's the matter Bella? You have a nice butt. Afraid to show it off?" Alice whispered in my ear. I blushed crimson then. Alice laughed, and then shook her head as my blush deepened as her own laughter only served to heighten my discomfort. I could only imagine what Charlie would ever say if he found those in the laundry one day. I would die of embarassment, and Charlie would probably have a heart attack. I could see the headlines now: Two dead in Forks. Underwear to blame! Bah...this was hopeless. I was going for daring here...not deadly!

Alice, sensing my mood, began to pick out more sensible pieces for me to look at. I balked at anything see through however. I thought the point was to cover your intimate areas anyways. Maybe I should just give up...

She then brought over a light purple camisole and some matching boy shorts. Okay...this was getting better. It provided adequate....cover....and was still sexy. It had a little bow on it, and had a little bit of lace around the edges. I could actually see myself wearing that. I smiled appreciatively as I held out my hand to feel the soft material. Alice was beaming now that she had found something I hadn't dismissed instantly.

"It's a definite maybe...." I told her.

"Okay. We'll put it up at the front then." she explained.

"Alright. We'll have to see some more though. I think I can only afford to get three outfits today" I admitted.

Alice's eyes opened wide. "Bella! No. You are not paying for one thing today! It's all on me silly! I practically insist!"

I couldn't let Alice pay for anything. It was good enough of her to help me shop, let alone pay for it.

"Alice..." I began.

"Uh uh uh!" she said, and placed her cool fingers against my lips shushing my protest. "If you only knew how much happier Edward is now that he has found you Bella! You've given him something that neither time, money or any one of us could ever buy him! It's the least I, and the family can do! You don't know how grateful we are that he has found happiness now. And it's all because of you..." she explained.

I smiled a bit. Hearing her say those words made my heart almost burst with joy. I really had that effect on Edward? I really made him happy? I was positively glowing now. Alice took my beaming smile as confirmation that I would allow her to pay.

"There. It's settled then." she said triumphantly. I decided not to argue.

Several hours later, we had 5 outfits picked out. I decided to go with the purple camisole, with matching boy shorts. I really liked that one. Another "yes" was a light green pair of bikini panties with a matching bra. It was much like the blue one I already owned only this one had more lace on it, and was sexier as a result.

The third one was a red silk push up bra, with matching high cut panties. I imagined that the striking red colour would complement my pale skin tone. It should make for a interesting colour contrast, and it exposed more of my legs which I was hoping that Edward would eventually appreciate if he saw me in them. _When he saw me in them, _I had to mentally correct myself.

Fourth was a normal pair of jockey briefs, and a pretty plain jane cotton bra. It was a lot like my boring other underwear, but was a light pink. So it was familiar and comfortable to me, but also a little more sexy also.

Fifth...well...huh. I couldn't imagine myself wearing it. Alice had picked it out. It was a black thong (_cringe!_) with a barely-there see through lacy bra, and it came with a garter belt, and stockings. I had not picked this outfit out, of course. I couldn't see myself ever wearing it at all. Alice just handed the garments to the saleswoman and told her to wrap it all up. She hadn't even asked me what I thought about the scary lingerie she'd picked up and decided to purchase without my help. I glanced at her questioningly, wondering if she was buying something for herself as well. Alice merely smirked at me, and moved close to me. I could feel her icy vampire breath in my ear as she spoke in a whisper. It sent a chill down my spine.

"For Emergency Use Only Bella" she said in a musical whisper, and then winked knowingly. My eyes opened wide with the realization that she had picked it out for me...!

**A/N: Chapter 7 will probably be up tomorrow night. I'm taking a bit of a break from this story this evening. Thanks for reading...**


	7. More Than Words

**Chapter 7: More Than Words.**

The drive home was comfortable. I was happy with the purchases, and was sure Edward would be too. Well except for the "Emergency Use Only" one as Alice had called it. I shook my head at her comic description for when to wear that lingerie. I looked over at Alice, and put my hand in hers. She shot me a quick glance, and then cocked her head to the side slightly. She was surprised at my outward display of affection but I felt her marble fingers squeeze my own fragile hand lightly in reply.

"Thank you Alice. For everything..." I said sincerely. I felt so grateful for her taking the time to go shopping with me, and helping me pick out all the purchases, and then on top of that pay for it all. She really was so caring and generous with me.

Alice just continued to look at me, her face achingly beautiful. Her eyes searched my face, and she smiled at me softly. "Bella...Edward loves you. I love you. Esme loves you. Everyone loves you. We can't wait for you to be a part of our family. You are the last piece that will make our family complete... There isn't anything that any one of us would not do for you. Do you understand how important you are to me? To Edward? To all of us?" she said, her eyes positively glowing with pride. She really did love me like a sister already. She accepted me for what I was with no strings attached. She really believed that I was the missing piece of the puzzle for Edward, and the rest of the Cullens. She'd seen it. It made her happy. She wanted me to be with Edward as much as I had wanted the exact same thing. My heart raced at the thought.

But although my heart sped up, my mouth wouldn't work – I was spellbound at her revelation. I couldn't think of what to say in reply that could ever do that type of admission justice. I blinked. "Yes..." was all I could squeak out finally. But my fingers squeezed hers even tighter, as the Mercedes sped down the highway.

* * *

When we arrived at my house around 3 pm, Charlie was still out fishing. He always fished every weekend. I liked it though. It gave me lots of alone time with Edward. Alice removed the bags from the trunk, and we brought them to my room. I took the tags off the garments, and put the new additions into my underwear drawer. I smiled in satisfaction at how much brighter and colourful that drawer seemed now. It wasn't scandalous, but it was a start.

Alice had to get going. She had plans to go hunting with Jasper. She moved to me, and placed a light kiss on my cheek. "Don't hesitate to call me again if you need to do any more shopping Bella...!" she said enthusiastically. I smiled, and told her I wouldn't hesitate at all, and was surprised that I actually meant it. With a flourish, she dashed down the stairs, her lovely laugh still hanging in the air.

I walked to my underwear drawer once more, and glanced inside. Which pair should I wear? Nothing too outrageous at first. It was better to be safe than sorry. I settled for the pink plain jane cotton set. It was familiar, after all. I grabbed the set, and a change of clothes. I knew Alice would be meeting Jasper at the Cullen house shortly, and Edward would know I would be home. I figured it wouldn't be too much longer after that, until he made his way to my house. I probably had time to get in a quick human moment, and a nice shower to wash away all the smells and unpleasantries associated with walking around a mall all morning and part of the afternoon. I made my way to the bathroom, and ran the water once more. No funny business this time though. I smirked. Just get in, and get out, I chastised myself. Gotcha. I threw my reflection in the mirror a quick salute and even said "Yes ma'am". I was such a dork sometimes.

I washed my hair, and my body with nary an impure thought about Edward or myself. I was being a good girl. I finished up in the shower, and hurriedly dried myself off. I changed into my pink underwear, and some jeans and a t shirt. I gathered the discarded clothes, and went to my room. Wow. My hamper was getting full. I trucked it downstairs to the laundry, and put a load in the washer. By the time I had returned to my room, Edward sat in the chair in the corner.

"Oh!" I said startled.

He chuckled at my surprise. "Hello my love. Did you have fun with Alice today?" he asked me.

"Yes" I admitted, and my cheeks flushed a tad. Edward appeared not to notice, or else he didn't look confused as my skin tone darkened however minutely.

"So what did you buy? I still can't figure out why she was trying to block her thoughts from me earlier..." he said, his voice laced with confusion.

"Well umm...maybe I should just show you..." I began jokingly.

"If you prefer" he answered easily. He had no idea what he had just unknowingly agreed to. I gulped. I was getting flustered already. Come on Bella. Pull it together. You are strong! You can do this! You know what you want, so go and get it! I tried to encourage myself. It wasn't working. I sighed, and a frown turned the corners of my mouth down. Edward was confused once more.

I looked into his eyes. So golden...so beautiful. I began to lose myself in his smoldering amber orbs. I love you Edward. I want you. I need you. I need your hands on me. I want to quiver under your touch. I want to explore every inch of your body as you do the same to me. My cheeks were definitely hot now.

Don't think Bella. Just do it. I was practically screaming to myself in my mind. Do it! Let him know. I couldn't give a voice to my thoughts. I couldn't speak. I stood there frozen. I was afraid. What if I told him what I wanted, and he rejected me? How could I ever look into his eyes again? Edward didn't move. He could sense my heart taking off, and my breath coming faster now. He could see me fighting, struggling about something. He got a worried look in his eyes. It was now, or never. Could I expose my desires and wants to him? I made up my mind, and smiled a weak smile. Yes. Yes I could.

I took a deep breath, and I reached down, my hands reaching the bottom of my t shirt. I pulled it up over my head in a flash. My hair was everywhere, and it covered my face momentarily. I could feel the cool air on my exposed chest, and I heard Edward's sharp intake of breath and his complete shock and surprise at my unexpected action. I shook my chestnut hair out of my eyes, and looked at Edward. He stood frozen, eyes wide. I couldn't stop now. I undid my jeans, and let them fall to the floor. I stepped out of them slowly, all the while my gaze remained locked with Edward's.

My skin felt literally on fire now. I wasn't naked, but I was exposed, and I did feel extremely vulnerable. All that covered me was the light pink bra and panties. I waited for Edward's reaction. He never spoke, never moved. His unblinking eyes focused on my soft skin, and he eyed me up and down. He couldn't look away. I knew he must be fighting with himself too. His prim and proper morals could never allow him to look at my exposed flesh like this without feeling like an unworthy monster. The silence became unbearable after a minute.

"Edward?" I asked meekly. "Are you okay?"

I began to doubt my plan when he didn't respond. Was he losing his control? Was the sight of me , and the scent of me too much for his vampire self control to bear? Huh. Hadn't thought of that. Maybe this wasn't my best idea. But wait! No! Edward would never hurt me. Never. I knew that. Still though, I had to ask.

"Are you okay Edward? Are you in control? Do you want me to leave?" I asked him seriously, my gaze finding the floor. "I'm sorry..." I added. I was embarassed now.

Finally Edward spoke. "I am in control Bella." he whispered softly, but his voice sounded different.

My head snapped up at the sound of his voice. His face looked pained though. He _was_ fighting with himself. He locked his eyes with mine. He nodded, and I saw him smile at me knowingly. He moved towards me slowly. There was a deliberateness to his actions, that made me realize that this was not easy for him. He was definitely moving slower than normal. He took me in his arms, and pulled me close to him. I felt his icy coldness against my bra, and my nipples hardened immediately. I felt his hands running up and down my back lightly. The ice cold caresses on my back felt exquisite against my soft skin. I felt a tingle between my legs as I felt Edward's body pressed against so much of my uncovered skin. His mouth moved to my lips, and he kissed me gently. He gazed at me with love in his eyes, but something else. Sadness. His eyes had that sad look about them – the way they looked whenever I brought up the subject of him changing me into a vampire. I looked away from his sad eyes.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked him.

He took my hand in his, guided me to the bed. He sat down beside me, and pulled me close to him, so I could lay my head on his shoulder. I felt his hands begin to run through my hair for a few seconds before he answered me.

"No Bella. I am not mad at you." he replied but I knew there would be a _but _coming_._

"But...we do need to talk." he qualified.

**A/N: Coming up tomorrow (hopefully) – Chapter 8: The talk. Oh, and I guess I didn't take a break from writing this story after all. Ooops. LoL**


	8. Second Base!

**Chapter 8: Second Base!**

Edward moved to my closet, and took out my bath robe. He handed it to me wordlessly. I raised my eyebrow at him. I knew he wanted me to cover myself, but his reason surprised me. I assumed he didn't want to see me half naked.

"This might take a while Bella. I don't want you to get cold..." he explained.

"Oh." was my brilliant reply.

Edward moved to the rocking chair but he didn't sit down. I frowned. Now he didn't even want to be close to me. I was wrong again. Edward sensed my frustration, and answered my unvoiced question.

"Bella...it's not what you think. I just..." he trailed off, his hands balling into fists. Edward was frustrated now. He didn't know how to say what he wanted. He slammed his fist into his thigh. I heard a sharp crack as his own hand made contact with his granite skin. I'd never seen Edward so...reckless around me before. I'd never seen him act this way before. It was a little frightening actually.

He struggled to find the words. "Bella..." he said but he couldn't continue. His voice broke on my name. This was so hard for him. I immediately felt guilty for what I had done. I looked at his face. Edward was tortured now. I could see it in his expression, could read it in his eyes. I was so selfish.

Edward looked at my open bath robe, and his eyes lost their golden edge. I saw the once bright golden hue become edged with black. I pulled the robe closed then, my eyes widening at the look on Edward's face. This was a side I had never seen before. Was this the monster he shielded so well from me? Was this the part of him he never wanted me to see? I was beginning to see why he was always so reserved and careful around me. I was a fool to initiate this, I thought to myself in a panic.

He looked at my face. He cocked his head to the side, confused as to the expression he found on my face. Could he see my fear now? He did. It snapped him back to reality, mostly. The black ring around his amber eyes disappeared almost instantly. He looked at me fiercely though. There was love in his eyes. But something else. A hunger. Yes, Edward's eyes were devouring every inch of my body that he could see. It made me uneasy. I'd always wanted Edward to be less of a gentleman, but now I wasn't so sure. What had I done?

Edward moved towards me again. I couldn't move. What was he doing?. Was he struggling to remain in control? His lips pressed against me like they had yesterday. He crushed my lips with his own. I felt his tongue on me once more...working furiously over my lips. Within seconds, his tongue was in my mouth dancing with mine once more. I couldn't think. Couldn't breathe. No matter how unsure I had been a second before, I lost myself in his kiss. I kissed him back...our mouths as one now. I finally remembered to breathe, allowing the kiss to last longer than the one we'd shared yesterday. It was ecstacy. My orgasm this morning was nothing compared to the way Edward's tongue felt in my mouth, and the frantic way it searched out every inch inside me. After what seemed like forever, he pulled away from me. His hand moved to my waist, and he looked deep into my eyes. His gaze then moved to the belt keeping my bath robe closed. I looked down, and back to his eyes. Edward's eyes shone fiercely now. He seemed resolute in his course of action. There was no wildness in his eyes anymore. It was like he had won whatever battle he was struggling with.

"Is this what you want Bella?" he asked in a growl.

I couldn't speak. I nodded my head slowly. Words utterly failed me. In a flash, Edward pulled the belt loose, and my robe opened revealing my skin and pink underwear to him once more. My breath came in gasps now. My face flushed again.

He picked me up by the waist, and laid me on the bed in an instant. I was disoriented at the speed at which he placed me on the bed. I watched incredulously as he crawled on top of me. His kisses started on my forehead, and made their way around my face. I could feel his hands in my hair, as his tongue moved lazily across my cheek and to my lips. His furious kisses stretched across my face, and then down my neck. I felt his strong hands, push my robe off of my shoulders. I helped him, twisting my shoulder a bit, so my arms fell out of the cotton fabric. The feeling was unreal.

"I love you Bella. I need you Bella. You are my world. You are my everything. I will give you everything you want. I cannot resist you. I will not deny you. My needs are secondary to yours. Let me show you how much I love you..." Edward whispered fiercely into my ear. My heart fluttered now. Was this a dream? Was this really happening? As if to answer me, I felt Edwards cold hands slip behind my back, and remove the clasp on my bra. He removed it gently, and my breasts were exposed to him. He eyed them hungrily, and then he hovered over my peaks. I expected him to caress them or lick them, but he did neither. He smiled at me, and he blew his icy cool breath over my nipple. I struggled for breath, and my whole body shivered. My mouth opened silently. I tried to moan, but no sound escaped. My heart raced at the experience. He did the same to my other nipple, and my body convulsed over his simple act. My legs were moving back and forth now, squirming under even his most minute attentions to my aching body.

I watched fascinated as his mouth made his way slowly to my breast. My eyes widened as I saw his mouth open. I could feel his closeness to my nipple now. So cold, but it was making me so warm with desire. Another inch. Oh God...please. I was rewarded a second later. I felt Edward envelope my hard nipple with his mouth. His tongue swirled over it, making me dizzy. The feeling was exquisite. His other hand was working on my other breast. I could feel the chilling embrace of his fingers wrap around my nipple, as he playfully rolled it between his fingers. The feeling was not unlike having an ice cube against your skin. My whole body seemed to spasm, and squirm involuntarily each time he touched me.

Edward alternated between my breasts. His icy hands manipulated each in turn, and then began anew. I thought I was going to pass out as I felt his slick icy tongue trail over my breasts from one to the other. Oh God...I can't take much more of this. I thought I would surely die when his fingers caressed his way down my stomach to the waistband of my panties. But he returned to my breasts once more. He then mimiced the same action with his tongue. I struggled again to find my breath, and I could hear my pulse thundering in my head. I could tell I was wet between my legs. Edward must have known too, with his acute senses. But he never went lower than my stomach. I reached up to him, my arms circling his cool neck. I lifted myself off the bed slightly, closing the gap between our bodies.. I could feel his icy cold body close to my skin now as we kissed deeply. I could feel Edward's erection against me now. Oh God... It didn't matter that his pants, and my panties were between our most intimate parts. My eyes opened wide at the realization that Edward was hard for me. I couldn't take it anymore. The proximity of Edward's engorged member, and my slick center sent me into overload. My body spasmed again, and I came. I let go of his body, falling back onto the bed as complete bliss overtook me. My whole body seemed to explode with wave after wave of pleasure. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. I gave into the pleasure, and let it carry me away.

I came down from my orgasm with tears in my eyes. I couldn't control my emotions now. Edward was looking at me with a concerned look on his face wondering if he had inadvertantly hurt me. I pulled him close to me, as I sobbed into his chest. "I love you Edward. I love you so much... I never knew... I've never felt more loved than I do right now" I managed to squeak out. I planted wave after wave of kisses across his face as the tears continued to fall...

**A/N: Okay...so it wasn't a talk, and I didn't wait until tomorrow to write it. I guess that makes me a liar. * wink * **


	9. The Morning After

**Chapter 9: The Morning After**

I was vaguely aware of a slight haze lifting from my brain. Everything seemed fuzzy to my beleaguered senses. Through it all though, something was familiar. Cold. Ice cold. Edward! He was holding me. I was waking up again. Another day...another morning waking in my loving Angel's arms. I sighed once more. I sighed a lot while Edward was around in general, but especially so when he held me. Those strong arms – so gentle around me. He cradled me tenderly. Right now I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

My senses were becoming more alive now. I could hear Edward's steady breathing. It was somewhat hypnotic. Edward did not tehnically need to breathe, but he did anyway. The main reason, was so he could more easily blend in with humans. Someone might notice if someone in the same room never took a breath. Another important reason was that it was required in order for his incredible senses to work at their best. He needed to draw breath in order to smell and taste the area around him – to be able to instantly survey his surroundings. It was just another seemingly over the top advantage that nature's most powerful predator – the vampire, had at their disposal. Edward continued to breathe in and out in a steady rhythm. Actually, I'd never seen him tire. He could run at his fastest speed for hours, and still have the same steady breath. I lost myself listening to his breath for a minute. In...out. In...out. With each expelled breath, more of his vampire scent filled the air. It intoxicated me, honestly. It was amazing – even the simplest things about Edward, like how he breathed - filled me with a sense of wonder.

I could hear birds chirping outside too. It must be early morning. I groaned in my head. The weekend was over; I'd have classes this morning. It wouldn't be too bad though, Edward and I shared several classes together. I brightened at the thought. Being with Edward definitely made school more tolerable. Not that I didn't used to enjoy school though. I'd always been a bit of a bookworm, and got good grades. But compare sitting in a library studying, or listening to a teacher give a lecture on trigonometry to laying in bed with Edward all morning, and I'm sure you can see how school would suddenly seem unappealing.

I felt colder than normal. I shifted slightly. My exposed nipple ran across Edward's skin, and I fought a gasp. I was still topless I realized immediately. I guess my bra, or pyjamas didn't make it back onto my body before I fell asleep. My mind reviewed last evening in quick order. Returning home with Alice...Edward asking what I'd bought...me showing him...Edward's inner battle...his hungry eyes...and...oh! Mmmmm. It was all so clear now. Edward laying me down, pressed on top of me...his hands, and mouth and tongue working over my face, and down to my breasts. I sighed aloud again, at this recollection. My mind ran through my amazing orgasm, and then me collapsing into Edward's arms, sobbing with joy at how he made me feel, and how much I loved him and he loved me.

I opened my one eye slightly. I gazed at Edward. His eyes were focused on me. A smile spread on my lips as I opened my other eye.

"Peek-a-boo...I see you..." I said softly.

Edward raised his eyebrow, and then laughed at my silliness.

"Do you know what I see?" he asked me playfully.

"Nope..." I replied.

"I see you Bella. Only you. Now and for always..." he whispered softly. His golden eyes gazed into mine as he spoke. I loved it when he said things like that. Edward had a way of speaking, that was not like most other people I'd ever known. I guess it goes back to his 1901 upbringing. But when he talked like this, my heart felt like bursting. I wasn't as eloquent as him, but Edward did know exactly how I felt about him.

I stole one of his lines, in reply. "You are my everything Edward" I replied.

His smile widened as he recognized his own words in my speech.

"As you are to me..." he said as his finger traced a line up my cheek.

We stayed silent for the next few minutes...just laying with each other, and enjoying the sensation of being together. A glance at the clock told me I would have to begin getting ready for school soon. Edward would have to leave soon as well. He'd have to return home and change his clothes for school. An idea crossed my mind then. What if I hid some of Edward's clothes in my room. That way he wouldn't have to leave me in the mornings and change! It sounded good, but I dismissed it after a few seconds. If Charlie ever found them, he would probably shoot Edward for stealing his daughter's virtue. Not that a bullet would hurt Edward though, but you get the idea. Charlie finding out Edward was spending nights in my room was definitely not a good idea. I grimaced at the thought.

I had to get ready now. I left Edward's embrace, and stepped out of bed. I suddenly felt very naked. Usually when I left my bed, I was wearing pyjamas. Now, all I was wearing was the light pink panties I'd worn yesterday. My cheeks flushed as I looked for my bra. Edward sat still, not moving. My cheeks darkened even more as I felt his eyes on my exposed chest. He didn't say anything, and I was too embarassed to speak. Sure he had seen my breasts yesterday, and experienced them first hand with his lips, and tongue...but that was in the heat of the moment. It was easy to lose any sense of modesty when your brain shut down and you gave in to your body's aching desires. Now...exposed to him, but with my raging hormones under control for once, I felt shy.

Ahh...salvation! I saw my bathrobe on the floor, and scooted over to it. I pulled it over my body, and felt relief instantly. Now at least, my body was covered. I looked at Edward. He still had not moved. What must he be thinking about my embarassed performance only a moment ago? I didn't want to think about it. I decided my best course of action would be to head to the bathroom, and leave the awkward silence behind me.

"Human moment..." I called to him as I picked up my bag of toiletries and made my way to the door. I heard him speak then, and it stopped me in my tracks. I turned to look at him

"Bella..." he began. "I love you more today, than I did even yesterday..." he finished simply.

I smiled at his loving confession. It put me at ease instantly. I ran back to the bed, and kissed his icy lips. "Thank you Edward." I said between kisses. Then I made my way to the bathroom with a big grin on my face. Edward always knew not only just what to say, but also exactly when I needed to hear it. It was another in a long list of things that I loved about him.

I brushed my teeth completely, as usual. All the while my mind was thinking of Edward. I couldn't believe what had happened last night. I shivered once more as I remembered the hungry way in which Edwards eyes devoured my half naked body. I sighed then, recalling the way his hands and mouth had expertly worked over my breasts. I frowned a bit then. Edward had told me he had never been with another woman. I believed him. I knew he wasn't lying about that, so technically last night would have been the first time he'd made it to second base as well. But he was so good! The way he made me feel, and the way my body responded to his every caress, and lick, and kiss...was unreal. Apparently, Edward really _was _good at everything! I'd often teased him about it before. It seemed with minimal effort, and a little thought Edward could accomplish almost anything with ease. This was just another example. Of course, being 108 years old, I suppose he would have had time to pick up a few tricks in the 100+ years he'd been on earth. I, however, didn't have the luxury of decades in which to pick up such things. I was completely new at this, in every sense of the word. I sighed. Edward had made me so happy last night. He made me feel so loved. He made me feel like the sexiest woman alive as he touched my upper body.

I gazed at myself in the mirror. Would I be able to make him feel so loved, so wanted, so happy? Would he feel the same amount of pleasure as he'd given me, when it was my turn to....reciprocate? I watched my features blush in the mirror. My face was scarlet now at the thought of "reciprocating" the heavenly feelings Edward had given me. My breathing increased at once as I remembered the way Edward's erection had felt against me last night through his clothes. Another chill went through my body as I wondered what it would be like to remove Edward's clothes completely, and stare at his uncovered body for the first time. Just the thought of it made me swoon with longing. I put my hands on the vanity to support myself. The image of a naked Edward in front of me in all his glory was leaving me a bit unsteady on my feet.

But another thought had my face crestfallen in an instant. I was sure I'd never be able to make Edward feel as good as he had made me feel. And I didn't want my first time with Edward to be a bungling, accident prone attempt at pleasure. I needed expert advice. And not the school girl type gossip I sometimes heard in the Forks High locker room as I changed into my gym clothes. I was dealing with the idea of making a vampire feel sexual pleasure, so there wasn't a human on earth that could help me with tha! For that, I would need the advice of vampires. A smirk came across my face. Maybe I should stop by the Cullen house after school? Well, I had promised myself to spend more time with Alice after all...

**A/N: This chapter has been edited. I made some minor language changes, and a few minor text additions. I'm sorry I posted an unedited chapter at lunch time, but since I didn't update yesterday...I figured I would post what I had so as not to keep anyone waiting any longer for an update. Consider this new version a final version. Thanks for reading. **


	10. Sex Ed with Alice

**Chapter 10: Sex Ed with Alice**

Edward had left my house after my shower, to change his clothes. He'd returned to pick me up for school. I saw Alice in the morning, and she had a big grin on her face. She ran up to me and put her arms around me, as Edward looked at her suspiciously.

"Bella you are positively glowing!" she exclaimed. "Interesting night last night?" she then asked with a wink. I turned red instantly, and Edward decided to look out the window. Neither of us answered the question, but she paid no heed.

"So, what's up?" she then casually asked me. Her voice was casual, but it in no way matched her body language. She was literally bubbly with excitement, and was just short of jumping up and down with glee. I shook my head. Alice – you had to love her. She knew what I was going to ask, she'd seen it already, but she was going to allow me to do it the conventional way.

"Well Alice, since Edward will be going _hiking _withJasper and Emmett tonight after school...I was wondering if you wanted to...hang out?" I said convincingly. I said hiking just in case any non-vampires were listening. It wouldn't do to have someone overhear me telling Alice that since her brothers were going to hunt animals and drink their blood for nourishment, how's about a little girl time? I chuckled at how well that would be received if overheard.

"Sure thing Bella! We have _sooooo_ much to talk about!" she said as she looked towards Edward. Edward shook his head in annoyance, and I gazed down at the floor. After a few seconds I heard the warning bell announce that we had 5 minutes left until class started. Alice said her goodbyes, and danced down the hallway gracefully.

Edward looked at me. "Alice is blocking me again. I couldn't read anything at all of her thoughts this morning." he said frustrated.

"Huh. She must have her reasons..." I added lamely.

Edward looked at me, and he frowned. I was a poor actress. He knew that it had something to do with me. Whatever vision Alice had seen, it involved me and her, and she didn't want Edward to see or know about it yet.

"Indeed." was all he said to that. We walked the rest of the way to our first class together in silence.

* * *

I was in Alice's car speeding down the highway. Alice was driving me home from school since Edward was leaving with his brothers, but said that she had to make a quick stop before we went to her house. I considered Port Angeles to be a little bit far for a "quick stop" but I guess with Alice's driving it may as well have been down the road. We wove through the traffic and in no time entered the city. She parked the car, and I went to undo my seatbelt. I felt Alice's smooth icy fingers on my hand.

"Just wait here Bella. I won't even be two minutes." she replied as I looked at her questioningly.

Alice checked to make sure that no one was watching, and ran down the street, and turned a corner in an instant with her vampire speed. I was left in the car wondering what on earth she could be doing, and why I couldn't come with her. True to her word though, I didn't have time to dwell on this mystery for long. Two minutes later she strolled down the street with a bag in her hand. She opened the trunk, and tossed it in, and then entered the car. She gazed at my questioning expression, and giggled.

"Some things, you just cannot buy in Forks..." was all the explanation she was going to offer. She started the car, and within minutes were back on our way to the Cullen house.

When we arrived at the house, Alice grabbed the bag from the trunk, and then guided me into the house. The rest of the family was there. Carlisle and Esme smiled warmly as I entered their house. Rosalie merely nodded to me, and then made her way up the stairs. All the rest of the family were hunting now. What happened next surprised me.

Alice glanced at Carlisle and Esme, and then called Rosalie back into the room. She made her way back with a huff, and stood there tapping her foot. Rosalie made no secret of her dislike for me. I looked down at my hands.

"Okay...everyone out please. Bella and I need to talk. You can return in two hours." Alice said in her pixie voice, and pointed to the door. "No closer than three miles, and I will see it if anyone tries to come back here!" she continued as her delicate voice began to gain in volume. Rosalie, Esme, and Carlisle looked confused, but they made their way to the door. If Alice told them they needed to do something, they trusted her, and did not argue.

I began to ask Alice what was going on, but she put her hand on my lips. "Shhhh" she said and then her eyes went blank for 30 seconds. She snapped out of her vision then and smiled. "They are far enough away now...." she explained.

"Far enough away for what?" I asked her.

"Far enough away that they won't hear us. I know this isn't easy for you Bella. But the questions you want to ask, will be easier to ask if you know that there are not others in the house with super hearing that can hear every word you speak." she said sweetly.

I'd forgotten about that! Whew...Alice was a lifesaver. Alice led me to her room, and I sat on a chair. She sat on the bed, and waited for me to speak. I looked at her, and then my hands. I looked up again, and fidgeted. How should I start? A broad smile appeared on Alice's face, and she moved to me. I felt her fingers on my cheek. She had nothing but love in her golden eyes. She guided my face to lock her eyes with mine. "Ask me..." she said in a melodic whisper.

I gulped. "Alice...last night...." I began, and blushed deeper as I saw Alice's smile grow wider. She'd seen us last night! Shaking the thought off, I continued. "...last night...well you wouldn't believe it! It was so incredible Alice! Well you saw it. You must have saw it! I couldn't believe it was happening! I felt so good. Edward was so wonderful. I felt so happy...and loved...and it was like one of the best things that ever happened between us!" I blurted out. I was starting to feel more at ease now.

Alice nodded, and waited for me to continue. "Anyways...Edward made me feel so good Alice. And umm...well...I...." I broke my gaze with her. I stared at the floor now, and my voice dropped. "I...want to make Edward feel good too" I confessed in little more than a whisper. I looked up, and saw Alice's wide smile.

"It's okay Bella. There is nothing wrong with wanting to make Edward feel good." she said seriously. I nodded in reply.

"But first things first...what would you like to do to make Edward feel good?" she then asked me.

My face went even redder, if possible. How could I give voice to my desires? I was too embarassed now. Part of the problem was that a few of the words I wanted to use, I'd never even really spoken aloud before. So how could I do it now, when Alice was here? I sighed, and played with my hands for a few seconds. I looked back up at Alice, begging her with my eyes.

"Ahh..." she said knowingly. She took my hand in hers, and rubbed it softly. "So...ok then...terminology first."

She stood up then, and walked to the window and looked outside. Maybe she thought that it would be easier if I didn't have to see her face as she spoke.

"Bella...I'm going to use some terms, and you must not get offended. I know it will be embarassing for you, but trust me..." she turned around to look at me now and continued. "...that will pass with time, and practice. Do you trust me Bella?" she then asked. I nodded, and she turned to look out the window again.

"Bella...have you seen Edward's cock?" she asked me plainly.

I took a sharp intake of breath. I was floored at Alice's unexpected question. My eyes opened wide, and my throat constricted. I couldn't speak. Alice laughed.

"It's just a word Bella..." she trilled lightly. "So...have you? Have you seen his cock?"

I shook my head no. She tilted her head and put her hand to her ear, and pretended she couldn't hear me. "No..." I said out loud.

"Do you want to?" she then asked me.

I nodded furiously. She made the "I can't hear you" gesture again. I sighed. "Yes, I want to..." I said in little more than a whisper. Alice nodded, and prodded me.

"You want to what?" she asked seriously.

"I want to see it..." I admitted in the same hushed tone as before.

"Want to see what?" she continued the questioning.

"I want to see...his...cock..." I clarified for her. I felt a tingle go through my own body as I heard my own voice say such a thing. I did blush again though. My heart rate increased as I voiced my desire.

"Well Bella...you said you wanted to make Edward feel good?" she was in full teacher mode now.

"Yeah, I want to make him feel good...." I admitted.

"Well if Edward was here now, naked before you...how would you make him feel good?" she asked me.

"Well...I would want to feel him with my hands..." I said sheepishly.

"Feel what exactly?" Alice continued to quiz me.

"His...cock. I would want to touch it. Feel it..." I admitted. I felt so guilty saying such things. But I had to admit, it was getting easier. I began to think about all the things I would do if Edward was here naked before me.

Alice nodded knowingly, and waited for me to continue.

"And...I want...it in my mouth." I confessed. Alice went to make the gesture again, but I cut her off before she could finish it. "I want to feel his cock in my mouth. I want to taste him...and lick him..." I finished. My breathing was coming in gasps now, and I could feel my arousal increasing at just the thought of doing these things with Edward.

Alice watched me...with her perfect white teeth formed into a radiant smile at my admission. She nodded again that I should keep going.

I didn't hesitate as much now before I spoke. "Oh God...Alice...I can't even describe it. It's just...last night as Edward was on top of me...I felt his erection against me. Oh...it felt so big and hard against my body. If he was here right now...oh...I would want to touch him all over the way he did to me. I want to kiss him, and lick him, and caress my way all over his body. Covering his head and neck with my caresses, and licking my way down his hard chest...and I want to touch him. Touch his cock...and taste him..." I confessed, and felt a jolt at how much easier it was getting to talk about this with Alice.

"That sounds definitely like a good start Bella..." she said with a giggle. She moved to me, and extended her hand. I took it, and she guided me until I was standing beside her. She pulled me close beside her, and she rested her head on my shoulder. I could feel her cool skin next to me even through my clothes.

"Bella...do you love Edward?" she asked me. She knew that I loved him. There must be another reason for her to ask me.

I didn't think twice. "Yes, I love him." I answered.

"I know you do. My advice to you then...is go with your instincts. If you love him...then _love_ him. You won't make a mistake. All the things you want to do with him...are natural. It's normal. When you are with Edward, and you want to do something...leave your inhibitions at the door. When it comes to love, _be fearless_" she explained.

I nodded. She was right. Part of my insecurity with Edward and making him happy was constantly doubting myself, or being afraid that I would mess it up. Maybe I shouldn't overthink things as much? That made sense. No more doubt...no more worries. I'd do my best to reciprocate, and even if I didn't get it right the first time...well practice makes perfect.

"So..." I looked at Alice..."is school over?" I began to laugh.

"Almost..." she said with a wink, and handed me the bag she'd got in Port Angeles.

I opened the bag, and gasped loudly. Alice merely laughed at my reaction. Inside was a vibrator. It was shaped exactly like a hard cock, and was made of a purplish jelly like substance. It took batteries, and had from what I could make out several speed settings. My face went red again, as I looked up at Alice.

"Practice with that Bella. I felt that maybe a little _hands on _help would benefit you." she giggled as she emphasized the "hands on" part.

Her eyes then took on a serious expression. "That's your homework Bella. Edward...well, he's your final exam...!"


	11. Homework

**Chapter 11: Homework**

When Alice dropped me off at home it was around 7 pm. I thanked her for all her help, and blushed again as she reminded me to not forget about my "homework". I could still hear her musical laugh as the Mercedes sped down the street. I put Alice's homework in my backpack, and made my way inside.

"Bells?" I heard my dad call from the kitchen.

"Hey Dad. It's me." I answered.

I made my way into the kitchen. Charlie had ordered a pizza, and was just finishing a slice on his plate as I entered the kitchen.

"Sorry about not making supper dad. I was with Alice. She was helping me...study. I have a test coming up soon" I said with a grin. It wasn't exactly the truth, but it wasn't really a lie either. What Charlie didn't know, wouldn't hurt him. I made my way to the fridge and poured a glass of milk.

What happened next I was unprepared for.

"Well, if you want...I could always help you study." Charlie offered.

I choked on the milk, and ran to the sink. Milk was coming out of my mouth, and even my nose as I struggled to find some composure from my coughing and laughing fit.

He looked at me puzzled, as I wiped my face, and ran the water in the sink to clean up the mess.

"Sorry. The milk went down the wrong way I guess" I said sheepishly. Charlie thought nothing of it, although he was relieved I was okay, and then began eating some more pizza.

I talked with my dad for about 30 minutes about his day, and then told him I had some homework to do. I excused myself to my room to study, and kissed Charlie's forehead before I went upstairs. I went into my room, and locked the door. I even closed the window, and shut the curtain. I knew Edward wouldn't be back from his hunting trip until at least 10 pm. Still, I didn't want him coming to my house early and catching me practicing. I blushed a bit at the thought. It's a wonder my cheeks weren't permanently tinged red with how much I blushed all the time!

I took the books out of my bag, and put them on my desk. If Charlie came up checking up on me...I wanted it to look like I was indeed studying. I pulled Alice's bag from my own, and took the vibrator out of the package. I placed the box back in the bag, and closed it up tightly. I definitely wasn't putting that in the trash for Charlie to find! I would have to dispose of it discretely tomorrow.

I didn't have any batteries, but that was alright. I wouldn't need them tonight for this practice session. I looked at the purple jelly like flesh which was formed into the shape of a hard cock. My cheeks coloured as I said the word "cock", even in my mind. Some habits were hard to break I guess. But I was getting better.

I sat down at my desk, and thought about what Alice had asked me. What would I do to make Edward feel good? I ran my fingers over the purple jelly. Yes...I would do that. I would trail my fingers over his cock. Would Edward's cock twitch and throb as he felt my fingers brush against his hardness? Would his body thrash under my inexperienced touches? Would I be able to give Edward pleasure? I shook my head, I was thinking too much. Go with your instincts Bella, I reminded myself.

I wrapped my delicate hand around the shaft of the vibrator. Yes, I would do that too. I bet Edward would love to feel my hand around the shaft of his cock. Oh my...I was getting aroused again at these thoughts. My pulse began to race at the same time as my breathing became shallow. Two hands now. I placed another hand above my first. I wrung my hands lightly in opposite directions as they lightly gripped the purple cock . I wanted to do this with Edward so badly. I didn't care that it was my first time practicing. Instead of the soft jelly, I longed to feel Edward's smooth granite hard cock in my hands. Oh God...

Soft whispers now."Edward...I can't wait to feel your cock. I can't wait to run my fingers over every inch of your perfect cock. Oh Edward...I want to please you the way you always please me."

I took one hand away, and began pumping slowly up and down the thick shaft. "Edward...I want to pump your cock..." My soft murmuring continued.

Alice had been right. I was barely blushing at all now as I spoke my sexy thoughts aloud. It _was_ becoming easier.

I moved by the mirror in my room, and watched my hands play with the vibrator. "Do you wish this was your cock Edward? Do you want to feel my hands on you? On your cock? Are you hard for me? Do you want me to..." I trailed off. I did blush now. "...Do you want me to...make you cum Edward?" I said almost breathlessly. A shiver ran through my body as I spoke the last part.

Still watching myself in the mirror...I brought the fake cock up to my face. I trailed it over my soft cheeks. My thoughts were running wild now. "Do you want your cock on my lips Edward? Feel it against my soft and pale cheek? What do you want me to do Edward? Do you want me..." Oh God...my mind was utterly in the gutter now. My body was pulsing with an unseen heat as I lightly whispered all my lust filled thoughts out loud. "Do you want me to suck you until..." A ripple of pleasure began between my legs. "until...I make you cum?" I finished. I struggled for breath.

I rubbed the head of the vibrator over my delicate lips. How many times had Edward kissed these lips? Mmm. Now I wanted more than his lips on mine. I wanted his hard cock trailing lightly over my lips. The image in the mirror obeyed my thoughts. I watched the purple cock dance and play over my lips. I opened my mouth now. My tongue peeked out between my lips, and I hesitantly licked the vibrator's head. I moved up and down the shaft now, lubricating it with my saliva. I placed my lips along the shaft, and kissed up and down lightly. My hand lightly pumped up and down the slick shaft now, as my tongue made lazy circles over the head. Then my lips wrapped around the head.

I couldn't believe it. I had a fake cock in my mouth. I sucked on it gently, as my hand continued to play along the shaft. My eyes were open wide as I watched myself work on the vibrator in my mouth. I pushed the vibrator in more...tongue still swirling inside my mouth. I removed the cock then, and kissed it all over before placing it in my mouth. As I watched my oral practice in the mirror, my legs began to move in and out on their own. There was a slow and steady fire building up inside me, I could tell. I would need release soon...

**A/N: Thanks to all who have read so far, and favourited/subscribed etc. It's nice to know people are enjoying my story, even though it doesn't have too many reviews. /cough cough/ Heh. Just kidding. **


	12. Hands On

**Chapter 12: Hands On**

My desire was increasing exponentially now. I watched myself practicing on the purple cock in the mirror. My mouth was all over it...exploring every inch of the soft purple flesh. I wished so much that it was Edward. I wanted to please him...to love him. My hands continued working all over the vibrator, competing at times with my lips and tongue. Oh God Edward...I want you in my mouth. I want to taste you. I need to suck on your hardness Edward. Please let my tongue please you. All these thoughts were running uncontrolled through my mind. I watched in the mirror as my eyes seemed to glaze over with lust. My once chocolate coloured eyes seemed to burn with a smouldering fire now. I needed release. I needed it soon. No...I needed it now.

I glanced at the clock. 9:02 pm. That should give me a little less than an hour. It was more than enough time. But I had to take into account "clean up" time as well. I didn't want any evidence of what I knew was going to be an eventful playtime for me to be left for Edward to discover. I had to take care of some things first however.

I put the vibrator in my desk drawer, and gave myself a minute to come down from my lusty thoughts. My eyes returned to their usual brightness, and my rose coloured cheeks began to return to their usual paleness. Ok, I was ready. I put on my best "tired" face, and made my way to the stairs. I trudged down them slowly, letting Charlie take in each heavy thudding step.

"Hey dad..." I said as I entered the living room. Charlie was watching sports as usual. He looked up at me when I spoke.

"Hey Bells. Something wrong?" he asked as he eyed me.

"No. I'm just tired. Too much studying I guess. I am starting to get a headache. I'm gonna turn in early..." I explained to him in a worn out sounding voice. He seemed to buy it.

"Oh ok Bella. Goodnight hun. Next time don't study too hard ok?" he said as he got up from his chair. He took me in his arms, and hugged me goodnight.

"Ok dad. Duly noted..." I teased as I returned his hug. He smiled at that, and I watched him return to his favourite easy chair. I made my way back up the stairs again slowly. My heartbeat increased with each step I took closer to my room. I knew what awaited me there – release, blissful release. I needed it so badly now. I entered my room, and locked the door.

My shirt, and jeans were off in a flash. I looked down, and could see my panties were wet. No surprise there...my practice session had left me more than hot and bothered – it had left me wet and yearning. I removed my bra, and then my panties. Completely naked now I tossed the clothes in my hamper, and made my way to the drawer. I retrieved the vibrator, and walked over to the shelf in my room. Batteries. I knew there was some batteries around here somewhere. I looked around for half a minute, but found none. A flash of inspiration hit me then. I moved to my stereo remote, and removed the batteries. Perfect. I put them in the vibrator, and turned it on. It made a soft buzzing sound, and I could see it quivering lightly. I adjusted the speed a bit, but went a bit too far. The fake cock's buzz approached a dangerous volume, and the toy shook violently in my hand. I quickly turned it off, as my cheeks went pink. I wondered what it would feel like to have the fake cock thrash around inside me on it's highest setting. My face went even redder now. No matter, I would start off low anyways. I wasn't sure how I would react, or if I would make any noise so decided to err on the side of caution. With that in mind, I made my way to the bed.

Once there, I pulled the sheets down, and climbed in. My heart was racing now. I could hear my blood pounding through my veins. The anticipation was so intense. I turned the vibrator on it's lowest setting again, and felt it pulsing quietly in my hand. I lay back then, and put it to my lips.

"I want you Edward..." I whispered softly. I trailed the buzzing toy from my lips, and down my neck to my breasts. My nipples were already hard with my excitement. I moved the cock over my breasts. The vibrations, and the sensations they elicited literally took my breath away. Wow. My body was writhing now as I moved the toy from one breast to the other. Each time I got close to my nipple, the pleasure in my body increased. I was gasping now. My mouth was open trying to draw breath, but with each shudder of my body, it seemed I could not take in enough air. I continually felt breathless as the fake cock vibrated softly around the soft skin of my exposed breasts.

I moved the toy down my stomach, and I spread my legs apart almost without thought. I moved the toy across my waist, and then trailed it down my outer thigh. MMMM. The heat in my body increased now. I allowed the toy to cross my leg, and to my inner thigh. I whimpered now. My legs moved of their own accord now. The closer the toy got to the spot between my legs, the more my legs seemed to move. My body was trying to guide my hand between my legs, but I ignored it. I mimiced the movement on my other thigh now – starting on my outer thigh, and then ending on my inner thigh. The toy began to climb my inner thigh. Oh God... I let a soft moan escape my lips. I could feel my inner thighs were wet with my desire. I couldn't hold out any longer.

I let the toy find my slit, and I gasped as I felt the quivering object touch the smooth skin of my labia. My head moved from side to side...trying to make sense of the feelings running through my body. Oh God...it felt so good. I reached down, and spread my delicate pink lips. My fingers were soaked immediately. My juices were running freely now. I moaned again as I touched my soft pink petals. I placed the fake cock on my inner lips now...and my whole body froze. Oh. My. God. I tried to breathe, tried to move...but nothing happened. All I was aware of was the pulsing cock between my legs, and the amazing sensation it gave to my body.

My eyes were open wide now, as the fake cock pleasured me. I ran it up and down my lips, and it glided easily over the slick folds. As pleasurable as this was however, I wanted more. I pressed the head of the toy at my entrance, and it dutifully pulsed against me. My body quivered now. I guided it inside me slightly. I felt my inner walls immediately wrap the head of the vibrating cock in their firm embrace. My whimpering increased now. I pushed it in deeper. I began to pant as I felt the quivering toy slide deeper inside me. My vice-like walls immediately engulfed the purple jelly cock. I struggled to find my breath. My hand moved over my mouth as my noise level increased with each inch the cock penetrated me. Oh God...it was almost all the way inside now. My eyes glazed over with pleasure at the sensation.

I slowly moved my hand now, guiding the toy out of my slick center. I felt it hard to concentrate. My whole body was shuddering as I hovered the toy over my entrance again. I pushed it in again slowly, and felt my wet walls wrap around it, not wanting to let go. I began to move the cock in and out now. I started off slowly. Little moans and sighs managed to escape my lips. I gave up trying to contain them. I began to whisper all my desires out loud.

"Oh Edward...I want you inside me." I confessed out loud. My head lolled to the side as I spoke. The pleasure between my legs was so intense. I continued to thrust in and out with the fake cock. My tempo was increasing. I continued to voice my desires.

"Edward...I want your cock inside me. Oh Edward...make love to me. Make me yours forever, and ever." I moaned softly. My finger found my excited clit, and I played with it teasingly as I continued to masturbate with the toy. My core was soaked now, and I could hear slight squishing sounds as the toy thrust into my wetness again and again. My scent hung in the air too I realized. The whole room smelled of my arousal. It didn't matter. All that mattered at that moment was the impending tidal wave of release that I knew would surely come soon.

"Edward...I wish you were thrusting into me now. I wish this was you..." I spoke in barely a whisper. "Make love to me. Show me how much you love me..." I continued in hushed tones.

It wouldn't be long now. I continued to thrust the cock into me as my hand played over my sensitive love button. My moans increased in both frequency and volume. I was close. The pleasure in my body was approaching overload. I switched positions now. My fingers – two of them – penetrated my quivering wetness, as I hovered the fake cock over my clitoris. I was pretty sure I knew exactly what would happen when I put the quivering head against my most sensitive of areas. I closed my eyes, and guided the cock to my clit as my fingers worked their magic inside me. I found my secret spot instantly at the same time as the pulsing cock found my clit.

I felt my walls clamp down on my fingers, and spasm uncontrollably. Every molecule of my being seemed to stop then, and then get pulled inward. It was as if my entire body imploded, and made it's way to the head of my clitoris. Once there, it concentrated itself to an overwhelming sense of pure ecstacy, and then it exploded into a supernova of pleasure. Radiating from my clit, I felt every part of my body bathed in complete and utter bliss. I felt my orgasm ripple through my body again and again.

I couldn't speak. My body tried to moan, and sigh, and scream out in ecstacy...but no sound was made. My eyes were open wide – stunned at the pureness of the pleasure I was experiencing. Slowly, I felt my body relinquish the exquisite feeling, and my head came down from the stars. I lay in bed panting at the experience. I felt completely drained. I glanced at the clock. It was 9:40.

"Darn. Edward will be here in 20 minutes!" I said lightly, as I shut the fake cock off. I began to get out of bed, when a voice stopped me. My heart stopped. It wasn't the sweet musical voice I'd come to expect.

"I'm here now..." Edward said without emotion. He stood by the window, his expression blank. He did not look at my naked body. He locked his eyes with mine. My own eyes opened wide then as I gazed into Edward's. His eyes...they were completely black. Like molten onyx, there was not a trace of gold in them. Impossible! He'd hunted today...they should be topaz...

"I have to leave." he said in a low growl, and was out the window instantly, before I could even speak...

**A/N: Special thanks to Cryssa Pattz. :) She is my number 1 reviewer! **


	13. Bella Surrenders

Chapter 13: Bella Surrenders

"Edward..." I whispered as my hand reached for him, but it was too late. He'd already gone. I fought the nausea I could feel in the pit of my stomach. My body was trembling. My vision got hazy as I felt the tears forming now. I tried to keep them back, but it was useless. A tear trailed down my cheek. Edward had seen me. I didn't know how long he'd been here, but even if it was just for the last minute it would have been enough. My heart sunk as I remembered his eyes on me.

Edward hadn't even looked at my nakedness. He simply stared at my face. Those piercing eyes seemed to reach right into my soul. What had he seen there? A lump rose into my throat. I tried to unravel the mystery of Edward's haunting eyes. He'd hunted today, I knew. His eyes should have been liquid amber...not onyx. The last time I'd seen him with those eyes was...the first day I'd met him. The tears were falling freely now as I remembered the way he'd looked at me then, to how he'd looked tonight. It was the same.

When I'd first arrived in Forks, Edward had an unusual reaction to me. I didn't realize it at the time of course, but my blood seemed to sing out to him. It sorely tested his decades of perfect control around humans. I had no idea how close I had been to death that first day in Biology. It was the reason Edward had left for a week after we'd met. My body shuddered once more. Edward had left then too, and he had left my house tonight with eyes that looked identical.

Later, I learned that Edward had initially hated me. It wasn't that I had done anything, it was just the way my scent and my blood seemingly screamed at him to devour me. He'd resented the fact that I was so tempting to him, and nearly caused him to give in to the monster that was inside him - the monster that he tried so hard to control with his almost perfect restraint.

I collapsed on my bed as I remembered all these things, and parallelled them to Edward's behaviour tonight. Did Edward hate me now? Did he leave because he was disgusted at my lewd behaviour? Was it because I so tempted him like that day so long ago? Was he about to lose control? Was the scent of my blood and arousal too much for him? Not knowing was driving me crazy.

I had to find out. I threw on my bath robe, and went to my backpack. I stood near my desk and dialed the familiar number, and it didn't even ring once. At her voice, I sobbed into the phone.

"Bella? What's wrong? Where is Edward...?" Alice asked quickly, a hint of worry in her voice as she heard my sobs.

"He....saw me...practicing. His eyes.... He said he had to leave..." I said through the sobs. The tears streamed down my face, as I remembered the blank expression on Edward's face, and the low growl in which he had spoken to me. I was sure he hated me. I didn't deserve him. I didn't before, and certainly not now...after tonight's behaviour.

Alice was quiet. She was searching the future for a vision. I was sure of it.

"You're right. He left..." she said sadly.

What? Of course he did. I had told her that already. He said he had to leave, and he had left out the window. What an odd thing for Alice to say. My mind realized that something was not right with this conversation. My brain slowly worked to unravel the puzzle of this conversation. Several seconds passed in silence. Realization hit me then. No. No! Noooooo! Edward!

"Bella? Are you okay?" Alice asked me, her musical voice tainted with worry.

I didn't reply to her. My mind rejected the idea immediately, but it still clung to the fringes of my psyche. This couldn't be happening. Not again. He promised he would never leave me again. He promised! Edward and I would be together forever. He couldn't leave me. Edward! Don't you dare leave me! My vision began to fade. My knees buckled.

"Bella? Bella!!" I heard Alice shriek into the phone. I didn't answer. I dropped the phone, as I sunk to my knees. Breathing was too much of an effort. My heart struggled with the realization that Edward, my Angel, was leaving again. It was all my fault. I'd brought him to this. I was so selfish. He'd told me it was too dangerous, but I'd ignored him. Now that I'd succeeded in showing how I was unworthy of him, he'd never come back.

"Bella! I am coming over RIGHT NOW!" I heard Alice yelling into the phone. "Stay with me Bella...!" her voice was frantic. I was vaguely aware of a mechanical growling emanating from the phone beside me. Alice must be in the Mercedes now, racing to my house, pushing the powerful engine to the limits of safety. She sounded almost hysterical with worry. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

The blackness reached for me then. I didn't fight back. Dark embrace, take away my pain. Edward had once told me that there was no point in him living in a world where I didn't exist. I smiled. I knew exactly what he meant.

"I'm sorry Edward" I said softly as my heartbeat faltered. Once was enough. Twice...I couldn't bear it. Not again. I wasn't strong enough. The blackness reached for me one last time. I didn't resist. I surrendered to the darkness...

**A/N: This is just a short chapter to set up the next one. You'll find out what exactly what is going on, and Edward's side of things in the next chapter or two. Hang in there! ;)**


	14. Waking Up

**Chapter 14: Waking up**

My mind was an ocean of endless dark. I was vaguely aware of a light struggling against the infinite blackness before me. Relentless, it focused itself into the tiniest pinprick of light. From there, it grew steadily. It worked hard against the inky haze in my head, but it was definitely gaining ground. Things were becoming more clear now. I was asleep, but on the verge of waking I realized. I felt the familiar cold arms cradling my body gently. Those icy arms...so strong, but yet so gentle with me. I could stay here forever.

My mind was working again. I was trying to put together the pieces in my head now. Something had happened. Something bad. I felt a jolt through my system. Edward had seen me, and had left. My memory shifted now to the phone call with Alice. I could see myself through my mind's eye losing control – falling into despair. Edward had left? My heart stuttered now. I felt the arms close around me even tighter. I recalled Alice's panicked voice on the phone. "Stay with me Bella...!" she'd said. I felt an ice cold finger on my cheek. I smiled. Realization dawned on me then. Edward hadn't left! He was here now, and holding me as he always did. My eyelids snapped open immediately. I had to see his beautiful face. I had to apologize...

As soon as my eyes adjusted to the light, they ran up to the face of the beautiful vampire holding me tightly, and caressing my cheek.

"Alice?" I whispered in surprise.

She smiled sweetly at me, still caressing my cheek. I closed my eyes, overwhelmed at her light touch. I heard her shift slightly, and then I felt her hands in my hair now...running through my dark locks. Her eyes – they looked so powerful. Her gleaming amber eyes were filled with concern and love for me. As my eyes opened, the concern was replaced with happiness.

|She didn't say anything for a minute or so. She just continued holding me with her one hand, and continued to run her fingers through my hair. I had to admit, it felt good. I felt completely at ease now. I knew I should be frantic with worry now. Where was Edward? I had to find him. I had to...

Alice put her soft cool hands on my forehead. I closed my eyes as the coolness radiated over my face. Alice's soft musical voice broke the silence.

"I'm sorry... I wasn't watching. I should have seen..." she apologized. Regret filled her eyes now. She always blamed herself when something happened. It was ridiculous, I thought. She couldn't be watching everything at every second of the day. I took her hand in mine. She smiled amusedly as my warm soft hand entwined with her hard icy palm.

"It's not your fault Alice. It was mi-" but then I felt her other hand on my lips.

"Shhhhh" she cooed. "The past doesn't matter. What matters now - is the present, and ultimately the future..." she explained. I didn't reply right away. I just let Alice hold me. Her stone arms were what I needed right now. It wasn't Edward, but it was a cold and icy embrace. That was what I was used to, and what I needed more than anything right now to keep me calm. I closed my eyes again, loving the closeness of Alice. She really was more than my best friend, I realized.

"I love you Alice..." I said softly, surprised at the intensity of my feelings for her. I cuddled against her cool body now...my face buried on her shoulder.

Alice didn't say anything right away. I could imagine her grinning now at my admission. Finally she spoke. It sounded like the voice of an Angel.

"I love you too Bella. We all do. " she whispered into my ear. I wondered if that still included Edward.

* * *

Alice had filled me in on what had happened since I blacked out. She'd come over, and snuck into my room. She'd found me on the floor, and put me in bed. I must have blacked out, but my vitals were still good. I had no doubt that Alice's keen senses would be able to correctly ascertain my condition. She held me all night, trying to soothe me through my nightmares, and waited until Charlie had gone to work. Around 730 am she had called Charlie, and said that she had stopped in to check on me this morning before school, since I hadn't been feeling well while she was talking to me the night before. She said I still was really sick, and had asked Charlie to call the school and let them know that I would not be in school today. Charlie did not doubt Alice at all.

I had woken up at 9:00 am or so, and it was now 9:45. I was dressed, and now all Alice and I had to do is figure out what to do next. Alice was thinking now. I couldn't take not knowing any longer.

"Alice...does Edward hate me?" I asked her in a whisper.

Alice's eyes were wide with shock, and she put her hand to her mouth as she gasped.. Her face looked horror stricken as well. She cocked her head to the side after a few seconds, and something clicked in her head.

"Bella! Is that why you were so emotional last night? You think Edward hates you?!" she asked in awe. I simply nodded slowly. Understanding dawned on her delicate features.

She ran to me and put her arms around me. If vampires could cry, I'm sure she would be crying now. She was really and truly upset at my revelation. She kissed my forehead, and gazed at me once more, sadness filling her eyes.

"I had no idea Bella." she said as she shook her head. She smacked her forehead lightly. "Why oh why didn't I see this?!" she said exasperated. I was confused now.

"No Bella...Edward definitely does not hate you..." she said softly. I felt better immediately. Edward didn't hate me? He didn't care that I'd given into my wanton desires, and was pleasuring myself? I let out a slow breath. But if he didn't hate me, then why did he leave? I had to find out from Alice.

"If he doesn't hate me...then why did he leave?" I asked her confused.

Alice's golden eyes studied my face for a few seconds. They opened wide again.

"Bella...did you think Edward left, and was not coming back?" she asked me in a voice filled with wonder.

"Yes..." I squeaked out.

Alice closed her eyes then. She let out a sigh. She was frustrated with herself I could tell.

"I'm sorry Bella. I never for a moment thought that was what you were thinking. I knew you were upset that Edward had to leave, but how you could believe that he hated you and was not coming back..." she trailed off.

"But why did he leave Alice?" I asked again.

"He left..." she began. "...because he hates himself." she finished. She sighed once more...

**A/N: Next Chapter – Edward Returns. Stay tuned. ;)**


	15. Saved by an Angel

**Chapter 15: Saved by an Angel**

**A/N: I am breaking my own unspoken rule now. I am writing this chapter from Edward's POV. Usually I dislike when stories change POV mid chapter, or story, but I feel it's necessary for everyone to see exactly why Edward left, and not rely on Bella's inaccurate decryption of his behaviour.**

Also, for clarity: 

_Sentences in italics are from the monster in Edward_.

**Sentences bolded are his internal thoughts directed at the monster. **

Bella cannot hear either one obviously. ;)

(Flashback)

I'd returned home from hunting a bit earlier than normal. I'd hunted well, and it should allow me to keep my precious control for another 10 days at least. My unbeating heart was elated. Ten uninterrupted days and nights with my beloved. A smile crept over my lips at the thought. An image of Bella entered my mind. Oh Bella...so beautiful. No other on earth or heaven could compare to her, I was sure of it. She was the one. She was all I would ever want or need. I couldn't wait to embrace her once again. I should get to her house at roughly 10 pm.

I got to Bella's house earlier than normal. My impatience at seeing her had driven me to a new record of speed I thought smugly. I could hear Bella in her room. I snuck up quietly, making sure I was not seen from the street. I sensed movement from Bella's bed. I snickered lightly. Was Bella so impatient to have me lay with her, that she was already in her bed waiting for me to arrive? That would be so like her, I thought.

As I deftly made my way into her room, I was immediately sure that something was different. Bella's scent was a thousand times stronger now. I felt on edge immediately. It had only been a few hours since I'd seen her at school. Why was her scent so powerful now? I licked my lips, and then immediately shook my head. Something was wrong. Then I heard her sweet voice whisper words that would have stopped my heart beating, if it were not already dead.

"Edward...I want your cock inside me. Oh Edward...make love to me. Make me yours forever, and ever." she said.

I froze. I knew instantly now why her scent was so much stronger than normal. I knew what I had to do, but I couldn't do it. I had to leave. No good could come of this, I was sure. My eyelids fluttered as another wave of Bella's scent assaulted me. I could smell her blood and her desire now. The smell was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. My hands trembled. Don't look Edward, I chastised myself. My head slowly turned of it's own accord, ignoring my feeble attempts at reasoning.

I knew what to expect, but the thought did not adequately prepare me for what I saw. Bella...she was completely naked on the bed. My eyes ran across her body, scanning every inch of it in a second. The beauty and sexiness I found would remain in my mind forever – perfectly preserved in meticulous detail by my amazing vampire brain. I was devouring every cell of her skin, and cataloguing every little moan and whimper she made. I could see that she was pleasuring herself. She had obtained a sex toy, obviously...and was using it in place of me. My eyes hovered between her legs. I saw the glistening wet between her thighs as the vibrator penetrated Bella's most intimate place again and again.

My hunger increased. I heard the monster inside me now. He'd been quiet for so long. I never heard him in Bella's presence anymore, but after so many months, he was back.

_Take her. Do it now. She is so soft, and vulnerable. Drink her blood. Satisfy your hunger. Don't deny what you are... _

I could feel my anger rising inside me.

**No! I will not harm her. You do not control me. I choose when, what, and why I hunt. You obey me. You **_**will**_** obey me.**

_You are weak Edward. Do what you were created to do. It's just a human. Do not cloud your instincts with intellectual arguments. You are a killer. You will kill her. Listen! Can't you hear it?! Her blood calls out to you! Surely you hear it! Give in, just this once..._

I couldn't move. Bella's sweet voice broke the silence as I waged war with my inner demon.

"Edward...I wish you were thrusting into me now. I wish this was you..." she whispered then. "Make love to me. Show me how much you love me..." she finished breathlessly.

I was pathetic. Bella did not deserve me. I was her boyfriend, and look what happened. I'd been so worried about protecting her, I couldn't give her what she needed. This poor creature...she only craved for me to love her, and when I denied her, she ended up searching out prosthetic erections in order to satisfy her desires. This ends now.I would show Bella love. 

My mind raced at the thought of being with Bella. I could imagine our bodies entwined now. So close, not knowing where one ended and the other began. Yes, to feel Bella close to me. To smell her scent as I excited her. To hear her whisper my name, and moan for me. Oh God... To feel my teeth against her neck, tasting her blood as I thrust into her. Wait! What? Where did that come from?

_Kill her Edward. Drink her blood. It's what you want. What you've always wanted. Do not delude yourself any longer..._

**Get out! I am not listening to what you say any longer! **

_It was you who thought about drinking her blood just now. YOU! It is what you want, what you need. _

**I can't hurt Bella. She is my life. And yet...one little taste? Would it be so bad? I could always stop...**

_Yessssssssssssss. One little taste..._

My eyes focused on my prey again. My hunger was so strong now. I would give anything to satisfy it. Visions of Bella flooded my mind now. Her nakedness, her fingers working over her clit in a blur. The heaving of her chest as she pleasured herself. I opened my mouth slightly. I was in hunting mode now. My mind was giving itself over to my senses. It will be so easy. I took a step toward the dark haired girl with the luminous brown eyes.

A vision flashed across my eyes. Two people – vampire and human in a meadow. Bella and I. Something is wrong. What am I doing? My eyes opened wide. Bella? Was I about to attack Bella. My brain rejected the idea. I was strong. I would never attack Bella. I didn't seem so sure.

I watched her again. Her juices were flooding out from inside her. I saw her eyes open wide. Her whole body convulsed and thrashed. I could see those unseeing eyes lost in the throes of ecstacy. The look on her face drove me wild with desire. She was so sweet but she was also so sexy. I had to have her. She was everything I would ever need. I would make Bella mine tonight. Mine tonight, and forever and always. I will drink her blood, and change her tonight.

_Yessssssssss. _

I took another step closer. I was secreting venom now. I could feel my razor sharp teeth slick with it's poison. I was so sure of my actions. One bite, and it would all be over. Bella would be mine. My teeth would find her neck. I would feast upon her intoxicating blood, and then my venom would transform her into a companion worthy of nature's ultimate predator.

The monster inside me growled in triumph.

_Finally!_

I heard a voice. "Darn. Edward will be here in 20 minutes!" it had said.

"I'm here now" I heard myself replying. No sense denying the inevitable. Twenty minutes, or right now – it's all the same. Come to me Bella. Embrace your death. You will die tonight by my hands. You will be reborn as a vampire. Your time as a human is at it's end.

From somewhere deep in my head, I could feel something struggling against the fog that clouded my brain. It didn't matter. It was already too late. I focused on my prey now, analyzing her neck. I was about to strike. This is it.

Without warning, the frantic image fighting from deep inside my brain finally burst free of it's captor. This is what the monster did not want me to see.

My mind went black. An image of Bella appeared. Her chestnut eyes shone fiercely with love. Her soft skin shone as if under the sparkling sun. Her cheeks were slightly rose coloured as she blushed under my gentle caress. Her soft red lips parted then, revealing her white teeth. The Angel in my mind spoke three words, but it was enough.

"I love you" she said sincerely, and then faded from view.

I froze. Horror overcame me at what I was about to do. In my instant of sanity, I knew immediately that I was nowhere near being in control now. I could feel the monster rising inside me again. There was no time. There was only one thing I could do.

"I have to leave" I told her and dashed out the window. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I had to leave Forks NOW. I would deal with the consequences tomorrow, but for now Bella was safe from the monster. Safe from me...

(End Flashback)


	16. Edward's Return

**Chapter 16: Edward's Return**

I waited anxiously at the Cullen house. When would Edward come home I wondered. Alice had said that Edward hated himself. She hadn't explained anything further. I didn't press her. I knew Edward – he would punish himself relentlessly over what had happened. I wanted to talk with him so badly. I wanted to reassure him that everything was okay. But was it? I wasn't so sure. The only thing I knew for certain was that something had changed in him last night. The fact that he had to leave without any explanation was proof enough of that. My heart sank. I wondered how long it would take for Edward to get over this. How long until he and I were back to normal? I shook my head sadly. How long didn't matter – I would wait as long as it took.

Alice glided down the stairs. She looked excited, but apprehensive as well. Her eyes met Esme's then. I knew some unspoken communication was happening between them. I sighed – I hated being left out. Alice smiled at me.

"He's decided finally..." she began.

My heart stopped. Please let the next words out of Alice's mouth be "to come home". Please. Return to me Edward. I need you. I love you. Being apart from you...I'm not whole without you in my life. I held my breath.

"Edward is coming home. I see him talking on the phone to Carlisle in the next few minutes at the hospital." she finished her thought.

I let out my captured breath. My heart began pumping again. I could feel absolute joy and relief now. Edward was coming home! I had to talk to him. I had to help him through whatever it was he was going through. Suddenly, a wave of nervousness passed through me. Would Edward know to expect me here? Should I leave? Would he want to speak with Carlisle at home first about what happened? Doubt began to flow through my mind. Maybe I should go. Edward will see me when he is ready. I voiced my concern to Alice.

"Maybe it would be better if I wasn't here?" I asked her staring at the floor.

I heard Alice sigh. "Bella...you belong here." she answered sincerely. I had no doubt that she meant that in every possible way. Edward, Alice, Esme, Carlisle, and all the others, they really were as much my family now as Renee, Charlie, and Phil were. I smiled at Esme and Alice. They both stood gazing at me - warm smiles on their achingly beautiful faces.

"Thank you..." I murmered.

* * *

Thirty minutes passed with excruciating slowness. Alice began to fidget. This was not normal behaviour for a vampire, I noted amused. She was always so excitable. I looked at her, raising my eyebrow. Her eyes went blank. Then she turned her eyes to mine.

"He's almost here..." she said with an edge of excitement. Thirty seconds later, I heard the front door open. I let out a gasp. My heart was racing now. I wanted to run to him. I wanted to fly into his arms. But I stood frozen. I couldn't move. I had to see his eyes. Would Edward be okay? Would he want me to go? I shook the questions out of my head. I was thinking too much.

My mind registered movement. Esme had moved to him, and was holding him tightly. I could see Edward's arm around her now, and he was apologizing.

"We were so worried!" Esme said in a motherly tone.

"I'm sorry Esme." he said sadly. I could hear the regret in his voice that he'd hurt his family by leaving without an explanation. Even though I now knew his intentions were not permanent, he had hurt his family by not coming home, or talking to them about it first.

Alice looked at Edward, and he nodded. Alice was thinking something, and Edward had answered whatever question she had asked in her mind. I looked at Edward now. My eyes sought his. His brilliant amber eyes shone fiercely. His blazing golden eyes held my gaze, and I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck raise. The awkwardness in the air was so palpable.

I was suddenly aware that Edward and I were the only two people in the room. Where had Esme gone? Alice? She was here just a minute ago. It was just us. Had the others left to give us privacy? I didn't know, and I didn't care. I just wanted to have Edward tell me that he was okay, and that everything would be alright. Sadness filled his eyes now, and I saw his lips open.

"Bella..." he said. His voice was so musical, so tantalizingly sweet. "I'm sorry for..." he began.

I wasn't listening. As soon as I heard him whisper my name, I was aware that my feet were moving. I held my arms outstretched for him. Everything faded in my vision except for Edward. I ran to him as fast as I could, and for once did not trip. Not even my clumsiness could stop me from reaching the love of my life. Not now. I jumped onto his perfectly hard body. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my body tightly to his. My legs wrapped around his waist. Edward caught me, and held me up as my emotions took over. The tears began to fall. I didn't care. I didn't try to stop them. I pressed my head against Edward's shoulder, and sobbed. All my recent doubts seemingly disappeared as I found myself in Edward's arms once more.

Edward didn't speak. He let me cry in both relief and happiness for a few minutes. Once my emotional response was spent, I pulled away from his shoulder and looked into his beautiful eyes. I felt myself blush now – embarassed by my own behaviour. Edward smiled lightly as my cheeks coloured pink. I was elated by his smile. Such a simple thing, but it meant so much to see Edward smile now.

"Hi..." I whispered with a sheepish smile.

"Hi." he returned in breathtaking tones. He chuckled then. His smiler grew wider now. He put me down, and took my hand in his. I looked down at our hands...and shivered as I felt his icy cool fingers against my pale skin.

"Bella...we have to talk." he said drawing his hand away from mine ever so slightly.

I sighed. I knew we needed to talk. But I couldn't let go of his hand. My fingers wrapped around his tightly now, unwilling to let go.

"I know. But not right now." I replied meekly. Edward arched his eyebrow at me now, his expression confused.

So many thoughts were running through my mind now. What would Edward say? Why had he left? What had happened that night? Would he ever allow himself to be intimate with me? Would I ever feel those hands on my breasts again? Would Edward even trust himself to go that far again, even though he'd already proved that he could? Why were Edward's eyes so dark that night? I wanted to know the answers to all these questions. I was sure I would eventually find out most, or all of those answers at some point. But those questions were secondary. There was one thing I wanted to hear more than anything.

"Edward...? Tell me you love me..." I whispered in a voice so small that only he could ever possibly hear it. My heart began to race now. Please Edward, tell me that you still love me. Let me know that you still feel the same about me as I do towards you. I didn't have to wait long for his answer.

"I love you Bella." he replied. "You are my life..." he added.

My world made sense again. Edward was back, and he loved me as I did him. Some things were unsettled, however. I knew he wanted to talk, and that was alright. We _did_ have to talk about the things that had happened, and the changes in our relationship. I could deal with that. I could deal with anything, as long as Edward was in my life, and we would be together. The thought made me happy.

"Edward..." I began. "I know we have a lot to talk about." He nodded as I spoke. He began to speak, but I raised my fingers to his lips. He stopped speaking, and cocked his head to the side. Now that he was silent, I continued.

"Edward...last night...and today. You don't know. You just don't know. I thought..." I trailed off, wincing slightly at the memory of how I felt when I thought Edward wasn't coming back. Edward looked so sad now. His eyes held an aching sadness that he'd hurt me. I groaned at myself. This wasn't what I wanted. I sighed, frustrated with myself.

"Ugh! Edward...I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty. Its just..." I frowned now. How could I say what I needed without making Edward feel guilty, or sad? I just wanted him to know a bit how I felt, so that he could know what I needed. I stopped, and started a few times, and then gave up trying to explain _why_ I needed him to do what I wanted him to do. I took a deep breath, annoyed with myself. Finally, I decided to just say what I needed without explanation.

"Hold me Edward." I said whisper soft, and gazed at his perfect face.

Edward nodded to me, and immediately understood. I felt his arms wrap around me, and he guided me to the couch. He sat on the couch, and I leaned against him. I relished the coldness of his hard body next to me. I closed my eyes then, as I felt his hands running through my silky dark hair. We didn't speak. No words were necessary...


	17. The Talk

**Chapter 17: The Talk**

I was in Edward's arms. I sighed. His strong arms were holding me close to him, and his intoxicating scent flooded my senses relentlessly. I breathed deeply now...losing myself in Edward. I could feel my lips twist into a smile. I was happy. I heard his musical voice drift into my ears.

"I'm so sorry Bella. For everything. You deserve better than me..." he whispered softly.

I froze at his words. Edward had not realized I was waking up yet. That was odd. Usually his uncanny senses could pinpoint exactly what was going on with my body. He was so attuned to my pulse and breathing, even the tiniest change, and he would begin monitoring me closely. He loved to watch me sleep, and then wake. He thought it was fascinating the way I woke up. I figured it must be pretty boring, but Edward obviously didn't think so. I risked a peek through one eyelid.

Edward's eyes were far away. He looked at me without seeing. Unfocused now, the once brilliant gold was now a pale yellow. His face was pained as he spoke. His voice was in agony.

"It would have been better for you if I'd never returned..." he said slowly, his voice breaking.

My eyes shot open immediately. "Edward Cullen!" I said as I shot straight up. "Don't you dare say that!" I hissed - my voice laced with anger.

Edward blinked, surprised at my unforeseen outburst. He just now realized I had heard him. He didn't say anything immediately. He looked at me once more, with the haunted eyes.

"Not saying it doesn't mean it isn't still true..." he reasoned simply.

"It not being true...is what makes it not true!" I responded stubbornly. I was getting mad now.

Edward shook his head. He didn't agree obviously. "No Bella. You don't understand how close..." he began.

"No Edward! You don't understand! Understand what? How close I came to dying?" I spat at him. He winced as I said it. He didn't reply. He nodded that I was correct though.

"Now _that_ is something I do understand, as a matter of fact." I said crossing my arms. Edward eyed me questioningly.

"Edward..." I said, my voice softening. "I came close to dying the first time you left me." My voice was trembling now. "Once was enough. I cannot live without you." I finished, my voice barely a whisper. Edward's eyes seem to crack. They seemed to shatter before my eyes as his inner agony nearly overwhelmed him now. Edward was always so determined to protect me from anything, even himself if need be. He reasoned he could let me go, if it was the best for me. He wouldn't be happy, but he would know I was safe. It hadn't worked so well the first time, and if he was thinking the same thing now, I had to let him know how wrong he would be. It would hurt him, but I couldn't keep silent anymore. I'd held it in for too long. I had to make Edward know in certain terms what was at stake if he left me. I looked down at my hands, as I spoke. I couldn't look into his eyes now. It would be too hard.

"Edward, if you leave me again...it will kill me." I finished. I turned my eyes to his then, my gaze hard. I was playing for keeps now, literally and figuratively.

A shiver went through Edward's body at my words. His eyes opened wide. He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came. He was utterly speechless. I could tell from his face however, that he understood exactly what I was saying. If vampires could cry, I'm sure tears would be falling down Edward's perfectly smooth cheeks.

"Edward...do you love me?" I asked him, as I reached for his hand. His gaze followed my movement, and he watched me take his hand in mine. His gaze locked on our hands, and then returned to my face. Edward tried to speak, but he was still overcome with emotion at his realization of what my earlier words meant. He nodded yes.

I smiled at him now. My arms wrapped around his smooth neck, and I kissed him softly. "Good. Then we can...we _will_ get through this. Or didn't you know that true love conquers all?" I whispered as my kisses found Edwards smooth lips.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was in my pyjamas now in my room. I'd gotten home before Charlie, and put on my best "I was so sick, but now am feeling a little bit better" face. He fell for it. I hated lying to my dad, but when your boyfriend is a vampire, and your best friend is a werewolf, well...sometimes the truth just can't be told. I'd been dealing with the supernatural ever since I arrived in Forks, it seemed. The lies were getting easier. I didn't like it, but what Charlie didn't know wouldn't hurt him. I glanced at the clock now. It was 9 pm. I'd just arrived in my room, after telling my dad I was still feeling tired, and needed to rest up for school. Edward would be here soon. Then it would be time to talk. I frowned a bit. I'd rather spend the night in Edwards arms, and feel his soft kisses on my lips and...breasts. At the last part, my face blushed scarlet.

I felt the cool breeze on the back of my neck now. I knew Edward was in my room – the cool breeze the only betrayal to his stealthy entrance. I turned and smiled at him. He smiled and then came to me. He kissed me softly, and I returned him kiss for kiss. This lasted a few minutes, and I felt Edward pull away. I pouted. Talk time already?

He lay on my bed, and patted the blanket next to him. I didn't need anymore instruction. I instantly obeyed, and lay beside him, my arm over his chest, as I cuddled into his hard chest.

"Time to talk?" I whispered.

"Yes..." and I could feel his slight movement as he nodded his head.

"Okay." I replied. I didn't know if Edward wanted to start, or if he wanted me to begin. I looked up into his eyes. He smiled at me. He didn't know where to begin either, I realized. I decided to bail him out.

"So...the other night..." I began. My pulse seemed to skyrocket and my cheeks were red now, as I remembered I was completely naked, and pleasuring myself as Edward had watched. Oh God...I couldn't look into his eyes now. I was utterly embarassed. I should have let Edward begin, I realized too late.

"Yes...the other night..." he said seriously. Okay good...Edward was taking over.

"Bella...I'm so sorry. I should...I mean...I shouldn't, but.... You shouldn't..." he stammered. Wow. Edward was definitely out of his element now. When Edward stuttered or stammered, which was hardly ever...it just seemed to punctuate just how awkward the situation was. He was usually so sure and confident. I guess decades of being right, and being perfect at almost anything does that to you, I thought wryly.

"I just mean. Well...you...umm." Okay, now Edward was getting flustered. It was difficult to watch. I loved him more than anything, and seeing him so insecure, and so vulnerable saddened me. He continued awkwardly...determined to finish his thought. "You shouldn't have to resort to using that..._thing_... I mean...it should be me...to..." he trailed off at last.

"It's okay Edward. I mean, that was my first time using it..." I managed to say without missing a beat. My cheeks did deepen more though, as I spoke. Oh God...how much longer could this conversation go on? We'd only just begun, and it was so awkward already.

Edward was looking at the ceiling now. "I heard you Bella. You said you wished it was me..." he spoke softly.

My heart sped up. Edward had been there for a lot longer than just the ending, I realized. Oh my...he'd seen it all? My breathing came fast now. He'd seen everything? Heard everything? This was not happening. This was not happening, I repeated again.

Edward looked at me now. I felt his cool fingers on my forehead, and my breathing slowed automatically. "I really am sorry Bella. I tried not to look. I knew it was wrong. But I couldn't look away." Edward balled his fist. He was angry at himself for his lack of discipline.

"Bella. It was so strong. I could smell your...excitement." he whispered. Okay, Edward was doing most of the talking now, but it definitely was not getting any easier for me. If there was another shade of red darker than scarlet...well it would be the colour of my cheeks now, I thought.

"It was one hundred times stronger than the scent of your blood. I'd never experienced anything like it..." he admitted. My eyes glanced at Edward's face. His eyes were far away now, remembering the scent of my excitement.

"When I watched you, smelled you...I wanted you. Bella, I've never wanted you more than I did the other night. I was so filled with desire for you." he spoke softly, with those smoky unfocused eyes.

His eyes changed now. Still unfocused, but sad again. "It awoke the hunger in me Bella. I'd controlled it for so long. But this...this was no match for my self control. I tried to fight it, I did." Edward's voice began to break at his confession. "It was consuming me. I knew I had to leave but I couldn't. I could see your neck. So soft, and pulsing with your thundering heartbeat. I was going to take you Bella... I'd already made up my mind. I'd battled the demon inside me, and had lost. It would have been over...except..." Edward trailed off.

My eyes were wide now. Edward had lost his battle? He was going to take me? But Edward was so strong! He'd never intentionally hurt me! I shuddered now, both at how much this admission was costing Edward, and at how close I had been to being Edward's undoing. Edward may be a vampire, but he was still a man after all, I reasoned. No one was perfect. Not even Edward. But if he'd lost, then why was I still alive? Why wasn't I on my way to being a vampire right now? I had to know.

"Except what?" I squeaked out, barely whispering.

Edward looked at me then. His face was so intense. I could see the love radiating from his eyes now. He smiled a sweet, but sad smile at me. He let out a slow breath.

"I was about to strike. One more second and it would have been over. But then I saw..." his voice broke. Edward could barely continue. He got up off the bed now. He looked out the window now, and then turned to look at me. His eyes squinted. His body trembled, and his forehead creased. Edward's lips were trembling now too. He closed his eyes, and opened them slowly.

Oh my God. Was Edward about to cry? Vampires couldn't cry. It was true they couldn't. But if Edward was human, he would be crying now. As it was, his human memories were mimicing the actions, even if no tears could flow. Edward was falling apart before my eyes.

"I saw you. In my mind..." he began. Edward's cheeks puffed out, as if he was struggling to keep the tidal wave of emotion in check. It was not working. Oh Edward...what have I done to you? I couldn't speak, and couldn't move.

"You were so beautiful Bella. You're always so beautiful. You beautiful chocolate eyes shone more brightly than a thousand suns. Your skin...so soft, and pale, the softest silk pales in comparison. Your lips...no other colour red could ever compare to it. Your face..." Edward said as he sank to his knees.

He looked up at me then, his face an emotional wreck. He put his hands over his face, as he shook his head. He could barely talk. His shoulders jerked uncontrollably. "You said you loved me." he finished, and then buried his face in his hands once again. The sounds he was making...I was stunned. If Edward had been able to cry, he would be sobbing uncontrollably now.

Edward's emotional control had reached it's limit now, I was sure of it. I moved to him, and put my arms around him. I brought his trembling body to mine, and stroked my fingers through his hair soothingly.

"Shhh....Edward.... It's okay. Everything's okay. I'm here Edward..." I whispered. He shuddered and trembled in my arms. I continued to calm Edward. I was worried now. I had never ever seen him like this. This was not the Edward I knew. This Edward seemed thoroughly broken by his revelations to me. I knew Edward had wanted to talk, but talk was one thing...this was breaking down. Edward's trembling body gradually calmed. He looked at me, as if he could see right through me.

"You saved me. When you said you loved me, it snapped me out of my haze. It gave me the second I needed to realize that I had to leave immediately." he finally finished, and let out a long breath. I couldn't speak now. I opened my mouth, but it wouldn't work.

"Edward, I'm sorry." I tried to say the words, but there was no volume. Edward read my lips. He shook his head slowly, as if telling me not to apologize for something that wasn't my fault.

Several minutes passed in silence between us. I held Edward, and he held me. Finally, Edward let out a shuddering breath. His confession seemed to unburden him a bit.

"So, you see now why I had to leave?" he asked.

"Yes..." was all I could reply with.

He got up, and sat on the bed. I joined him then, sitting beside him...with my hand in his. He looked at my small delicate fingers wrapped over his. He smiled slightly. I was relieved he was feeling better. I was feeling better too. I knew rationally, that I should be terrified now at how close Edward had been to losing control around me. But I wasn't. I couldn't shake the feeling that ultimately I was to blame, for pushing Edward farther than he had ever wanted to go in the first place. It was me that had brought Edward to this, I reasoned. I sighed.

"I'm sorry Edward. I shouldn't have pushed you farther than you wanted to go." I explained.

Edward shook his head. I thought he was going to tell me not to be sorry, but what he said next sent a thrill through my body.

"It's not your fault Bella. It is not unreasonable for you to expect certain _things _from your boyfriend." he explained. I cringed inwardly as he emphasized "things". He'd referred to the vibrator as a "thing" too. I blushed again at the thought that Edward had seen me masturbating. Would I ever stop blushing, I wondered. I couldn't think of anything to say in reply.

"Bella, I know you want a more physical relationship...." he trailed off. I could see his eyes focusing now. He was thinking.

"No Edward. It's too much for you. I'm happy the way things are..." I countered. I was feeling guilty still at the memory of the broken Edward of a few minutes before. What Edward said next surprised me completely.

"You may be happy with them, but I...am not." he whispered. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Bella...things are going to change between us." Edward continued. I narrowed my eyes at him now. Change for the better, or for worse, I wondered.

"I will endeavour to give you what you want - What you ultimately _need..._but it won't happen overnight. I need a bit of time to adjust..." he explained.

I wasn't sure exactly what Edward was saying. Edward smiled at my confusion. I felt his fingers trail across my cheek, and down my neck. I sighed at his touch. My body tensed as they wandered down my neck and over the cotton pyjamas I was wearing. As I felt his fingers play over the fabric covering my breasts, my eyes opened wide, and I forgot how to breathe. Edward laughed lightly.

"This..." he said, "does not test my control as much now as the first time, a few days ago It definitely does get easier..." he whispered, as his hand wandered lazily to my other breast. I was literally panting now. Edward looked into my eyes.

"How about we start with this, and move on to _other things_...later?" he said, his gaze drifting down to my thighs. I blushed again now, and felt a tingle through my whole body. Edward was willing to try to go further than kissing? Oh Edward...I love you so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

A thought ran through my head then. Hmm, it was worth a shot.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Yes love?" he replied.

"I was wondering. Remember when we first met how hard it was for you to be in control all the time because of the scent of my blood? Well it seems easy for you now. And the same with this..." I said...pointing to his hand still working over my breast lightly.

"Yes...?" he asked, not sure of my meaning.

"Well do you think...that...maybe the scent of...my...excitement...might get easier for your control too?" I asked in barely a whisper. I looked at the floor as I spoke.

Edward's eyes narrowed then. He cocked his head to the side. A smile appeared on his lips then. "It's definitely a possibility. But there is only one way to find out..." he finished as I felt his lips meet mine...

**A/N: Okay, so this is definitely the longest chapter I've written so far. Whoa. I'm generally pleased with how it turned out, and hope you are too. **

**Edward's breakdown was VERY difficult for me to write personally. Truth be told, I had tears in my eyes I described the image of Bella in his mind. It's a powerful idea for me – Edward's vision of Bella being an Angel. What didn't make the edit in the original flashback, was that when she said "I love you" she had sadness in her eyes, as well as understanding. She knew what he was going to do, but loved him, and would forgive him. **

**Not sure what's next. Hmmm. As some of you know, I don't plan anything before I write. LoL. I just sit down, and see where it takes me. So next chapter is a bit of a mystery now, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. ;)**


	18. Emmett's Advice

**Chapter 18: Emmett's Advice.**

**A/N: Sigh. Okay...this Chapter is another from Edward's POV. I don't know why I keep breaking my own rules. LoL My unspoken rule, is turning into a broken rule...**

I sat still on the couch. Emmett was grinning beside me. I was trying to block the mental images running through Emmett's mind, but it was not working. Images of Rosalie and Emmett in various contorted poses assaulted my mind.

"Emmett please!" I hissed under my breath.

"What?" he asked surprised. Then he remembered I could read minds, apparently. "Oh." he said, still grinning.

"Yeah. Oh." I said, as I shook my head.

"Sorry. Just you know...my mind wanders." he explained unnecessarily. Of all the people to say this to, I thought wryly. I would know more than anyone just exactly how random Emmett's thoughts were. His mind was constantly in motion...a blur of random images, but most of the time they did seem to revolve around his and Rosalie's love making sessions. I winced again as another image of Rosalie and Emmett thrashing around wildly on the bed invaded my mind.

"I'm aware." I replied tersely. If this kept up, I would have to leave.

"Sorry. He said again." although he didn't look apologetic.

"Emmett. Can you please stop thinking of Rosalie's body for one whole minute?" I challenged him.

Emmett smirked. "Who should I think about?" he countered.

"I don't care." I replied blandly. I was anxious for the mental barrage of Rosalie's bedroom prowess to stop.

"No problem." Emmett said, with a hint of a laugh.

What happened next, was unexpected. Bella appeared in my mind. She looked so soft, and so sweet. Her stretch cotton top hugged her upper body tightly. I could make out the faint outline of her bra underneath the soft fabric. Her soft silky hair framed her pale features, and accented her face wonderfully. Her delectable scent exuded from every pore on her body. Her lips, were so soft and warm. They invited mine to taste them. Her beautiful brown eyes shone fiercely. Bella was beyond beautiful. The image in my mind smiled at me, and then she spoke.

"Fuck me Edward..." she whispered, her voice sultry with her desire.

"Emmett!" I roared, and launched myself at him. My hands wrapped around his body, and we rolled around on the floor. Within seconds, Emmett was pinned, with his arm behind his back. I was furious now.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop..." Emmett winced. I got off him, and began to storm out of the room. My vision was clouded now with rage.

"Edward...wait..." Emmett pleaded. He did sound apologetic now. I turned to face him, anger still lingering on my face. Emmett held up his hands innocently. My anger began to subside. I waited for him to finish. "Can I ask you something?" he added seriously. I got worried right away. When Emmett sounded serious, bad ideas were sure to follow. I had to hear him out though...

"Alright. What do you want to know?" I prodded.

"The other night. How bad was it?" he asked cautiously. There was no trace of amusement, or antagonism on his face. I tensed immediately at his question. I let out a shallow breath before I replied.

"Bad." I admitted grudgingly.

"Wanna talk about it?" he offered.

I immediately rejected the idea in my mind. But, in truth, I did want to talk about it. I'd talked about it with Bella, but she was human. She could listen, and understand as best she could, but to really know how it was, would take another vampire. I didn't say anything for a while. Emmett broke the silence.

"It's okay man. You don't have to" he added unnecessarily. I knew I didn't have to talk about it, if I didn't want to. But the question now was, _did_ I want to talk about it? And if so, with _Emmett_?

I looked at him now. He was trying to help. He was my brother after all. Who else could I turn to if not my family, I wondered. Bella had Alice to talk about the difficulties surrounding a human and vampire romance. That much was obvious now. I had no doubt now what that shopping trip the other day entailed, and why Alice was blocking me most of the time now. I sighed.

Emmett was absently watching television now. I guess he figured no reply was coming, so occupied his time watching the unfolding baseball game.

"Bella...was not expecting me so soon..." I began. Emmett's head whipped around lightning fast as he heard my words. He was indeed surprised I did decide to take him up on his offer. His eyes studied my face intently as I spoke. I tried to keep my expression emotionless.

"She was very...aroused..." I trailed off.

"Whoa. No way! Jackpot...!" he said with a grin.

"Emmett..." I trailed off, my eyes blazing fiercely at the grin on his face now. It was bad enough I had to confide in Emmett, but if he was going to make jokes at mine and Bella's expense, especially considering the severity of the consequences that could have happened that night, then I'd have to turn to someone more understanding. Emmett took the hint, and became serious once more. I couldn't blame Emmett really though. It was who he was. Asking Emmett to not be who he was, was no different than asking me not to love Bella, or worry about protecting her from every possible harm.

"Sorry..." he apologized.

"So what was it like?" he asked.

My hard eyes met his inquisitive ones, looking for any trace of humour. I found none. But still, I wasn't going to describe every detail of Bella's masturbation session for his amusement.

"Emmett...I'm not going to tell you all the details..." I remarked annoyed. Emmett shook his head.

"No, no. I mean...her scent. I know how much her blood calls out to you Edward. So how did you deal with smelling...you know...everything...together..." he finished, choosing his words carefully. I guess he didn't want to anger me by using a crude comparison.

"It overpowered me almost immediately. Her scent...her excitement...it's more potent than her blood Emmett. A hundred times stronger..." I finished. Emmett let out a low whistle now. He knew what it was like to try to resist La Tua Contante, a singer – or more accurately someone whose blood sings for you to drink it. He'd only met two singers in his lifetime. I knew the score of that game already. Emmett 2, Singers 0. He'd been unable to resist the call of their blood for little more than minutes before giving into the hunger...

"So how did you do it?" he asked impressed, and clamped his hand down on my shoulder.

"I don't know. It was too close. I almost killed her..." I whispered. "In an instant of sanity right before I struck, I realized what was happening, and got away from her." I finished. I shuddered at the thought of what would have happened had the vision not interrupted my frenzied thoughts that night.

Emmett didn't say anything right away. He was contemplating something. I braced myself for whatever idea he was mulling over in his head, to appear.

"So that's it then? It's too dangerous, so you'll never be able to be intimate with her?" he asked. To my surprise, Emmett seemed sad at the thought.

"I'm not sure. We are trying..." I offered lamely.

"But her scent...it's too strong..." He said knowingly.

"Bella and I...we talked about it. She thinks maybe I might become more used to her arousal, and gradual doses may help my control. Like her blood. It still sings to me, but I barely notice it now. It's like Carlisle, and how he can work in a hospital. With enough time, and practice, anything is possible I guess..."

"So how are you going to do it? I mean what if it becomes too strong for you during one of your practice sessions?" Emmett asked. He sure was inquisitive today. I didn't answer right away. I didn't have an answer right away. I hadn't considered that far ahead. I was merely trying to keep my composure now as I worked with Bella's delectable upper body.

"Oh. Alice. She could keep an eye..." Emmett said, realization dawning on his face. I glared at him now.

"Oh come on Edward. You've seen everyone's mind in this house. What's the big deal if Alice sees you and Bella...you know...practicing?" he added, and used his fingers to make the "quote, unquote" sign as he said practicing. In truth I didn't really care. There were no secrets in this house...not with my mind reading, Alice's visions of the future, and Jaspers ability to read emotions. But Bella, she did not deserve to have an audience. I shook my head.

Emmett walked around the room deep in thought now. You know, Emmett was my brother, and he really did mean well. But somehow, I longed for the joking Emmett now. Serious, thoughtful Emmett was a lot more worrisome to me. I wondered what scheme he was hatching now. I grimaced as I seemingly dismissed his ability to help. He _was_ trying, I had to give him that.

"Hmmm...that might work!" he exclaimed triumphantly. He seemed pleased with himself. Uh oh...here it comes, I thought glumly. What crackpot idea was he going to suggest? I eyed him curiously as his smile widened.

"Panty raid!" he said matter-of-factly.

I blinked, dumbfounded. I tried to put the two words together in any context, to puzzle out his meaning. Emmett could see my ignorance immediately.

"Poor Edward. So innocent in the ways of the world..." he said teasingly. My blood began to boil now. He sensed my mood shift, and held up his hands innocently once more.

"The gesture only works if you are indeed innocent, Emmett!" I scowled.

"Okay, okay. Just hear me out." he began.

I shook my head annoyed. "Okay. What are you talking about?" I asked quickly. This was a mistake, I admitted to myself. I should have seen Carlisle, or Jasper.

"Okay...so you break into Bella's room..." he began. I stopped him immediately.

"Why would I have to break in? She is my girlfriend. I'm there every day..." I said.

"Okay. Whatever. You don't break in..." he said rolling his eyes. "So anyways...after she gets all you know...excited..." I let out an annoyed breath as Emmett overemphasized "excited". Emmett seemed not to notice or care about my minor interruption, and continued.

"Ya...so just go into where she keeps her dirty laundry, and you know...take a pair!" he said folding his arms, almost defying me to find fault with what to his mind was impeccable logic.

To Emmett's annoyance, I burst out laughing at the sheer lunacy of the idea. I couldn't control myself now. Emmett frowned now.

"What?" he asked angrily. "It's a good idea...." he added indignantly, which only made my laughter more exuberant.

"What's the point?" I asked him incredulously.

"So you can smell her, and taste her without putting her in danger..." he answered exasperated, holding out his hands as if the answer was so obvious all along.

My body froze then. Every muscle in my body seemed to stop as I heard Emmett's words. My eyes opened wide. If my heart could beat, it would have been racing. Taste Bella? I shivered at the mental image in my mind now. Bella's beautiful body laying before me, her soft luscious legs spread wide for me. Her juices flowed freely as she whispered for me to drink from between her legs. She yearned for my tongue on her now. I was between her legs, inhaling deeply. Her scent called to me, but I was in control. I lost myself in that sweet musky aroma. Her excitement seemed to beg for me to taste. My tongue snaked out, and edged deeper to Bella's most intimate place. As soon as my tongue touched her desire...the image exploded into a brilliant white flash of pleasure as my tongue touched the tiniest drop of Bella's wetness. Pure ambrosia! That tiniest taste of Bella's essence ran through my body, piercing every molecule now...causing wave after wave ecstacy to flood my entire being. With Bella on my tongue, I felt complete.

My eyes focused now, as the vision in my mind faded. My hands were balled into fists. I shuddered at the intensity of the vision. It seemed so real. Emmett stood before me waving his hands over my eyes.

"Edward? You okay man?" he asked.

I shook my head to clear it. "Yes. Why do you ask?" I countered with a question of my own.

"I dunno. You kinda zoned out there for a bit...." he explained.

"Oh." I replied.

"So what do you think? You gonna try it?" he asked me seriously.

"I don't think so Emmett..." I said defeated. I hated to shoot down his idea. He had obviously seemed to put a lot of thought towards it, I noted somewhat amused. Poor Emmett. But I did love him for trying.

Something still tugged at the corners of my brain though. "Emmett?" I asked.

"Yeah?" he responded.

"What was I supposed to do with the underwear once I got it?" I asked him, fighting to keep from laughing.

"Didn't you ever see that Karate Kid movie? Wack on...WACK OFF" he said with a grin.

"I think you mean "wax off"..." I chided him.

"No..._you _only think I meant wax off" he added shaking his head...

My brain pieced together Emmett's meaning then. I stiffened immediately, and my eyes widened once more. I arched my eyebrow at him. Emmett read the change in my expression, and knew I grasped what he meant. A grin spread across his face.

"Come on Edward...you may be the world's oldest virgin...but don't tell me you've never had an orgasm!" he laughed.

I couldn't speak. Oh God. Now I _really_ knew the implications of Emmett's "advice". Emmett wanted me to pleasure myself using Bella's underwear, and her scent as masturbatory aids? I had no response to that. None. I couldn't speak. The idea was ridiculous. I couldn't do that. Not to Bella. Finally I could speak again.

"Thanks for your help Emmett...but I think I'll work this one out on my own..." I said lamely, shaking my head in frustration.

I could still hear Emmett laughing in the background as I left the room. I was annoyed now. I'd exposed myself, looking for help, and _this_..._this_ is what I get for advice? As I walked into the woods, and away from the house, a nagging thought tugged on my mind. Taste Bella? Without her being in danger? The idea of working up a tolerance to her scent was a good one. And not putting her in danger at all seemed even better. But still, it was wrong. I shouldn't even consider it. But I had agreed to at least try. I'd promised Bella I would try. I'd do anything to make Bella happy. But this? I wasn't so sure. I sighed again, more confused now than ever. Bella, I just want to give you what you want. In that instant I decided. I resigned myself now. I had promised to try after all...

My cell phone rang. I answered it on the first ring.

"Alice?" I asked as I saw the name on the call display.

"Emmett's idea is going to work. Have fun...!" she said in rapid succession. She was still laughing as I heard the line go dead...

**A/N2 : Okay, I started writing this just for fun. I was just writing it as an exercise to loosen up my creative juices. I hadn't ever really planned to have it officially be in the story, but after it was done, I thought it was too funny not to include. It's a bit different, I'll give you that, lol, but it will provide me a decent excuse to write a scene about Edward's private fantasies involving Bella. So looks like eventually there is another Edward POV chapter. **

**Also, I know this idea is probably a bit(lot) OOC for Edward. But it might not be. I try to be faithful to S Meyer's personalities, but sometimes there is too many unknowns. So I may have took a bit too much liberty with Edward's personality, but I didn't have a reference to go by.**


	19. Invasion of the Panty Snatchers

**A/N: For all those who subscribe and may get an edit alert, I only changed the title. I thought this was more fitting. ;)**

**Chapter 19: Invasion of the Panty Snatchers**

It had been a week since Bella and I had begun to increase our physical relationship. Our routine was pretty standard now. I'd come to her room at night as always, and we would talk. That would eventually lead to kissing, and then eventually Bella's top and bra would come off. I'd practice my self control with her then - on her tantalizing breasts. We were in the middle of practicing now.

My tongue ran lazily between Bella's breasts. Her breath was heavy, and her chest was heaving. I searched out her hard nipple, and my tongue trailed circles around it. Bella shivered as my cool tongue traced it's way over her nipple now and smooth skin. Her eyes blinked open and closed with each flick of my tongue on her soft flesh. "Oh Edward...." she cooed, losing herself under my loving licks. It was so much easier now, I realized. It might be easier, but it still sent a thrill through my body each time Bella exposed her breasts to me. They were so perfect. Everything about her was exquisite. Two perfectly round orbs, begging for my touch and tongue. I loved how she reacted to even my lightest touch. I took her other nipple in my mouth now...sucking on it gently. My tongue danced across the smooth skin then, and returned to lightly whip across the nipple once more. Bella moaned softly. Her eyes were closed now, and her head was lolled to the side as I lovingly touched her. I decided to tease her now. I opened my mouth, and softly blew my ice cold breath across the moist trails I'd left across them. The act had it's intended effect. Bella's body writhed, and she shivered lightly under my playful assault to her peaks.

I moved up to her face now, hovering over her. She looked at me sweetly. "I love you Bella." I whispered, as I placed my lips on hers. I felt her hands wrap around my neck, and she kissed me back feverishly. She broke the kiss only long enough to reply.

"I love you too Edward. I'll always love you..." she whispered, and her mouth found mine again. I sighed as I felt those soft delicate hands running through my hair. I pulled away slightly, and moved down her neck. My tongue danced across her smooth neck. I was aware of the scent of strawberries now, as her hair lay across her shoulder. I breathed even deeper now.

"Oh Bella...everything about you drives me wild..." I admitted. I felt her heart rate increase as I spoke. She loved when I told her that I found her body wondrously exciting. I wasn't lying. Every word was the truth.

"Bella..." I whispered, my lips finding her neck. I sucked on the smooth skin there playfully. She gasped lightly before answering.

"Yes....Edward...? she said between gasps.

"You are so sexy to me..." I whispered sincerely into her ear. I kissed her earlobe after I spoke.

"Oh Edward..." she sighed

I ran my mouth down her stomach now. Bella's soft skin seemed to stretch endlessly before me. I wanted to experience it all, and explore every square millimeter of it. I planted soft kisses over her stomach, gliding ever closer to her waist. Bella's sighs and noises were increasing in frequency and volume now. I looked up at her with concern on my face, and she immediately understood. She put her hand over her mouth, muting her excited whimpers, however minutely. It would be enough to keep Charlie from hearing.

I worked my way around her belly button, and towards her pyjama bottoms. I trailed kisses along the bottoms, and then turned away. So far, that was the border line. I'd never strayed further than Bella's waist – unsure of my self control. I could tell she was excited, however. My acute vampire senses were even now analyzing Bella's body closely. But the scent tonight was not as powerful as the other night. Bella was aroused now, but not like that night. _That_ night, she'd been actively masturbating using a sex toy, and her juices were literally flowing out of her. Tonight, the scent was tolerable. The concentration was much less, and the layers of fabric masking the scent did help as well. And now, I was at least prepared. Since I was expecting it, I could steel my resolve before I experienced it. Still, having said all that, it was hard to resist. I had to constantly remind myself not to be drawn between Bella's legs. It was an effort to make myself obey.

Several more minutes passed, as my tongue worked over Bella's body. She was panting under my attention, as she struggled to breathe. It wouldn't be long now, I thought, disappointed. We would have to stop. Sure enough, two minutes later, I pulled away from her. It was becoming difficult for me now. Bella looked up at me as I pulled away from her, and nodded.

I went to the window, and opened it lightly as Bella covered herself. I inhaled the fresh air deeply. I placed my hands on the window sill, as the clean air purified my senses from Bella's exquisite scent.

"So...how was it?" I asked her playfully.

"Oh Edward...it was heavenly..." she said, moving to me and placing her hand in mine.

"It wasn't so bad for me either..." I teased playfully. She laughed lightly, and got on her tiptoes and placed a kiss on my forehead.

"Thank you Edward" she said fervently.

"For what?" I asked confused.

"For _trying..." _she explained. I nodded, understanding.

The rest of the night passed much the same as most of the others. Bella and I talked, and gradually she grew tired. She fell asleep in my arms, and I watched her intently the whole night. I could look at her for hours, and never grow accustomed to her beauty. She was a work of art, a priceless treasure, and she was mine. I smiled at that.

* * *

The next morning I was aware that Bella would soon wake. I could hear her heartbeat change, and her breathing increased minutely. She shifted slightly, and I could feel her arm over my chest squeeze me just a little tighter. A contented sigh escaped her lips. I smiled. I watched her face as she woke up. Her eyelids lightly fluttered open, and she blinked. Her gaze turned to mine, and she smiled. I smiled back at her.

"Morning..." she said with a yawn.

"Good morning love..." I replied, running my fingers across her pale cheek. She sighed again under my touch, and closed her eyes. Several minutes passed, and Bella realized she had to begin getting ready for school. She unwillingly left my arms, and grabbed her bag of toiletries.

"Human moment" she said unnecessarily. I smiled at that. I knew exactly where she was going. Bella's morning routine seldom changed.

"Of course..." I replied, as she darted to the bathroom. I heard the sink running and knew she would be brushing her teeth. Then I heard the shower turn on. I knew now that Bella would be occupied for the next 20 minutes or so.

My thoughts ran back to the conversation I'd had with Emmett. I had yet to act on that idea, although I had admittedly decided to do so that day. It was a matter of how, and when I suppose. I was still somewhat morally opposed to the idea, and I stiffened at the thought whenever it entered my mind. But my concerns were secondary. Bella wanted more. I would try to give her more. That was the only reason I entertained the idea in the first place. I could do it, for Bella. I shook my head lightly now. I was lying, and I knew it. There was another reason. I couldn't admit it out loud. I couldn't tell anyone this. Secretly, the thought of tasting Bella, no matter which way, was driving me wild with desire. I tried to push it back to the fringes of my mind, but it was always there. I could never be rid of it completely. I hung my head. I was so weak! Bella deserves so much more than what I can offer her.

Today was the day I was going to try. It would be sunny this afternoon at school, so of course none of my family would be at school. We would be "hiking" and Carlisle would be calling the school shortly to explain that his children would be absent today.

I left the bed now, and following Emmett's "advice" made my way to Bella's clothes hamper. I grimaced now. Emmett's advice! I was listening to Emmett!? Had the world gone crazy, or was it just me? My hand trembled as I opened the lid, and gazed inside. I could see the top she had wore yesterday, and a pair of jeans as well. A flash of light green caught my gaze. I shivered. If my heart could still beat, it would be thundering now. I hesitated. I closed my eyes, pleading with myself not to continue. My mind was listening, but my body was not. I reached inside hesitantly. I felt the silky smoothness of the fabric. My breath caught in my throat now as I felt the soft satin under my fingers. This was the pair of light green bikini panties Bella had picked up last week with Alice. My whole body shivered with excitement now as my cool fingers ran along the material. I removed them from the hamper, and held them in my hand. I studied the delicate garment in my hand, scrutinizing it. Was this really all that was between Bella and me?

My mind wandered now. I was imagining this delicate garment hugging Bella's body. I could almost see the material stretched across her waist, and between her thighs. My eyes were wide now with the image. I held them up now letting the light shine across them – I gazed at them inquisitively. I held them out, stretching the waist band slightly. The fact that this garment had been worn by Bella two days ago sent a thrill through me. Oh God. This has been between Bella's legs, I realized. My breathing shuddered then. I turned the garment inside out, and my jaw clenched. Now was the time to turn back, if ever there was, I reminded myself. I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't help it. My gaze drifted to the small piece of cotton between the legs of the bikini. I let out a slow breath as I stared at the stained fabric. My mind struggled with the fact that it was Bella's dried juices that were on the soft cloth. I looked away now, utterly embarassed at myself, and my lack of discipline.

My chest began to heave with excitement. My eyes were closed, and my forehead creased with indecision. Would I be able to forgive myself if I did this, I wondered? Would Bella, if she ever found out? I didn't know the answer to either. I tried to walk away then, but my muscles refused to obey.

I would not do this. _Could not_, I corrected myself. But I knew I was wrong even as I made the assertion. One thing preoccupied me almost completely now. It was still the same as the other day when I'd spoken to Emmett. Taste Bella? Taste Bella! What vampire, indeed - what man could ever resist?

I knew now, I had to. One taste. Let me taste your love Bella. Let me do this, so I can do it correctly later. I need to accustom myself to your scent, and your taste. It's too risky otherwise, I reasoned. I shook my head. That was not the reason. I was weak. I was filled with desire. Above all, no matter what I could come up with in my head, I alone knew the real reason I would do what I said I could now. I was selfish. I would taste Bella because that was what I was aching to do now. Not for her, not to give her what she wanted – this...this was about me now. Bella, I do not deserve you. I knew I was right, even though she would never agree. I hate myself.

With a slow and deliberate motion, I moved the panties to within inches of my face. My eyes were closed now, but even the day old scent of her caused my eyes to immediately flare open, and radiate with lust. Oh my God. Her scent, her desire, it was so powerful. Calling out to me now, it was much the same as the other day – although I was more prepared to resist it. My body tensed as I felt the demon inside me grow steadily in power and force. I shuddered now, my whole body shaking trying to resist the smell of Bella. I tossed the panties in the hamper, and went to the window to breathe some fresh air. I took several breaths. I was amazed. Her scent was so powerful. Within seconds, I felt my control begin to wane. I hadn't even really smelled her, much less tasted her. Just the proximity to her delectable scent had been enough to awaken my inner demon. No, I could not do this here. Not with Bella so deliciously close to me. Only a thin wall of plaster separated her from her sick monstrous boyfriend now. I sighed. I was a monster, truly I was.

I returned to her bed now, as I heard the water shut off. She would be back momentarily. If I could blush, I would be red now. Would she have known I had been ruffling through her dirty laundry? Of course not, I reasoned. But I was feeling very guilty still about the invasion to Bella's privacy, in any event. I tried not to think about it anymore, and waited for her to return to her room. Within moments, her loving smile greeted me. I smiled back warmly.

She was holding her pyjamas, making her way to the clothes hamper I had invaded only minuted before. I held my breath as she opened it, and tossed her discarded items of clothing in without a second glance. My eyes opened wide then. I watched with my keen senses as a scarlet red piece of silk and lace fell in with the other items. Oh God...the panties Bella had wore just moments ago, I realized. Oh God...to taste her, I shivered involuntarily. She turned to me then. I was aware of her voice, but I could not answer.

"Edward? Are you okay?" she asked me again.

"What? Oh. Yes I am fine..." I snapped out of my daze. A new plan emerged. I would try again at home, but not with the green pair from days ago. My thoughts were focused on the skimpy red pair I'd seen just seconds ago. I hated myself now. I knew now that I would give in to my base desires, but what I hated even more, was that I knew I would be enjoying every minute of it. My eyes became slightly less golden at the thought. Tonight, I would taste Bella...

**A/N: Next Chapter: Edward's Release! ;) haha. **


	20. Edward's Release

**Chapter 20: Edward's Release**

Bella was at school now. I'd kissed her goodbye as she got into her dilapitated truck, and headed off to school. She was oblivious to my scheming. Once she was safely out of view, I had made my way back to her room, and had pilfered her intimate apparel. I was on my way home now, the light scarlet panties seemed to weigh 50 pounds in my pocket. I was feeling so guilty for what I was about to do, but something else. There was an edge of desire running through me now anticipating what was to come. I sighed again, despising my weakness.

When I arrived home, I found the house noticeably empty. I couldn't read any minds in the immediate vicinity. I became a bit worried. As I searched the house, I saw a heavy paper card on my bedroom door. I recognized the elegant script immediately as my gaze scanned the card.

_Edward, _

_We'll be gone for the next three hours. The house is all yours. No one suspects a thing. Have fun!_

_Alice_

_P.S. Bella will thank you_

I stared at the note, shaking my head. I could just imagine Alice jumping up and down in excitement now. She was always the most supportive of mine and Bella's relationship from the beginning. I knew that anything we did that increased our physical relationship brought a smile to Alice's face. She wanted nothing more than for Bella and I to be together. I loved Alice. She could be over enthusiastic at times, excitable, and downright stubborn. But she was my sister, and I loved her. And she was also there for Bella too, I noted. Alice was one of a kind.

I put the card in my pocket, and entered my room. I removed my shirt, and tossed it lightly on the couch. My hand reached into my pocket and pulled out the satiny red panties. I tossed them on the bed now. I undid my belt, and kicked my pants off. My boxers and socks soon followed. I was naked now. I sighed. No time like the present, I thought to myself and made my way to the bed. I lay on the soft covers and took the panties in my hand. A shiver ran through my body as I held them. I looked down my chest to my flaccid cock. Okay, now what?

I shook my head. I was such an idiot. I have absolutely no idea what I am doing! I'd been raised in the early 1900s, a very repressed time. I'd never been with a woman in my human life, and only recently had found a companion in Bella. I was completely a virgin in every sense of the word. How was this supposed to work, I wondered. I was annoyed with myself. I'd existed for 108 years, and held two medical degrees, and was completely oblivious about pleasuring myself. Oh sure, I knew all the theory. I knew each of the parts involved, and their function...but that wasn't helping me now. I was frustrated beyond words. Maybe nothing was happening down below because Bella was not here? I'd have to use my imagination now.

I began to let my mind wander as it did the other night. A vision of Bella entered my mind. She was so breathtakingly beautiful. Her eyes were so bright, and full of love. Her skin was so pale and perfect. Her hair smelled of strawberries, and each strand of that chestnut hair was like pure silk. Her lips were like candy to me. I could never get enough of their delectable taste. Oh Bella, I love you. I want you. I need you. The things you make me feel... I wasn't complete without her. I couldn't imagine living for one second if she did not exist. Like the sky and stars – we needed each other. Without the dark, we'd never be able to see the light.

I thought of our practice session last night. Bella's excited moans and whimpers. I loved all the sounds she made when she became aroused. Mmmm. Bella aroused. I had to admit, it made me want her even more. I loved exciting her. It sent a thrill through me to know my attention to her body excited her. The thought that it was me making her juices flow sent a tingle through my being. This was working. I could feel my cock stir between my legs. I took a deep intake of breath. I let it out slowly.

I thought about Bella that night I'd seen her using the vibrator. My cock sprang to attention now. That was fast, I noted amused. Oh God...the vision of my dear, sweet, wonderful Bella with her legs spread and penetrating herself caused my eyes to open wide. My cock was throbbing now. I was definitely on the right track. I remembered the scent of Bella that night. The entire room – she'd filled it with the scent of her sex. Oh God...it was the sweetest scent I'd ever experienced. I shuddered. I reached over, and grabbed the soft red panties.

As I ran my fingers over them, my body trembled slightly. I reached down, and my fingers found my hard member, and I wrapped my fingers around it. I immediately wished it was Bella's soft delicate fingers around me now. The thought made me gasp. Yes...to feel Bella's hands on my shaft. I wanted her to make me hard. I imagined looking deep into those chocolate eyes, and seeing a smile spread on her lips as she touched and stroke my twitching cock. Oh...! I knew already it was what she wanted. My sweet darling Angel longed for me. Bella...I want you too. Oh God, I wanted her so badly now. I loved that Bella could be so sweet and sexy to me at the same time.

My fingers began to move up my shaft now, gripping it tightly. My eyes opened wide as I experienced the pleasure for the first time. One tightly wrapped upward movement, and my body seemed to be on fire now. My desire was increasing. I lowered my hand, and then raised it. Each movement brought another thrill of pleasure and excitement to my body. If I actually had to breathe, I would be finding it difficult to do so. I began a steady up and down movement with my hand now. I gave a voice to my intimate thoughts now.

"Bella...I want...your hands on me. Oh God Bella. Touch me. Pleasure me. Let me feel your hands on me now. I wish this was your hand, and not my own..." I began. "Look into my eyes Bella. Tell me how much you love me. Tell me how much you want me. Let me know you want me as much as I want you..." I continued in a whisper.

I was excited beyond all expectations now. I increased the tempo of my up and down movement. I let my mind wander some more. My baser desires were coming to the forefront now. No longer the soft gentle fantasies in my mind, these were decidely more gratification based. "Bella...I want...to be in your mouth." I said in a low growl. I was losing some of my control, I noted. It was alright. Nothing to worry about..._yet_. I bared my teeth now at the thought of Bella's mouth. Those wonderful red lips...I wanted them...sucking...me. My head twitched to the side as the image entered my mind.

I could see Bella's hand on my cock. She was pumping the shaft up and down, as I was doing to myself now. I pretended the amazing feelings centered on my cock were from Bella's hands. I watched in my mind as Bella's sweet smile took a mischevious edge. "Edward..." she said – her voice full of lust. "I want..." she began, and moved from my cock and up my body. I felt her warm body pressed against me as her mouth hovered at my ear. "I want...to suck...your cock..." she whispered breathlessly.

My eyes darkened at the thought. I was growling steadily now. I wanted it. I wanted her. I wanted to feel my rock hard cock in Bella's warm moist mouth. I wanted her tongue on me. I wanted her hands on me. I wanted her lips on me. Oh God...my eyes glazed over slightly.

I couldn't take much more, I was sure of it. The images dancing in my head now, were pushing me to the edge. My hand seemed a blur now, pumping my shaft again and again. I slowed my movement considerably. It was working. The rapid buildup I'd become aware of was subsiding now.

I grabbed Bella's panties now. I wrapped my fingers around them, and moved to my cock. I felt the satiny material against my hardness, and my back arched slightly. My eyes were wide open, as I ran the soft material against myself. So soft, so silky. My mind was working feverishly again.

"Bella...I want to be between your legs." My head lolled to the side as I felt another wave of excitement pass through me. I wrapped the soft material around my girth, and began pumping my cock now. The satiny embrace felt so....unreal against my quivering hardness. I could see now why Bella always seemed to struggle to breathe as I touched her. I was literally gasping now – the fact I had no need to breathe at all was seemingly irrelevant.

I imagined myself between Bella's legs now. I was licking and kissing my way up her silky smooth legs, hovering over her thighs. Every inch of her skin seemed to call for me to lick and kiss, and caress. I obeyed dutifully. My fingers, lips, and tongue explored every inch of Bella's legs and thighs.

"I want to taste you Bella..." I whispered. "I want to lick you..." I continued.

I put Bella's panties over my face now. The smell – so fresh, so strong. It was overcoming me. The sweet scent of her called to me now. I was having trouble resisting. I didn't care. My hands were pumping my cock relentlessly now. I couldn't stop. The pleasure build up was approaching overload.

I inhaled deeply, Bella's arousal seemed to permeate every inch of my being. I continued taking deep breaths, loving her scent. Oh God Bella, you had been so wet. She'd been so excited – for me. The thought was driving my lustful thoughts to a wilder degree now.

"I want my tongue inside you Bella." I growled fiercely now. "I want to probe every inch of you. Let me lick your desire. I want to taste you...." I continued. My chest was heaving, and I could feel my testicles clench.

I knew I was getting close now. There was only one thing left to do. I opened my mouth slowly, and my tongue poked out hesitantly. It made it's way to the cotton gusset of Bella's panties. I knew what would be waiting for me there. The anticipation was excutiating now. So close...

My tongue rested against the fabric now. Bella's dried juices moistened slightly as my tongue caressed the delicate fabric. Bella's...essence...! I was tasting Bella now! My eyes fluttered rapidly as I tasted her on the tip of my tongue. Time stood still. Nothing could prepare me for this. Nothing! My eyes glazed over, and I felt a wave of euphoria begin inside me. Bella tasted so amazing – it was like nothing I'd ever experienced or tasted before. I wanted more. No, I needed more. I pushed the cotton gusset into my mouth, and began to suck on it. Bella's essence began to fill my mouth as my tongue and lips worked over her panties. I was growling fiercely now, and my body thrashed as the tidal wave of pleasure inside me grew with each passing second I had Bella in my mouth.

I felt a wave of pleasure begin in my testicles. I could feel it travelling inside me, and through my aching cock. As it reached the tip, my whole body froze as the ecstacy intensified, and then released. Wave after wave of pleasure erupted from my body as my spasming testicles pumped my seed out in thick creamy jets as my tongue and lips worked over Bella's panties searching for every last drop of her desire as I continued to cum. After what seemed like forever, I was spent.

I lay on the bed in total shock. My eyes were half closed, as I felt the pleasure fade. I couldn't move. The feeling was so intense. I lay there breathing hard, as I came down from my self induced pleasure wave. Minutes passed, and still I couldn't move. I was still dazed by the experience. I realized Bella's panties were still in my mouth. I removed them, and shook my head.

The delicate cotton gusset, and the soft satin fabric were torn almost to shreds. I wouldn't be returning these, I noted somewhat amused. I'd have to buy more, and replace the tattered garments I was sure to destroy.

Several hours later I found myself in Victoria's Secret. The saleswoman eyed me appraisingly, and smiled. I could read her mind, and she was definitely thinking naughty thoughts about her and I.

"Hello..." I said smoothly. My eyes glinted gold at her.

"Um...what?" she said flustered.

"Hello. I'm looking for some intimate apparel for my girlfriend..." I replied.

"Oh. Do you know her size?" she began.

I took out a piece of paper, and passed it to her. "This is her size. These are the items I need." I said, my eyes dazzling her.

She stared at the paper now, wondering what she should do with it. She snapped out of her daze after a few seconds. "Huh. Umm...right." she said, her face turning red. She began walking away to retrieve the items.

"Janette?" I called to her, having read her name tag. She turned now, and faced me.

"Ten pairs of each..." I said, my smile widening.

"Ten pairs?! Each?" she said as she eyed the list incredulously. "That's over 40 pairs!" she burst out, and then blushed at her unprofessional outburst. I nodded.

"Yes, well...they don't last long while I'm around..." I said flashing my crooked smile...

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Reviews are like my own personal brand of heroin. ;)**


	21. Bella Tastes Edward

Chapter 21 : Bella Tastes Edward

I sat in Alice's room now. Edward was off hunting with his brothers. It was time for another girl chat with Alice. Alice was...well, Alice, I noted amused. She was very fidgety as she sat across from me. I blushed slightly. I don't know why I was hesitating. It wasn't that I was unused to the terms – Alice had been wonderfully helpful to me in that regard. I think it was more of how she would answer that was causing me to linger across from her. Sometimes not knowing a yes or a no was more comforting. I sighed. Alice fidgeted more, and seemed to be bouncing up and down with excitement. I looked at her beautiful face now, as a small smile creased my lips.

"Alice..." I began shyly. "Edward and I have been practicing being more intimate..." I said almost unnecessarily. Alice would know already I'm sure of it. But still, it was leading up to the question I want to ask, and I figured a little more delay in knowing might make me a bit more comfortable about the awkward question I was going to ask Edward's sister.

A grin spread across Alice's face as I spoke. I could tell that she was dying to ask me all about it, but she had the grace to not pester me about it. I would tell her eventually in my own time she figured.

"It's going very well I think. Edward thinks so too." I said as my eyes beamed now. Alice nodded as I mentioned Edward. I assumed that meant that she was in agreement that Edward thought they were going well also. I wondered if Edward had talked to her about it? Huh...he might have. It didn't matter anyways, so I shrugged the question out of my mind.

"Alice, I need your advice." I stated simply.

"Of course Bella. I'm always here for you. You know that..." she said softly. Her voice was so wondrous. It almost dazzled me, as Edward sometimes did with his eyes. I blinked before speaking once more.

"Edward makes me feel so good Alice. You know I want to make him feel good too..." I said, blushing slightly.

To my surprise Alice made the "I can't hear you" gesture again like she did a few weeks ago. Without missing a beat I replied to her unvoiced command. "I want to suck his cock Alice...". My face reddened now. I hadn't really expected to say that out loud. It was just a reaction to the gesture, I realized. Oh God, I hope Alice didn't accidentally use that gesture at our lunch table, I thought to myself. I pushed _that thought _out of my mind immediately.

Alice's radiant smile seemed to burst through the room as I spoke. She nodded for me to continue, and waited patiently for me to do so.

"So, I know you can see the future...like if someone decides something, and all that..." I began. Her eyes were shining at me now. I could see the love for me on her face.

"So, I've already decided that since Edward seems to be in control, and he's made me feel so wonderful...that...I want to reciprocate with him...tonight." I finished. "So do you see any problems with Edward's control if I..." I began. My eyes became glossy now as the image of what I was about to speak entered my mind. My heart started to race. "if I suck Edward's cock tonight?" I finished in a whisper.

Alice took my hand in hers. I loved the icy cool smoothness of her skin against mine. Her eyes went dark and blank then. Several seconds later they returned to their lovely amber colour.

"Everything will be fine Bella..." she said softly, and pulled me close to her. I felt her cool embrace, and her soft black hair brush against my cheek. "I'm so happy for you two..." she whispered into my ear. Just the sound of her voice gave me goosebumps.

"So Edward will be able to maintain his control..." I reiterated to myself. The idea sent a shiver through my spine.

"He'll be fine Bella. He's been practicing his control too - more than you know!" she said with a laugh and a wink.

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That night I lay in bed anxiously awaiting Edward's arrival. I was in my pyjamas of course, as I always was. Underneath the flanel fabric was the light pink bra and panty set I'd bought with Alice. IT was the plain jane pair. I didn't want to make things too awkward for Edward. I wasn't even sure he would go along with it, but then Alice's vision... Of course he would go along with it, Alice had seen that he would and everything would be alright. I sighed contentedly. Having had advanced warning that my untried oral skills would be enough did wonders for my shaky confidence.

I didn't have to wait long for Edward to arrive in my room. He slipped through the window easily, and

smiled as soon as he saw me. I smiled back. Now everything felt complete in my world – I was with Edward once more. I got out of bed, and walked over to him never once taking my gaze off of him. When I reached him, I put my arms around him, and kissed his cheek softly.

"I missed you..." I said softly.

"I missed you too Bella." Edward sighed back.

Ahh the wondrous joys of being so deeply in love I thought to myself as I gazed into my Angel's eyes. They were deliciously amber tonight, and coupled with Edward's breathtaking beauty – together they took my breath away.

"Edward..." I whispered.

"Yes Bella?" he replied easily.

"I'm so eternally in love with you..." I said sweetly. I meant every word of it. I knew now that the love I had forever would be ever lasting. Edward stiffened slightly, but relaxed immediately. I was used to it. My "eternally" comment reminded him of my desire to be a vampire and be with him forever. He was opposed to it, but I was working on him. It was a moot point though – I knew now after my experience with James that one night, that Alice had already seen me as a vampire. It would happen. It was more a question of how, and when to my mind. Not tonight apparently, I smiled to myself, so I pushed the thought out of my head. Edward replied to my loving profession with one of his own.

"Forever is not enough time to truly love you as you deserve." he replied. My heart jumped. I loved when Edward spoke like this. It was so different. It was so sweet. It was so Edward, I realized. I took his hand in mine, and brought it to my face. I pressed my pale cheek against his icy coldness, and felt a shiver run through my body. Edward cocked his head to the side slowly. He smiled at me softly, seeming to understand something. Lately, although I loved the way Edward and I practiced with each other – in an effort to strengthen Edward's control – I began to yearn for the way we used to be.

Not that I didn't love the way our relationship had evolved – it was heavenly. But with all our practice sessions occupying our time, I began to miss the soft sweetness we used to share with each other. Edward took my hand from his cheek, and pressed it to his lips.

"Bella...you are my reason for being. Without you I am like a ship without a sea." he explained in typical Edward fashion. I sighed. He really did have a different way of saying things. It was one of the many things that endeared him to me.

I wanted tonight to be special. I wanted Edward to know just how much I loved him. I didn't want it to be about me, like all the previous nights of our practice sessions. Tonight would be my turn to make edward feel good. But first, I just wanted to revel in the undying love we had for each other. I tried to make a clever comparison to my life without Edward. Dog without a bone? I grimaced inwardly at that. The last thing I needed was to use the word bone around Edward. Think Bella...!

"Without you, I am like a flower without the sun" I finished. Edward smiled then.

"You are a delicate like a flower, aren't you...?" he said brushing his hands over my forehead. I closed my eyes and lost myself in his touch. "But no flower ever smelled as sweet..." he said as his lips brushed over mine. Oh God Edward...I love you so much. Everything he said was like the sweetest music to my ears. My dark chocolate eyes met his radiant gold ones then, and time seemed to lose all meaning.

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I guided Edward to the bed, and gently pushed him back down. Edward's sharp eyes gazed at me questioningly. My pulse and breathing were betraying me, I groaned. I knew how our practice sessions started out, and ended...but this one would be different. The anticipation was making me anxious, and my vital indicators would reflect that. I forced myself to calm down. Breathe slowly Bella, I reprimanded myself. To a degree, it worked. Edward still knew something was different though. Darn those vampire senses. They were so difficult to fool...

I climbed into the bed, and got to my familiar place beside Edward. I put my arm around him, and within seconds his lips met mine. We began kissing softly, and then gradually the passion between our lips intensified. I could feel Edward's tongue in my mouth now, playfully dancing with my own. His scent was overwhelming me, and the sensation of his tongue sent tremors through my body. I could feel a smouldering heat deep inside me. The fire grew with each passing kiss. My breath started to come in gasps. My desire was increasing now. Edward recognized these signs immediately. I felt his hand move to my pyjama top, and felt his fingers lightly brush against the cloth covering my breasts. My hand reached for his, and I pulled it away gently. Edward looked at me questioningly, wondering what he had done wrong. I smiled at him.

I got up slightly, and shifted my body. My leg was over his waist in a flash, and within seconds I was straddling Edward's waist. Edward's eyes narrowed, but did not lose their radiant gold. My hands trembled, and my pulse started to race as I reached for one of the buttons on Edward's shirt. My small fingers found it, and I was unbuttoning it when I felt Edward's hand around my wrist, gently locking my hand in place.

"Bella..." he began, his tone slightly stern. He obviously knew what I was attempting, and did not approve. I didn't let that dissuade me

"Edward....do you trust me?" I asked him meekly.

"It's not you I distrust. It is myself!" he replied forcefully.

I looked at my wrist now, bound in his icy embrace. He released my hand then, and stared at me. His face softened.

"I trust you Bella. But tell me please...what are your intentions?" he asked warily.

I knew I had to reassure Edward. The fear of the unknown was truly frightening to him. His control and my safety were of upmost importance to him. To be caught off guard, or unaware...like the night not so long ago...was a maddening thought to Edward.

"I want to make you feel good..." I explained, and then bit my lip nervously. My face blushed redder now. Edward's breath was coming faster too. Did he know what I meant? Did he piece together my surprise so easily? Or was he just excited at the possibilities? I didn't know.

"How?" he eyed me cautiously. He wasn't outright rejecting me, I noted surprised. He was merely curious as to what I wanted to do.

"I want my hands on you Edward. I want my mouth on you. I want to touch you the way you touch me..." I explained meekly, and then looked at the floor.

I heard Edward's sharp hiss of breath, and then the air rushing quickly as he was out of the bed in a flash. "Absolutely not Bella!"

I looked at the empty bed beside me, and then to Edward standing on the other side of the room. My shoulders slumped, defeated. My lip was trembling now. I'd bungled everything. Alice's vision was wrong. Something must have changed. And I wanted to. I really wanted to make Edward feel good. I was embarassed now, and his rejection stung. A tear fell down my cheek followed by another. I let out a light sob.

"Bella..." Edward said, his voicer soft. "It's not you. It's me. It's too dangerous. It's not that I don't want you..." he reasoned. I wasn't buying it. My confidence staggered, I got off the bed, and let a breath of air escape my lips.

"Sure, sure..." I said, mimicing Jacob, as another sob escaped my lips.

Edward was beside me in an instant. I could see the regret in his eyes now. Regret that his response had hurt me. "I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean it. It's just too dangerous." he tried to explain.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this. Alice had seen it. Everything was going to be fine. She said you'd been practicing your control..." I snuffled. I felt Edward's body tense instantly. I didn't know why. I looked at him, confused to his reaction. Edward turned away from me awkwardly. What had I said? He let out a slow breath, and studied me astutely.

"Alice said everything would be fine?" he asked me directly.

"Yes." I replied.

"And you told her what you were planning to do, _exactly_?" he continued to question me.

"Yes." I answered again.

Edward sighed. He began unbuttoning his shirt as I watched dumbfounded. He looked at my incredulous expression now. "I'm sorry. If you would rather not, I understand. I've behaved hideously just now. I'm sorry Bella..." he said, and began buttoning his shirt back up. He never finished one button before my hands were on his chest pushing him back down onto the bed. I smiled at him now.

"You really mean it Edward?" I asked him with a goofy grin on my face.

"I have been working on my control Bella." Edward said awkwardly, and turned his face away from my questioning eyes. "I think it would be okay. I'm stronger, and more resistant to the hunger now." he explained. "But" he cautioned "you must stop if I tell you too. Please Bella, promise me."

"I promise Edward..." I whispered, hardly able to breathe. Edward nodded.

I moved my hands to the other buttons on his shirt. They were trembling now. I worked each button free, and watched the material fall away from Edward's chest. I gasped at the perfectly smooth muscles I found there. Edward was perfection personified. I ran a finger down his rock hard chest. I could feel Edward shiver under my gentle touch now. I filled me with a sense of power now – knowing I could make Edward quiver the way he made me. My hands trailed over Edward's granite smooth skin, and I revelled in every crease and bump I felt on his muscular chest. My breath was coming fast now as my fingers explored Edward. I moved to his face, and kissed my way from his lips, and down his neck. His eyes closed, and I felt him tense slightly as he felt my warm lips across his glorious pectoral muscles. Edward's body shuddered as I planted trails of kisses over him now. His breath was coming gasps, and I marvelled at the way he reacted to my touch.

I let my tongue poke out from between my lips. Edward's eyes were wide as he watched it inch closer and closer to his smooth stone flesh. It was very cold, but I was loving the feel of my warm wet tongue on his hard icy skin. Edward trembled again. "Oh Bella..." I heard him whisper.

My chest was pounding now. My pulse was thundering through my body as my desire for Edward only increased as I explored more and more of his chest with my lips and tongue. Edward sighed under another caress, and I began kissing my way down his stomach now. His eyelids fluttered as I continued to touch and lick and kiss his chest.

I could feel a dampening between my legs. I wanted Edward so badly now. I wanted to make love to him. I wanted to feel him inside me. I shook the fleeting thought of making love to Edward from my mind. I hadn't talked about that with Alice. I had to behave, and follow my original plan tonight. Besides, tonight was all about making Edward feel good.

Several minutes passed. I worked my way around Edward's chest, and then decided to go for it. My trembling hands reached for the button of his jeans. I felt Edward's whole body tense as he felt my hands undo the button. He looked at me wide eyed.

"It's okay Edward. It's fine. Alice said so..." I said reassuringly. Edward looked completely dumbfounded. Was he more surprised my actions, or the fact I'd discussed this with Alice? I didn't know. It didn't matter. I felt his body relax slightly.

My fingers worked the zipper of his jeans down now. I could tell Edward was hard already. I pulled the jeans down slightly. Edward shifted his body, aiding in the removal of that article of clothing. My face went red now. I was staring at Edward now, naked except for a pair of underwear. I was immediately aware that he was hard. I could see the outline of his cock straining against the fabric. Edward looked down, slightly embarassed. I couldn't breathe as I stared at Edward. I heard his musical voice prodding me.

"Bella...breathe..." he said. I nodded, and took a breath.

My hands were shaking. I found it difficult to focus. My vision was completely centered between Edward's legs. I could see Edward's cock twitch slightly under the tight fabric, and my whole body seemed to melt with desire. A shuddering sigh escaped my lips as I watched Edward's tightly covered cock move before my eyes.

My hand reached out. I had to touch it. Oh God. Was this a dream? Edward's eyes were wide now, watching my trembling fingers make my way towards him slowly. They had a look of pleading in them, as if he wanted to feel me on him so badly. Seconds later, I obliged the unspoken words. My fingers ran up and down Edward's underwear lightly, over the bulge. Edward moaned lightly, and I gasped. My mind was running wild now. It was so big! My hand was touching Edward's cock! Well through the underwear, I reminded myself. I would rectify that error soon enough.

I moved betwen Edward's legs now. His cock seemed to grow in size, as my face was only inches from his underwear now. I moved closer, and began to caress his member through the fabric. Edward's face scrunched up in pleasure as I did so. I looked into Edward's eyes now, as my lips moved ever closer to the fabric barely concealing him from me. Without breaking my gaze, I planted soft kisses along the cloth now, kissing up and down his hard shaft. Edward's hands balled into fists, and I saw his jaw clench. I was amazed at how his body was reacting to my inexperienced touches.

My hand reached the waistband of his underwear, and slowly pulled them down. My eyes glazed over with lust and wanting as Edward's cock came into view to my virgin eyes. My body was shaking now. I looked at his cock...at it's girth, and length, and my whole body seemed to be a raging inferno of lust. All my dreams and desires did not do Edward justice. It was just....perfect. Smooth and hard as a statue he stood erect for me. I had to feel it. My hand reached out, and I felt my soft delicate fingers wrap around Edward's thick shaft. Edward growled now softly. I looked at him alarmed, but he nodded his head.

"I'm fine Bella..." he reassured me.

"Edward...you are so beautiful..." I whispered, as a tear fell from my eye. I knew it was silly to cry, but I was so happy. Edward loved me. Edward was hard for me. Edward was trying so hard to make a physical relationship between us work – because he knew it was what I wanted.

"I love you Edward..." I said, as my hand gripped his shaft tighter.

"I love you Bella. You are my everything..." he replied, as his eyes closed.

My previous "homework" practice came back to me. I hovered over Edward's cock now, and let my tongue touch it. We both shivered as soon as my tongue made contact with Edward's quivering cock. My breath was gasping now as I felt the icy cold shaft with my warm and wet tongue. I moved my mouth to him now, kissing the shaft up and down, and trailing over the head. Edward gasped as my lips worked their way around his hardness. I could feel his hands in my hair now.

I hovered over the head now, my mouth open. I looked into Edward's eyes. Edward looked at me pleading – his eyes begging me. His mouth opened. His musical voice broke the silence.

"Tell me..." he whispered. I raised my eyebrow at him. Did he want me to tell him I loved him? What did he want. He glanced at his cock, and back to my eyes.

"Tell me..." he repeated in a whisper soft voice. My face went crimson then. The blush on my cheeks just made the desire in Edward's eyes intensify.

"I want...your cock...in my mouth Edward..." I whispered, as my heartbeat skyrocketed.

Edward's head slammed back against the pillow now, and his body seemed to thrash as he processed what I had spoken aloud.

"Yes....Bella....please...." he whispered.

I moved my mouth over his cock, and engulfed the head. I felt Edward's body tremble now as my warmth spread over his head. I guided his cock deeper into my mouth. One inch, two inches, three...I slowly made my way down. I wasn't sure I could fit any more in. He was so thick! Edward didn't seem to care. His eyes were clenched shut, and I could see his hands opening and closing now. He was trying to control his desire. I was okay...Alice had said it would be alright. And Edward would tell me to stop if I had to. I applied the gentlest pressure with my mouth. My cheeks hollowed as I sucked Edward lightly. He gasped as he felt the pressure around his cock. I moved my head up and down slowly.

"Bella...Oh God...that feels...." Edward began, but couldn't continue. He growled again, and I saw his hand move to his mouth. Was he biting his hand? I couldn't be sure. I kept up my oral assault on his cock. Since I could only get about 3 inches into my mouth, I continued to suck on him, while my other hand worked up and down on his shaft. Edward's body convulsed, and squirmed. He was still growling, but instead of being afraid I was aroused.

My head was bobbing up and down now, faster as I stared at Edward. His eyes were glued to my face, watching as I took his member into my mouth, and sucked it lightly with each downward movement of my moist mouth.

"Edward...I love...to suck your cock..." I whispered, my body quivering as I voiced my sexy confession aloud.

Edward's back arched slightly at that. His body was moving in random directions as with each bob of my head, his desire and pleasure increased.

His cock was covered in my saliva now. I placed both hands on his cock, and worked them up and down. Edward was lightly thrusting his pelvis now. As I moved my hands down, he would lightly thrust his cock upward. Edward's face was becoming contorted now.

"Bella...I'm...close..." he whispered frantically. I could see the desire in his eyes yearning for release. Oh God Edward...yes! Cum for me. Please Edward, just let me make you cum, I thought. I was pumping my hand quickly up and down his cock now as fast as I could.

"Bella..." I heard Edward moan. I needed no more warning. I took his cock in my mouth as deep as I could, and sucked on it hard. I felt my lips and mouth wrap around his cock, refusing to let go, as I moved up and down applying as much pressure as I could. Edward shuddered, and looked at me...his eyes shining now.

"I want you to cum for me Edward..." I whispered, and then took him back in my mouth. I didn't have to wait long. Seconds later, Edward's body froze for a second, and then began to involuntarily spasm. I felt his cock twitching in my mouth, and could feel Edward pumping his semen into me. I didn't know what to expect, so I just kept my mouth on him, as his seed continued to pump out into my waiting mouth. There was so much! He filled my mouth, and there was some leaking out of my mouth. I thought I would be sick or gag, but like everything else about Edward, it only made me want him more. It wasn't so bad, actually, I thought to myself amused. I could feel gobs of Edward's spent seed trailing out of my mouth and down his shaft. Edward was still shuddering uncontrollably. Gradually, the tremors in his body slowed, and he lay there completely drained. I released his cock from my mouth, and wiped away his excess sperm from my lips. I looked at him now, with a huge smile on my face. I'd reciprocated! I'd made Edward cum! I was over the moon. So was Edward, apparently.

I moved to him, and caressed his cheek. He looked at me speechless. He was completely overwhelmed by what had happened. Finally, he spoke.

"Bella...that was..." he trailed off. "That was the most amazing thing I've experienced!" he exclaimed.

"Nope." I said, a devilish glint in my eyes. "That was the most amazing thing you've experienced _so far_... " I corrected him. I smiled mischeviously before continuing. "Just you wait til tomorrow Edward Cullen...."


	22. Dreams and Explanations

**Chapter 22: Dreams and Explanations**

The area around us was completely black. Only a circle of light broke the darkness. The illuminated circle was about 10 feet in diameter. Bella stood across from me, watching me intently. Her soft pale skin shone as it reflected the soft rays of light. Her eyes were a rich dark brown. Like liquid chestnut – the colour seemed to intensify as she gazed at me now. How many times had I imagined myself lost in those deep wonderful eyes, I wondered. And now she was here. I let out a sigh. My gaze flickered over her hair. She smelled of strawberries, and each strand of her dark locks was like the softest silk. Her lips were light pink, and so inviting. They were – like everything else about her - soft, and so very delicate. I longed to kiss her now, but I couldn't. I would never be able to kiss her, I realized sadly. She looked up at me now, and sighed. She spoke then, and her voice caused my eyelids to flutter.

"Chris? Why haven't you written about me on fanfiction lately?" She asked with a worried expression.

"I'm sorry" I apologized. I had missed writing about her in the last few days, but as often happens, other responsibilities get in the way. But, I had to reassure her that although I was busy, the writing _would_ continue. "Bella, you know that I love you...but I don't have the time right now." I spoke honestly.

Bella froze, and her eyes narrowed at me. She cocked her head slightly, as she processed the words I'd just spoken. She was surprised at how easily my reply escaped my lips. I'd never told her that before.

"You...love...me?" she asked slowly, surprise echoing in each syllable.

"Yes Bella...I love you. I've always loved you. From the moment I first read about you, I was hopelessly in love" I admitted.

There was an awkward tension now, as Bella didn't know what to say. She looked down at her hands, and bit her lip nervously. I broke the silence.

"Of course I love you. Who else knows exactly the shade of your cheeks right now?" I said as my hand reached for Bella's gently pinking cheeks. I ran my fingers across her delicate skin lightly, and sighed. She was so beautiful.

"Who else knows the colour and texture of each of your wondrous strands of hair?" I continued – my fingers working through the silky softness of her hair. She made no motion to stop me, as my fingers worked through her strawberry scented hair.

"Who else knows exactly what you are thinking, and how to make you happy?" I asked her plainly. Her forehead creased slightly, as she weighed her response.

"Edward makes me happy..." she said in a whisper.

"_That_ I do know Bella. And I do want you to be together with him. I think so far, the story I'm writing is proof of that." I said honestly. She looked at me then, sadness in her eyes.

"But..." she said softly.

"Yes...but..." I smiled softly at her now. "But that does not mean that I am still not in love with you." I finished the thought. Bella stood in silence for a moment. She looked up at me then, her deep eyes searching my face. She didn't want to hurt me, I could tell. Silly Bella...you could never hurt me, I thought to myself.

"But you will keep writing about me? And about Edward too?" she asked, with a pleading tone.

I moved to her then, and felt my hands wrap around her back. I kissed her softly on her deliciously smooth cheek. Mmm, I thought, she really does smell like strawberries!

"Yes, I will. I'm just busy for the next little bit, so won't be able to update my story as often as before." I explained to the vision of loveliness in my arms.

Bella rested her head against my shoulder, and sighed again. "Thank you..." she then said, as soft as a whisper.

I released Bella then, and headed towards the fringe of darkness that surrounded us. I heard her voice then, and turned to look at her. She smiled her beautiful smile.

"Chris – do me a favour?" She asked questioningly. I arched my eyebrow at her in reply. " Make it good..." she said with a chuckle.

I shook my head laughing at how she could voice such a ridiculous request. "You know me Bella! It will be good..." I said, my voice full of love. I drifted out of the circle now, my last vision – the vision of my Angel.

**A/N: Okay, so I inserted myself into this story in a dream? Why? Because I can! LoL Just kidding. So this didn't happen of course. It's just my way of letting everyone know that I won't be able to update this story as often as before. And Author's Notes are forbidden as chapters, so I was forced to do it as a dream in which the fictional Bella was speaking to me. LoL. So don't expect a chapter or two a day anymore. The real world is invading my time! Boooo. :-( But I will update as often as I can. Once or twice a week should be possible. I'll try to do more. In fact, because I will have sporadic internet, that is the real problem. I am a Marine Engineer, and work on a ship obviously. So since we travel around, and are not always in the same place...I don't always have an internet signal. I've been in drydock the past two weeks, so it has not been an issue. But we are leaving tomorrow, so I'm not sure how often I will be able to go online. But the good news is I will still be writing. So if you don't see me for four days...I may have written 3 chapters! Soat least I can upload them all at once. We'll see how it goes. Sorry for the confusion, and the long Author's Note. Oh ya, and by the way.... I really do love Bella more than Edward does! ;-) LoL! **


	23. So Much In Love

**Chapter 23: So Much in Love**

My first sensation was of feeling vaguely tired. I struggled to push the heaviness from my body. It was working. I wrinkled my nose now, and my arms began to move. I felt cool. I realized now that I was waking up, and that Edward was holding me, as usual. That thought put a smile on my face instantly. It wasn't a huge smile...I was still too much half asleep for that. But the corners of my mouth rolled up, and I let out a contented sigh as my arms wrapped ever so slightly tighter around Edward. I felt his finger on my cheek then softly. My smile grew slightly larger, at his touch. It wouldn't be long now until I finally opened my reluctant eyes to the light. I heard Edward's slow and steady breathing now. With each wondrous exhale, more of his delicious scent hung in the air. My eyelids fluttered slightly, and finally opened. I peered through the slight haze that clung to my eyes, and saw Edward looking at me with sheer fascination in his eyes. I stifled a yawn.

"What are you looking at?" I said softly.

"You." he answered without missing a beat.

"Boring...." I said teasingly.

Edward shook his head slowly. "On the contrary Bella, you are anything but boring..." he said and then kissed my forehead lightly. I sighed again as I felt his cool lips on my skin. As he moved back to his original position, my brown eyes stared at him exuding only love. Edward cocked his head slightly under my gaze. I saw his perfect lips move and milliseconds later his soft musical voice was in my ears.

"What are you looking at?" he said teasingly.

"You." I answered, playing along – a grin forming on my face.

"Boring..." he replied, his mouth forming into a wonderful smile now.

We both laughed then. I then felt Edward's hand on mine, and he stroked my soft flesh so gently. I was still looking at him as his hand worked over mine slowly. I was gazing into his amazing amber eyes. The way they glinted when he looked at me made my heartbeat increase ever so slightly. Edward sensed my pulse rate increasing, and his eyes narrowed slightly, wondering what was causing the minute change in my body. I answered him with a whisper.

"I'm so in love with you Edward..." I said, barely audible.

Edward smiled radiantly now. I felt my breath falter slightly as the full force of his beautiful smile hit me. He wasn't trying to dazzle me on purpose, it was just my reaction to seeing his smile, and knowing that I was the cause of so much happiness in Edward.

"I'm so very in love with you too, Bella." I heard Edward's sweet voice answer in reply to my own confession. He tilted his head slightly, and I saw his eyes change slightly to more golden as I watched. There was more he wanted to say. I waited for him to continue.

"You don't know just how very long I've waited for you." he began. I felt my heart skip slightly at his words. "So very long..." he finished, with happiness and love in his eyes.

I ran my fingers along Edward's icy cheek now, and across his lips. He seemed to shiver under my warming touch. His eyes closed slightly as I made my way across his lips, and up his other cheek.

"Was I worth the wait?" I asked coyly, my eyes shining now.

Edward nodded, and then voiced his thoughts. "Every second Bella." he said sincerely. "I'd have waited 10,000 years if only to spend one second with you." My eyelids fluttered as he spoke. Oh Edward...I love how you speak. I love how much you love me. I love knowing that you love me as much as I love you. I can't imagine living one day without you. What did I ever do to deserve you in my life? My mind was working overtime now, thinking of how much we loved each other, and how happy he made me.

I curled up into Edward's chest now, and rested my head on his shoulder. The cool and hard skin felt so smooth under me. I felt Edward's fingers running through my hair then. I let out another sigh.

"I don't want to spend one day apart from you Edward..." I admitted.

"Nor I from you..." he replied – fingers twirling through my dark brown hair.

"I'll always love you Edward. I promise. I'll love you forever." I whispered.

I felt Edward's fingers stop suddenly at the mention of forever, and then without barely a hitch, began to play with my silky strands once more. I knew why he stopped, however briefly. Edward was thinking of me being a vampire. It always saddened him to think of me like him. I bit my lip at his reaction. It was the one thing I wanted more than anything. My lip trembled lightly, and I spoke. I wasn't speaking to Edward now, I was just giving voice to the thought in my head.

"One lifetime is simply not enough..." I said barely above a whisper, my head moving back and forth slowly.

Edward stiffened now, and his hands stopped winding their way through my silky dark hair. I looked up into his eyes. The fierce gold was now much paler. The sadness was back in his eyes. He studied me carefully.

"You don't know what you ask Bella." he said, his eyes seemingly far away now. He was imagining me as a vampire, I realized. Was it so sad for him to think of me like him? Didn't he want to spend forever with me? I knew that wasn't the case.

"I want to be with you. Always." I said meekly. I looked at Edward now. He was looking at the ceiling now, unable to meet my gaze.

"Edward. Look at me..." I pleaded softly. He turned his head to lock his eyes with mine.

"I want to be with you. Always." I repeated.

A sad smile broke across his lips. He nodded slightly. "I know Bella..." He whispered softly.

"Is forever with me such a sad thought for you?" I whispered, slightly hurt at his reaction to my undying pledge of love.

Edward's eyes blazed gold now. The change was instantaneous. "Of course not!" he said more loudly. "You don't know...how immeasurably easier it would be for me." he explained. "But to be like me...to become a monster... To lose your soul..." he began, but I cut him off.

"Edward...you are not a monster. You - are an Angel" I stated matter-of-factly. Edward scoffed lightly.

"You're _my_ Angel..." I corrected myself, softer now, hoping to appease Edward, and ran my fingers across his cheek. He leaned closer now, tilting his head as I ran my fingers lightly over the smooth cold skin. Edward looked at me now, his eyes narrowing. He was considering something. Seconds passed.

I saw his hand reach for me, and his fingers found my lips. He brushed the tips over my moist lips, and then up my cheek. I sighed under his caress.

"You're _my_ Angel Bella." he whispered so sincerely, an edge of heartbreak in his voice now. "You've already saved me." he continued. Edward didn't say it, but I knew he was referring to that night when he'd lost his battle with his inner demon. He said that he'd seen me in his mind, looking every bit an Angel whispering my love for him. It was that image that had shaken him out of his lustful hunger for me that night. We'd never spoken of it after our talk. It had shaken me to see Edward so broken, and inside I still felt guilty over what had happened. Edward would never forget, and he blamed himself of course. I sighed miserably at the thought.

We stayed silent for a few moments. Neither one of us knew what to say. Sometimes words weren't required. I was thinking about how to break the silence when my body betrayed me. To my embarrassment, my stomach growled loudly. Edward raised his eyebrows, and stared at my tummy. To my surprise, he laughed. He shook his head to and fro, as his musical laugh answered my body's indelicate protest of it's lack of sustenance. Edward's hand found my stomach, and I forgot how to breathe as his hand moved back and forth over my abdomen. I shivered now, under his icy touch. It had nothing to do with the temperature of his skin...

"Another human moment..." I complained softly, but somewhat dejectedly. I made my way to leave the bed, but I felt Edward's hand on my wrist. I looked at him now.

"It's those moments I don't want you to lose Bella..." Edward said lightly. His fingers found my chin and he guided my gaze to his. "Good or bad, the human moments are what I want you to experience. I don't want you to miss a single one..." he explained.

"I don't want you to give up what you are, just to be with me. You are human..." he finally finished. His eyes searched mine, pleading with me to see the sense in what he was saying.

"You were human too." I said in my defense.

"Yes. But I never had a choice." he qualified.

"Neither do I..." I responded, locking my eyes with his. Edward's eyes narrowed perceptibly but he didn't say anything.

"Whether I want to or not, it's already too late for me." I whispered. It was true, in my mind. I would give up anything to be with Edward. I just couldn't bear to be apart from him. And Alice had seen it already. Edward frowned deeply at my comment, and looked away from me. I moved my delicate fingers to his face, and tried to guide his gaze to my face. He initially resisted, unable to look into my eyes.

"Edward...please...look at me?" I pleaded, my voice merely a whisper. Edward obliged after only a seconds pause.

"It's not going to happen right now Edward. Not today, not tomorrow, probably not next month either. But we both know it is going to happen." I whispered. His eyes were so sad now. He knew it was true, he'd seen it through Alice's mind also.

"I know Bella." he finally admitted, his head shaking softly.

I smiled at him now. He cocked his head, confused.

"We really will have forever won't we?" I asked – my voice trembled a bit in awe at the thought.

"Yes" Edward said, resigned now.

"It's still not enough..." I said, with devilish glint in my eyes, and a faint smile on my lips.

Edward smirked, and then I saw his lips curl into a small smile of his own. "You are a greedy little thing, aren't you?" he said teasingly. His fingers brushed along my neck now, and I tilted my head towards him, inviting him to my cheek. I was glad that the mood had lightened somewhat now.

"Yes" I admitted. "Greedy for you...." I continued, my arms wrapped around his neck now, and my lips found his. I hadn't actually had my human moment yet - distracted by the talk, and I realized I must still have morning breath. What I wanted to be a passionate kiss, turned out to be a little peck on Edward's smooth lips – unsure as I was about my oral hygiene at that moment. I grimaced internally now. Why couldn't I have just had my human moment to freshen up, and then have my stomach growl, I wondered to myself. I was disappointed.

I felt Edward's return kiss on my lips, and it was equally as soft as mine. I felt him pull me closer, and his kiss intensified. I could feel the pressure against my lips, and his mouth opened slightly. I broke the kiss then, and searched his face.

"Edward...I need a human moment first..." I reminded him.

Edward wasn't having any of it. He pulled me closer to him, and kissed my soft lips once more. I could feel his hands in my hair, and my breath was coming short again. I felt his tongue on my lips, and I sighed – losing myself in his kiss. Several moments passed I think, as Edward kissed and licked my lips. Any thought of morning breath faded from my mind entirely as Edward's earnest mouth met mine again and again. Finally, the kisses softened, and Edward pulled away to look into my face. My eyelids felt heavy, and my breath was ragged. I could feel my heart racing. Oh God...the way he made me feel all the time. Edward smiled at my appearance, and I heard his soft musical voice break the silence.

"You're so beautiful Bella." Edward said, his voice breaking slightly now. "With or without makeup. With or without your human moments. With or without your clothes..." The blush that began in my cheeks deepened slightly as he said the last part. "You're always so beautiful to me." he finished. My eyelids fluttered as I heard the deep love in Edward's voice, and I could see it in his blazing gold eyes now. He touched my forehead now, and I felt like my knees would give out. "So beautiful..." he said once more, barely above a whisper. "My Bella, my Angel...my saviour. I love you so much Bella. I'll always love you..." he said – his eyes focused on me, their golden hue intensely radiating now.

"Oh Edward..." I whispered, a tear staining my soft cheek. I ran into his arms now, and wrapped myself so tightly around him. "I love you, I love you...I love you..." I whispered over and over again as I felt his icy hands wrap me in their loving embrace once more. I didn't want this moment to ever end, but I knew in my heart that even when it did, it wouldn't matter. Edward and I would be together forever! The thought made my heart want to burst with joy. We were now, and would always be – so much in love...

**A/N: Okay, so no steamy sexy scene this time. LoL. Just a sweet affirmation of their undying love for each other. I like to write these kinds of chapters. Their love – it's so powerful to me. I just am in awe by the intensity of it. Edward and Bella – literally on opposite ends of the food chain, somehow manage to put all the differences aside, to be together. The lion falling in love with the lamb! It's so true, in this case. They know it won't be easy, but they try to overcome all the obstacles inherent in such an almost unthinkable relationship. And they succeed! Amazing...! :-)**


	24. Wanting Bella

**Chapter 24:Wanting Bella**

I lay back on Bella's bed, and watched her make her way toward me, her hands trembling slightly.

Wearing a dark green stretch cotton top, my vampire vision could detect the barely visible outline of her bra underneath. My breathing increased as I thought about last night, and how my hands had stripped a similar lacy garment from her body, and my lips, hands, mouth, tongue – all had explored Bella's delectable breasts. Her jeans hugged her body in all the right ways, I noticed, and as my glance hovered over her thighs for the briefest of seconds I was filled with an even more powerful sense of yearning. I shook myself out of such thoughts, immediately. That would not happen tonight, I reminded myself – still unsure as I was about my control. No, tonight I would have to stick to the plan.

The plan we'd formed was a simple one. We never really thought about it, it just evolved naturally. One night, I would practice my control as I touched and licked her upper body. The next, Bella would do the same to me – although she was not limited to only the upper half of my body. The idea, even now, caused my golden eyes to glaze over slightly. The third night, neither one of us would give or receive. That night we would be the way we used to be – just content being in each other's arms, reveling in the comfort of just being in love with each other. I enjoyed each night equally. Each had it's own particular appeal, but through it all – there was Bella - and I and that was all I ever needed.

So far, the plan was working wonderfully, I noted to myself with a sigh. Oh, it was not easy for me by any stretch of the imagination. Yes, my control was much better – both with and without Bella present. It was easier now, feeling her hands and mouth on me, but definitely not _easy_. I had to constantly be on my guard not to slip. One too eager thrust into Bella's warm, moist mouth, and it could literally all be over. I grimaced at the thought. I couldn't ever let myself lose control, no matter how good Bella's attentions felt.

My control sessions when Bella was not present, were going well too, I observed somewhat morosely. Two or three times per week, I would pilfer Bella's delectably sweet smelling panties, and practice at home. Oh...her scent...her taste...it was driving me wild. But, I _was_ getting better. Emmett's advice was actually working in a way. For one, I was building up an immunity to her smell and...taste. My breath gasped as I thought the word "taste". Oh...the word "taste"! It did no justice to the sweet, delicious, perfect flavour of Bella. Nothing could describe the way the evidence of her desire made me feel. Every time Bella's sweet essence was on my tongue, my whole body seemed to explode with every pleasurable emotion. Love, happiness, joy, desire – it was all there – glowing with the intensity of a million suns as her sweet nectar flowed through my body. It literally left me stunned.

But there was something else too, I realized. Although my control was indeed stronger now, my desire for her had actually increased as well. The fact I was now a VIP Victoria's Secret customer, was evidence that although my control was better, I was far from perfect. The delicate garments were usually ruined after my so-called practice session. I sighed now, knowing I was nowhere near enough in control to ever go lower than Bella's upper body now. But someday...! My dead heart would have took a double beat now, if it could beat at all.

My mind wandered frequently lately, imagining tasting my beautiful Bella for real. Not just through the stained fabric of her panties, but with my lips and tongue between her legs as her sweet juices continually ran under my touch. My eyelids fluttered at the thought. Just the idea was making my hunger increase. I could feel it's uncomfortable hold on my throat now, begging to be appeased. I strengthened my inner resolve to match, and checkmated the increased longing almost immediately. I removed the idea from my mind, and felt the ravenous hunger subside, however slightly. I continued to concentrate on my resolve, and I felt the monster being pushed back down. It's hold on me was ebbing now, and I smiled to myself, as I pushed the demon deeper inside me.

Bella was on the bed now...smiling at me. I smiled back, as her hands gently reached for my shirt. She worked deftly on the buttons now, and I could feel the material fall down the sides of my chest, as I watched Bella's face earnestly. She broke into a huge smile as she looked at me. Then her usually radiant brown eyes became slightly smoky, as she took in my chest, and abdomen with a longing gaze. I could hear the tempo of her breathing increase, and her heart took off. She shuddered, sighing, as she gazed at me. She glided effortlessly on top of me now, and I could feel the warmth radiating from her body as her lips found mine. I closed my eyes, feeling Bella on top of me as our mouths met, and we began to kiss softly at first, then more passionately as the minutes passed. Her deliciously delicate lips felt so soft and gentle against my own.

Bella's lips parted, and I felt her warm tongue on my own icy one. The feeling was surreal as the two danced and played with each other – neither giving up ground to the other. My senses were literally being assaulted by Bella now. I loved it. I could feel her body heat against me, and as her hair spilled down over my face as she worked her tongue in my wanting mouth – each fibre seemed to caress my face as if it was the softest silk. The satin locks smelled of strawberries, and their soft caress over my skin sent a shiver through my body. Bella's breathing was ragged now, and each laboured breath seemed to send a jolt of wanting through me. Oh, how I wanted her. I needed her. I loved her so much. I took a deep breath now, and Bella's scent filled my nostrils. My eyelids half closed then, my body lost in the scent of my lovely Bella.

I opened my eyes now, and gazed into Bella's as we kissed. My golden eyes stared unblinking into her lovely chocolate ones now. I heard Bella moan now, and the sound caused the lowest of growls to escape from my lips. I loved to hear her. Every moan, every sigh, every excited whimper from her delectable lips sent a thrill through my still heart.

Bella broke the chain of kisses now, and grinned at me. I knew what was coming. My eyes fluttered again at the thought. She kissed her way down my chin, and my neck. She smiled sweetly now...as her tongue met my hard skin. The exquisite warmth of Bella's tongue on me, as she licked her way down my neck to my chest had me gasping for breath. The fact that I didn't need to breathe at all didn't seem to matter. I struggled for breath under Bella's warm wet tongue. As she kissed and licked her lips down my hard chest, I lightly growled once more. Bella looked into my eyes, seeing me still in control, and her beaming smile was confirmation of her happiness at making me feel so wonderful. I saw her lips move, and heard her voice now – husky with desire.

"I love when you growl Edward..." she admitted in a deep whisper. A flash of insight flashed across her eyes now.

My eyes fluttered again at hearing her voice, deeply laced as it was with lust. What she did next, I could not believe. But what was even more unbelievable, was how it affected me and how my body reacted to it. Bella...growled...at...me!

"Grrr....." she whispered playfully, but deep with desire. My mouth curled up into a slight snarl, and my eyes glazed over. A light guttural growl escaped my mouth in reply to hers. There was no mistaking the desire in my growl. I was hungry – but not for her blood. I was hungry for Bella. I felt my hands ball up into fists now, as the sound of her playful, desirable growl lingered in my ears. The desire in me increased tenfold now. Oh God...she was the epitome of sexiness. She smiled smugly now, immensely satisfied at my reaction.

"Do you like when I growl Edward?" she asked me softly – playfully still. I licked my lips at the sound of her voice. She didn't wait for me to reply.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....." she began again, deeply and softly, longer this time, and my yearning body shuddered under the sound. My breath staggered now, and my head lolled to the side as my eyes began to roll back in my head. My mouth opened now, but no sound escaped. I was entirely focused on the sexy growl I'd just heard emanate from Bella's soft lips. I closed my eyes now, struggling to maintain control. My breathing slowed considerably as I wrestled with my own desire for Bella. Oh, I wanted Bella so much now. With great effort, I pushed the rapidly increasing hunger back down inside me.

I opened my eyes now, nodding furiously in reply to her, before I spoke. "Oh God yes Bella. I love it..." I admitted, frantic for breath. "But please...no more growling. Not right now. I can't take much more. Please love..." I begged.

Bella nodded, understanding. But she was grinning almost from ear to ear now. I had no doubt she was filing "Growling" under the "Things Edward likes" column in her mind. She was just so amazing, and the things she made me feel just made me love her all the more.

Her attention to my chest waned now, as she waited patiently for me to regain a higher degree of control. Instead of using her lips and mouth, she trailed her soft fingers lazily around my neck and chest. My breathing was becoming steadier now, my control returning to it's former levels. She continued to dance her fingers across my chest, and shoulder as my body once again was mine to control. I nodded to Bella now. "Thank you love. I'm...fine...now..." I said softly. Bella's eyes glinted mischievously as I spoke.

She caressed her way down my stomach, and traced each one of my abdominal muscles with her fingers. She began again, this time using her lips and tongue to lick and plant kisses around each one. My body was squirming under her loving lips and tongue. I felt Bella's hands on my the button on my jeans now. I tensed completely as her delicate fingers worked the button free. Oh God Bella...

My eyes were closed, and my other senses were sharper now. I could feel Bella's breath filling the air as her breathing increased now. Each delectable exhalation from her mouth flooded more of her wondrous scent around me. Her heart was racing in anticipation now – I could hear it's thunderous beat in my ears. And then I felt...Bella's hand work the zipper down slowly. I opened my eyes now, and saw the sweet rose coloured blush on my Bella's cheeks as she stared at me – her eyes wide with desire. She met my gaze, and her eyes never strayed from mine as she reached slowly between my legs. Her pulse was racing double time now as she neared my hardness. I was so hard for her now. I could feel my cock begging for release from the confines of my underwear. A few more seconds...

I felt Bella's fingers brush over the soft cotton of my underwear. Such a delicate touch, but it was driving me wild. My cock twitched and bobbed now, begging for release. Bella's eyes were devouring me as she watched my member strain against the tight fabric. She moved her face closer, and I watched with anticipation as she slowly moved her lips to within an inch of my twitching cock. Time seemed to stop as I waited for her to plant her lips on me. I felt them then...and my body shivered. She kissed up and down my length, through the fabric. "Oh God..." I whispered, as with each soft kiss she made me want her more and more.

Bella sighed then, at my whisper, and then I felt her hand running up and down me once more. She was teasing me now. I saw her delicate slender fingers move to the waistband now. Yes... She slowly pulled my underwear down, and my cock stood straight up now...free from it's cotton prison. It was twitching slightly, as if to entice my beloved brown haired, brown eyed vixen to touch it. Bella paused slightly, to remove my jeans and then underwear completely. Then her eyes returned to my cock. She reached out, and I felt her warm hand wrap around the base of my cool smooth shaft. The feeling was so exquisite. She sighed, and began moving her hand up and down slightly.

"I love you Edward..." she whispered.

"Oh God Bella. I love you too." I answered her.

"I love how hard you are Edward...." she continued. My head was moving from side to side as her rhythm up and down my shaft increased slightly.

"I love that you are so hard...for me..." she confessed in her deep husky voice. Her cheeks were hot now, as she spoke her realization aloud. It was true. I was hard for her. Hard for Bella. Oh Bella...I could never get hard for anyone else. It's for you. Only you. You are all I've ever wanted, and all I will ever need, I thought to myself. I'd waited almost 100 years for her. I could wait a thousand more, if only to feel her in my arms just once. I had to tell her.

"Bella..." I whispered. "You make me so hard Bella. You. Only you. I will never want anyone else but you..." I confessed. Bella let out a small moan as she processed my words.

"Oh Edward..." she whimpered softly in reply.

She slowed her rhythm now, and moved her beautiful face to my cock. The anticipation was almost unbearable. I was aching for her now. I wanted her so badly. I wanted Bella. She poked her tongue from her mouth, and inched it ever closer to me. I felt it's warmth on the head of my cock now, and my whole body trembled. Bella smiled at my reaction, and then I felt it's warm slickness move from the head and down my shaft. I was pulsing with desire now as I felt Bella's tongue on me. She licked down to the base of my cock, and I felt her tiny fingers running over my scrotum. I was speechless now. I couldn't moan, couldn't sigh, couldn't even growl. The feel of Bella's hands on my scrotum, and her tongue on my shaft was muting me with pleasure. She wrapped her fingers around my girth now, and I watched dumbfounded as she made her way to my scrotum and kissed it softly with her beautiful red lips. I felt a jolt of electricity shoot through my body as I felt her lips on me. She continued to pump my cock up and down slowly but surely as her mouth and lips worked their magic across my smooth scrotum. I saw her look up at me now, and she smiled. Oh God...what would she do next?

Her mouth opened wide, and she slowly engulfed half my scrotum with her lips. I could feel her mouth around my testicle now, and she sucked lightly. The warmth of her mouth around me sent my body trembling once more. My eyes fluttered rapidly as I watched her, and felt her amazing mouth and hands on me. I was in so much awe that this sweet lovable creature, was also so immeasurably sexy, and was rapidly becoming such a sexual expert. She moved to my other testicle now, and I watched it slowly disappear into her moist mouth. My eyes were glazing now at the sight, and the sensation. I could feel the soft gentle pressure of her mouth, and my cock was throbbing wildly now. Her tongue was moving now, lightly caressing the smooth skin of my scrotum as she continued to suck gently. I watched her amazed.

Bella smiled now, at my awestruck expression. She then moved back up to the head of my cock, and eyed me playfully. She knew what I wanted. I wanted her to tell me. My eyes begged her to do so.

"Edward...I want to...suck...your...cock..." she said slowly, sexily. I closed my eyes now, at her sexy confession. Oh Bella...the things you do to me. She continued now. "I love having you...in my mouth..." she admitted. My eyes scrunched closed tightly, and I struggled to bring my rapid breathing under control, as I heard Bella say the things I longed to hear. Yes Bella...please...I want to be in your mouth...

I felt her mouth engulf my cock now. I was in ecstasy as I felt her warm wet mouth take more and more of my quivering hardness inside. I filled her mouth now completely, and she let out a light moan. Her lips closed now, wrapping tightly around my cock. She sucked gently, and I could feel her cheeks hollowing as the pressure on my cock increased. I let out a moan as I felt her warmth so completely surround me. Bella began to move up and down slowly, keeping a steady pressure on my cock. I can't describe the feeling. It was beyond pleasure now. I watched her work her way up and down my shaft, and her excited moans and whimpers were evidence enough that she was enjoying it as much as I was. Her saliva was running down my shaft now, and pooling at the base of my cock. Her sucking became more intense, and my legs and arms were moving on their own as the pleasure only seemed to increase with each up and down movement of Bella's head.

She was cupping my scrotum now, and playing with it with her fingers, as her sucking became more pronounced. There was so much of her saliva, sloppy sounds were coming from her mouth as her tempo increased. She stopped then, and wrapped both of her hands around my shaft. She began twisting lightly in opposite directions with her hands using her ample saliva as lubricant. She continued to work on my shaft as her wanting lips found the head of my cock once more. She sucked on the head only now, and I could feel her tongue twirling over it as she applied a steady pressure with her lips and mouth. The combined effect of her hands, lips, and tongue was sending me spiraling towards the inevitable blissful release I needed so badly.

I closed my eyes now. Visions of Bella were in my mind as she worked expertly on my cock. Bella's lips. Bella's hands. Bella's face. Bella's breasts. Bella's panties. Oh God...Bella's essence. Taste Bella... I longed to be tasting her as she was tasting me.

"I'm close Bella..." I whispered. Oh God, I was so close. She increased the tempo now, and I could feel myself pass the point of no return. I felt the already pleasurable sensation inside me swell to epic proportions. It burned it's way through my body, frantic for release. I could feel my cock about to explode with pleasure. I heard my voice betray my hidden desires, before I realized I was even speaking.

"Oh Bella...I want to taste you. I want my tongue and lips on you. I want to taste you as you taste me. I want my tongue inside you...exploring every inch of you" I whispered. I was out of time now.

My release built up as it traveled up my shaft, and when I felt it reach the head of my cock, time and space had no more meaning. My whole body seemed to convulse with pleasure, and I was overcome with pure bliss as Bella milked me of my seed. I literally flooded her waiting mouth with my sex. I continued to pump my cum into her, and she did her best to take it all. I was overcome now, as my spasming testicles pumped stream after stream of my thick semen into Bella's welcoming mouth. The extreme euphoria finally began to wane, and I came down from my natural high. I lay still then, panting for breath, my shaft still in Bella's mouth. I opened my eyes then, and saw Bella eying me curiously – her eyes as wide as saucers. She reluctantly released my cock now, and wiped my excess seed from her lips. She cocked her head to the side before she spoke.

"Edward? What did you just say?" she asked, and I felt her heartbeat take off once more.

"Hmmm?" I answered her. Had I said anything? Oh yes, of course I did. I just wasn't meaning to say my desire out loud. Maybe she would think she imagined it. Yes, if I could play dumb...maybe dazzle her with my eyes, and convince her I hadn't said anything... It seemed like a good plan in theory, but I would never do that to Bella. As these ridiculous thoughts ran through my mind, she repeated the question. Time to face the consequences of my unintended vocal slip, I reckoned.

"Well...ah....you see Bella...." I began. Not good. I was getting flustered already. Why oh why couldn't I have just not said anything? This was another example of how my control seemed to weaken when under the influence of Bella's increasingly skilled mouth and hands, I thought to myself.

"Edward...you said..." she began softly, but her voice changed now. "You. Wanted. To. Taste. Me." she said with a deliberate sexy slowness. She had an incredulous look to her eyes now, and I wondered if she was realizing for the first time that I would ever feel like that towards her. It was a ludicrous idea to my mind. Logically, that would be the next step we would take, and why I was practicing so much with her underwear – not that Bella would ever find out about _that_. I had to be able to be in control when assaulted by her deliciously intoxicating aroma. How long it would take for that to happen, though, I wasn't sure.

"You want to taste me." she whispered breathlessly. Again – her voice slightly laced with surprise. Her voice was even deeper now, and her cheeks were coloured by a deliciously red blush. She seemed in complete amazement at my pleasure induced confession. A soft smile crossed her mouth now, and her eyes were looking at me with adoration. She was over the moon now as her mind considered the possibilities of the future, I was sure.

"Bella..." I began. "Of course I want to taste you. Eventually. I don't think my control is up to it at this time though." In fact, I was pretty sure it wasn't. It didn't matter to her though...just the idea that it could happen one day brought a twinkle to her eye, and an even deeper ruby shade to her cheeks. I could see her eyes narrow slightly, and I could imagine her mind working now, adding this to the list of possible things for us to try in the future.

"You really want to taste me...?" she repeated her voice still filled with wonder, but also anticipation. She wasn't speaking to me...just thinking out loud now. The words seemed to hang unmoving in the air. I squirmed a bit. Hearing her say the words over and over again was causing my mind to race with the idea as well. I pulled her close to me then, and she rested her head on my shoulder. Her strawberry scented shampoo filled my nostrils, and a feeling of peace and contentment filled us both as we lay there together.

She cuddled up to me now, her arm over my exposed chest. Our breathing began to return to normal. We lay still for a few more moments. I heard Bella speak then, and her eyes looked up to see into my own.

"I love you Edward. So much." she whispered.

"I love you too Bella. You are...my life" I replied.

She sighed at that. Another moment passed. I felt her heartbeat increase slightly.

"Edward?" she said quietly.

"Yes Bella?" I answered immediately.

"I want you to taste me too." she admitted, blushing once more as she spoke her desire aloud. My eyelids fluttered again at her words, and the thought. "Eventually." she qualified after only a seconds pause – a grin on her face.

Bella searched my face now, and I saw her beautiful brown eyes lose a shade of brightness, and the smoky look returned once more. I raised my eyebrow at her. The mischievous glint reappeared in her eyes just then. I braced myself. "Grrr...." she growled softly once more, and then giggled. Oh God Bella... My desperate lips met hers then - giving her no more reason to speak at all...

**A/N: Okay, so looks like it was another Edward POV, and another steamy scene. I wanted to give those of you who like the EPOV's a little bit of insight into how he was feeling. I guess my lil rule about switching POV's is out the window now. Heh. Hope you all enjoyed it. I wrote this a few hours after I uploaded the last chapter, So Much in Love, but don't have internet now, so probably won't be able to upload it for another 2 or 3 days. :_( I'll start writing Chapter 25(!!!) in the meantime. ;-) I'm not sure what it will be about though. LoL I'll have to think about it. Thanks to all who read and review. **

**Oh by the way, my absolute favourite part of this chapter is when Bella growls at Edward, and his reaction. LoL! Grrrr! ;-)**


	25. Wanting Edward

**Chapter 25: Wanting Edward**

For the last few days my mind was occupied by one thing. Well – two things, I corrected myself. First, and foremost, as always - was Edward. No surprise there. Second, was what he had said a few nights ago. He'd confessed that he wanted to taste me. Even now, the thought caused my pulse to race, and I got lightheaded. I steadied myself against the dresser in my room. Finally, after a few shaky seconds, I made my way to the desk. I sat in the chair, and took a deep breath. I was in sad shape, I realized. Just the thought of Edward tasting me between my legs had caused me to nearly lose my already shaky balance. How would I react during the deed I wondered to myself. My brain and body would most likely turn to mush, I noted, only somewhat amused.

I recalled the events leading up to his unexpected revelation. I'd had him in my mouth. I flushed now, at the thought. Oh God...the feeling. The way Edward felt in my mouth was almost indescribable. It always filled me with a sense of wonder, but also lust. Being so close to him, in that way, having a part of him actually inside me – my senses felt overwhelmed by his already powerful presence. And when he came...! Oh God...to taste Edward. The feeling was pure ecstasy. It was literally and figuratively like drinking love. Endless love and joy passed through me when I had Edward's seed in my mouth. It was such a powerful, and potent feeling.

Just as I'd been about to make him cum, he'd confessed he wanted to taste me. I heard the words as I bobbed up and down on his quivering member, and it took a second or two to process them, involved as I was at that moment, I now noted amused. By that time, Edward was already having his orgasm, and I did my best to prolong it with my all too eager mouth. When his pleasure wave passed, it really did hit me what he'd confessed a moment earlier. I knew he must not have been in complete control when he spoke those words. Not that I was worried at the time. I secretly expected tiny lapses in his control on occasion, especially as the frequency and duration of our practice sessions increased. Not that I would admit that to Edward, I thought slyly. I could live with minor slips in control – if it meant our practice sessions would continue. Edward's vocal slip was just another example of less than perfect control on his part, but still okay in my books.

Now his words seemingly floated in my mind. They seemed to hang in the air, my mind and body unwilling to let them go.

"Oh Bella...I want to taste you. I want my tongue and lips on you. I want to taste you as you taste me. I want my tongue inside you...exploring every inch of you" Those were Edwards words, recalled with perfect clarity now. I'd never forget them. My breath was coming faster now, and I blushed. Oh Edward...I want that too. I want your lips and tongue on me. Oh please...taste me. A shiver ran down my spine at the thought. My imagination began to take over now...

(Bella's imagination at work)

I lay on my bed gazing at Edward. I was completely naked now. Edward was looking at me with love and adoration in his eyes. I locked my eyes with his. Those wonderful golden orbs were shining at me, and his smooth lips were curled up into a slight smile as he gazed at my face.

"I love you Edward..." I whispered.

My breathing came faster, and my cheeks coloured pink as he looked over my body before he replied.

"I love you Bella. Always and forever..." he whispered. I sighed. Oh Edward...love me completely. Love me with your mind, your body, and your soul. Love me the way I love you. It's all I want Edward – for us to love each other in every possible way. Edward moved to me now, and lay beside me...his face next to mine.

"You are all I want and need, now and always." he whispered softly. My eyelids fluttered at his words, and I closed them for a moment. I felt his light touch on my cheek now, and reopened my eyes to gaze at my Angel.

His perfectly white teeth were formed into a radiant smile now. He began running his fingers lightly down my neck. The feeling was heavenly. I moaned softly under his expert touch. The icy fingers ran over my exposed skin, and my head rolled to the side. My breathing was coming faster now, as I felt my nipples harden as Edward reached my breasts. I let out a gasp as he took one in his mouth. My legs began moving back and forth now, no longer under my control. Edward moved to my other breast, and copied his earlier attentions. Another gasp escaped my lips as he enveloped my hard nipple with his cold mouth. I was struggling to breathe now. He continued working over my quivering body...touching and licking my breasts and stomach. Occasionally his fingers would replace his tongue, and trace over my skin lazily. It didn't matter which – I shivered under every way Edward would touch me. An inner heat was smouldering inside me now. I could feel my inner thighs wet with my excitement as Edward lovingly touched me. My eyes were smoky now, fueled with an inner lust and desire. My eyes pleaded with Edward to not stop at my waist.

He leaned close to me. I felt his sweet icy breath on my face. His voice was little more than a whisper.

"Bella..." he began. I moaned slightly as he said my name. "I want..." he continued. My heart began to race, and I felt my pink cheeks get even hotter now. Please Edward...say it. Tell me that you know what I want. Oh please Edward... His smile widened as his keen senses noted my increased breathing, heartbeat, and the deepening blush on my cheeks.

"...to taste you..." he finished, gazing into my smouldering eyes now. My eyelids drooped slightly at his words, and my lip trembled. My chest heaved now, as I heard those words. My body began to shake lightly, overwhelmed with anticipation at what I had just heard. I tried to speak, but couldn't find volume for my voice. Edward moved effortlessly down the bed, and I looked at him dumbfounded. Was this really happening? As if to answer my silent question, Edward began caressing his icy fingers across the skin by my left ankle. He began to trace patterns up my leg, which seemed to send my internal body temperature into the stratosphere. From my ankle...he worked slowly up my shin, and across my knee. My eyes were already wide as he danced his way up my upper leg. When I felt the icy digits on my thigh, my eyes closed tightly. Oh God...I couldn't take much more of this. He ran along my outer thigh, and then worked his way back down slightly. I knew what was coming. I opened my eyes once more. Edward gazed between my legs. His breathing was heavier now too as he stared at my slick slit. My inner thighs were already wet with my excitement.

Edward started again at my knee and began to work up my leg...concentrating on the inner side this time. As soon as he got to my inner thigh, my legs opened without my conscious thought. The soft caresses inched their way closer and closer to my center. My body was quivering now – trembling for release. So close...Edward's fingers were only an inch or two from being exactly between my legs. I watched fascinated as he ran his fingers through the wetness on my inner thigh. He moved his finger slowly to his face. He looked at it amused, as the tiniest drop of my sex ran down his finger. He moved it to his mouth, and I watched in amazement as his tongue ran over his finger, devouring my essence in an instant. Edward's eyes closed, and he shivered in ecstasy now. He was perfectly still for several seconds then, savouring the taste – savouring me, I realized. Then his eyes opened, and he smiled. His eyes were blazing with a golden fire now.

He moved to my other leg, and began the same pattern again. One thing about Edward – he was thorough in his foreplay. He never rushed. He always paid attention to each part of my yearning body. His fingers ran up that leg, across my outer thigh, then back down, and up my inner thigh. He tasted another drop of my excitement from that thigh too. I couldn't move now – so engrossed was I at watching Edward explore my body, and loving every second of it. He trembled now as he tasted another drop of me, and then savoured it as before. I thought he would move between my legs now, but I was wrong. It didn't matter – I knew it would come eventually. And the way I felt now as Edward worked so thoroughly on my lower body, the same way he had done with my upper, left me gasping for breath once more.

Edward began using his tongue now. Instead of his fingers trailing up my legs – he used his icy tongue to run patterns across my soft skin. I didn't handle this as well. Instead of softly moaning, and gently moving under his licks, my body squirmed and my head thrashed from side to side. Oh God...how much more could I take? My whole inner body was being consumed by a ravenous inferno, it seemed.

Edward's tongue was on my inner thigh now, working it's way slowly to my very center. My juices were freely flowing, as he licked his way across my damp skin. He shuddered and sighed as the evidence of my desire began disappeared into his mouth. I did the same – shuddering, sighing, trembling, squirming, all of it as he moved closer and closer... I closed my eyes now. I couldn't watch – the anticipation was driving me wild. I felt my body convulse and shake on it's own as Edward meticulously crept closer and closer to my most intimate place.

Edward hovered now between my legs. His eyes met mine. He arched his eyebrow questioningly. Oh God Edward...please...lick me. Taste me. Suck me... Whatever you want Edward...just do it now before my body explodes - my mind was imploring him now. He continued to hover between my legs.

"Tell me..." he whispered softly, barely audible over my pounding heartbeat. Oh God...he wanted me to say it.

"Taste me Edward..." I replied hoarsely. I could barely speak, but continued. "Please Edward. Lick, touch, taste...me. Love me..." I begged him.

"Always Bella. Forever and ever..." he reminded me, and then I finally felt his tongue on me. I gasped.

Edwards tongue ran up and down my outer lips. It's icy chill did nothing to put out the raging fire there now. I couldn't breathe. My body tried to make sense of the overwhelming sense of pleasure between my legs. Edward's tongue ran over my glistening labia slowly at first. Each loving lick effected me more than the previous. My body struggled to stay still, but it was a losing effort. My legs opened and closed faster now. Edward inhaled deeply now, and I saw his body tremble as my desire assaulted all his senses. I could see my wetness on his cheeks and lips, he had me on his tongue, he smelled my scent, his eyes were between my thighs now. His amazing senses were devouring me, literally.

I felt Edward's icy fingers on my labia now. My head popped up – a reaction to the cold touch. My heart stuttered as I felt his hands spread my lips apart. My glistening pink inner lips were completely exposed to Edward now. Oh God...I can't take it. It's too good. No one can ever survive this much pleasure.

Edwards tongue found my soft inner lips now. Can't breathe! My eyes were frozen open, and my back arched under Edward's playful licks. His tongue ran up and down each one in turn, and then again...and again...and again. He took a soft lip in his mouth lightly, and pulled softly. I shuddered. He did the same with the other, and my body mimicked it's earlier reaction.

Edward's hand moved to my clit now. I was so aroused, so excited. My sensitive button had already poked free from it's shielding hood. I felt the cool touch of Edward's fingertip dance across my clitoris. My body flinched under the icy cold caress. My body began to jerk uncontrollably as he rolled his fingers, already slick with my juices, over it. I moaned, I sighed, I panted, as with each touch my impending orgasm loomed closer.

Edward's fingers kept the soft petals of my inner lips apart now. His other hand was playing back and forth lightly over my clit. And his tongue...oh God...his tongue ran up and down between my inner lips. It was beyond ecstasy now. Edward's icy tongue licked my slick folds, and then just when I thought I couldn't take anymore...I felt his tongue probe deeper. It's cold touch moved inside me now...and I felt it's iciness penetrate me. Edward's tongue continued to probe and lick inside my very being as his hand worked over my clit.

"Edward..." I whispered, hardly able to talk. "Almost...there..." I gasped.

Instantly, Edward changed the positions of his mouth and hands. I felt his icy finger rubbing up and down my slit, between my inner lips. I felt his tongue and lips on my clit then. Oh God...is this a dream? Can anyone feel this much pleasure, and have it be real? Edward's finger entered me then, and I seemed to freeze for an instant. The sensation stunned me. I felt his icy finger's hardness inside me, as his icy soft tongue worked over my clit. He began to move in and out now, penetrating me again and again with his finger. My inner walls clamped tightly around his finger – unwilling to let him go. I shuddered under the feeling. Two fingers now. Oh my...! He took my clit in his mouth then, and lightly sucked on it. The pressure of his mouth increased now, as did the tempo of his fingers.

"I'm gonna...cum..." I moaned.

Edward's hand began a furious pace now, moving so fast in and out. His tongue swirled over my clit relentlessly, and I felt myself pass the point of no return as Edward's fingers and tongue moved in a blur before my eyes.

Every part of my body spasmed now. I felt my love muscles spasm around Edward's frantic fingers. My orgasm overtook my body. The pleasure that had been building and building merely intensified beyond measurable proportions. Nothing else mattered now. The ecstasy centered around my clitoris exploded now, bathing me with an almost infinite sense of euphoria. It traveled through me, as my body tried to deal with the massive overload. I was aware I was screaming Edward's name, my body was thrashing around, every muscle seemingly beyond my own control. I came, and I came and I came...! I didn't think I would ever stop cumming as Edward's hands and mouth worked their magic on me. My juices were gushing out of my spasming core, as my orgasm tore through my body relentlessly. Eventually, the intensity diminished, and my head came down from the stars. I lay panting for breath, with my eyes closed. I was whimpering softly now, at the intensity of the experience, and little tremors still seemed to run through my body sporadically. I could feel tears of joy and happiness rolling down my cheeks. And then, it was over. A feeling of complete contentment filled me now, and I let out a long sigh. I opened my eyes.

Edward was gazing at me – his lips turned into a beautiful smile. I smiled back at him, unable to do much else. My body was still having trouble listening to my mental commands. I trembled all over, and still fought to catch my breath.

Edward moved to me now, not saying anything. His eyes, and his face said it all. His eyes radiated intense love as he gazed at me. I continued to smile weakly at Edward. I didn't trust my voice. Speaking – it seemed too much effort for my spent body. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me close to him. I heard his voice then.

"Bella...I love you." he whispered into my ear. I felt him pull me tighter to his body now as he spoke in his soft melodic whisper.

"I love you too Edward..." I replied, my voice barely above a whisper. Oh God...my body felt completely drained – even that weak reply seemed to tax my body's depleted energy reserves. He held me for several minutes while my body gradually recovered from the overwhelming orgasm. Once my breathing returned to normal, he moved to my ear. I felt his icy breath now as I heard his soft musical voice in my ear.

"Ready for Round Two?" he asked playfully, laughing as my eyes opened wide...

(End Bella's imagination at work)

My eyes were glazed over now. My cheeks were red hot, as my wild imaginings still ran through my mind. Oh God...could that really happen I wondered to myself. I had no doubt that having Edward taste me would be nothing short of amazing. I knew his control was not up to it right now...but I hoped it would be someday. Edward did too. The thought made me so happy, and filled me with a sense of longing for what the future held for us.

But for now, I couldn't shake the images in my mind. The thoughts in my head - they were still running rampant. All the visions and images of Edward's mouth and tongue on me – tasting me, had aroused me beyond all measure now. I moved to my closet, and took down a stack of folded clothes. I pulled out the hidden object from under some of the garments, and smiled. It was the purple vibrator Alice had given me weeks ago. I hadn't used it since that night Edward had "caught" me, but I needed release now. My body trembled as I began removing my clothes. A minute later, a trail of my discarded clothes led from the closet to my bed. I laid back on my bed naked now, and turned the vibrator onto it's medium setting. The fake cock jerked and danced in my hand. I smiled to myself in anticipation of the release that would soon come. This was going to feel so good...

**A/N: ;-) Wow. 25 Chapters already. This story is a lot longer than I thought it would be originally. It's 99 full pages in MSWord!!! Slightly less than that in OpenOffice format – Maybe 85 or so with that program. And, apparently it is nowhere near complete. Edward's been to second base, and Bella has gone down on Edward. There is so much more I have to include in this story before they finally get to the point where they make love. **

**Oh, that brings me to another point I was thinking about! They will be making love. Duuuh! LoL Let me explain though. Yes it will be sex, and there will be some dirty talk of course, but it's going to be sweet and gentle, and caring – but passionate, breathless, and frantic at the same time. The reason I mention this, was because I was thinking about that somewhat distant chapter yesterday. I was wondering what Bella's first time, indeed first few times with Edward might be like. I imagine it being a lot like how their sexual relationship has evolved in this story so far. That evolution is roughly how I imagine their first time too. Lots of blushing, pulses racing, all the shyness and awkwardness of having never done it before – but willing to try. They soon discover they are good at it, and that all their fear and nervousness was misplaced. It's love! You can't make a mistake when making love! Edward and Bella – this relationship – their feelings, they fascinate me. They really do. **

**  
Another point I was thinking about recently. Yes I know – stupidly long Author's Note again. But I feel I could write not only this story, but also pages and pages of why I love their relationship, and why I write them the way I do. LoL. Sigh! Okay, so back to my point. This one has to do with Bella, and her desire to make love with Edward. She isn't your typical horny teenager. (No offense to any teens reading this! lol) Yes, Bella has desires, and urges – but she acts on them with great love. To me, most of what she wants or does revolves to some degree over her overwhelming love for Edward. Yes she wants Edward, but it's so that she can make him feel good, and let him know how much she loves him. Similarly, when she wants Edward to taste her or explore her body– it's because she wants him to let her know how much he loves her. Loving with mind, soul, and body. She knows they already have the first two(although Edward would maybe argue "the soul" part. lol) – she just wants the last. He wants to do the same with her, his control complication issues aside... They want to increase their physical relationship because they love each other, and want to **_love _**each other. Although this story is called The Desire Within Us, it isn't so much about the desire they feel, although that is certainly present – it's about their love. Always, their love...**

**Oh yeah, that title - I chose it when I started writing. I originally expected this story to be relatively short, until I discovered the joy of actually writing their journey – rather than simply rushing right to the end. LoL Honestly, at the beginning I just wanted to write about Bella making love. I had a plan about Bella and Edward giving into their overwhelming desire for each other early. That's why I started the story, but the first chapter was just supposed to be a little introduction into the characters etc and then jump quickly into a Bella seduces Edward type chapter or vice versa. My original plan definitely became more than that with all the twists and turns, and complications of their relationship. I found out early on, that I actually wanted a deeper, more memorable story, rather than a quick and dirty one-shot. **

**Okay, I'll shut up now. ;-) I could write more about it, but this A/N is ridiculously rambling already. If anyone wants to discuss Edward and Bella's relationship - as written in this story, or the official saga – just send me a PM with your thoughts, etc. I **_will_** get back to you - just be prepared for me to talk my fool head off about it. ;) **


	26. An Unexpected Visit

**Chapter 26: An Unexpected Visit**

**A/N: Special thanks to raybabiieex3, who helped give me the idea for this chapter. :)**

I was in my room studying. It wasn't working so well. I tried to focus on my trigonometry homework, but it was a losing battle. I had a test in a few days, and knew I was dreadfully under prepared for it. The numbers, mathematical laws, and trigonometric identities seemingly flitted through my mind like it was a sieve. Who could possibly remember how or why Sine2 + Cosine2 = 1, when all I could focus on was Edward and I making love someday. I sighed. 1+1=1? I laughed to myself at the ridiculous and implausible mathematic conclusion I'd formed in my mind. But I did want us, Edward and I, to be one – in every sense of the word. Bella's Law! - I thought to myself as I doodled the ridiculous equation on a scrap piece of paper. I heard my dad's voice voice now, calling to me from downstairs.

"Bella? Edward's sister is here to see you..." my dad called out.

My face broke out into a huge smile now. Alice! Just what I needed to distract me from all the confusing numbers floating around in my head. A sweet, excitable, fidgety, pixie faced vampire was just what I needed. I closed my books, and rumbled down the stairs quickly. I was about to hurl myself into her arms, when I skidded to a stop suddenly, surprise clearly evident on my face. My face blanched then, and my eyes opened wide. Her golden voice rang through the air then like the sweetest chorus of Angels.

"Hello Bella..." Rosalie said somewhat cordially. Her head cocked to the side slightly then, and her eyes studied the expression on my face.

I stared at her now, unable to speak. Rosalie was breathtakingly beautiful. More beautiful than even Alice, or Esme. Not that those other vampires were not beautiful, but they were not Rosalie. No one could be as beautiful as Rosalie! Her long honey hair hung down to her shoulder with not a single strand out of place, and her golden eyes shone like the sun. Her ruby red lips were absolutely perfect, and contrasted starkly with the paleness of her creamy smooth skin. She always wore tight, but tasteful clothing, and the garments hugged her body – revealing her perfect form. She waited for me to answer her. I blinked, and then my lips started to work again.

"Rosalie?" I asked - complete surprise in my voice. Was this a dream? If it was...it was definitely a nightmare. My stomach began knotting up now, at this completely unexpected visit from Edward's other sister.

Rosalie laughed softly now. Her laugh echoed through the kitchen like a sweet melody. She threw her head back as she continued to laugh softly at my reaction to her. My mind was racing now. Oh God...what was Rosalie doing here? I did not feel comfortable around her at all. Our relationship could politely be called awkward or strained. Honestly, it was almost non-existent. It wasn't that she was the most beautiful looking person – human or vampire included – that I'd ever seen. Although, that did make me feel a bit self conscious about my own – to me - plain features. The rest of the Cullens had welcomed me into their house, and thought of me as family as soon as Edward decided to pursue a relationship with me. Well, all of them except the vampire who now stood in my kitchen eying me closely. I gulped, and looked around nervously. I always felt so small and insignificant around her. Sometimes - the way she looked at me, after Edward brought me back to the Cullen's house...I knew she considered me a threat to their secret way of life. I wasn't one of them.

"Surprised?" she said in a mocking tone. Then she shook her head apologetically at her unintended slight to me. "I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to make it sound like that. It's just..."

"A habit?" I blurted out, finishing her sentence for her. I was slightly annoyed at this breathtakingly beautiful vampire standing in my kitchen, who was even now making me feel so small. My eyes opened wider then. Oh God...did I say that out loud!? I didn't even realize my lips were moving until I heard my own tiny voice in the air! My pulse quickened, but I was finding it hard to breathe now. How could I have said that to Rosalie!

Rosalie's eyes narrowed slightly. She didn't say anything immediately, as she considered my words. She shook her head again slowly, understanding growing in her fiercely golden eyes now.

"Fair enough..." she whispered in her soft delicate voice. She looked at me somewhat sadly now, her golden eyes dimming as I watched. She explained now what she had been about to say before I interrupted her.

"But no...." she said finally. "It's just...this is a bit uncomfortable for me as well." she explained. My cheeks went pink now, at my unintended outburst only a half moment ago.

We stood looking at each other, not sure what else to say. We were alone now, Rosalie and I, for probably the first time since we'd known each other. Charlie must have disappeared at the beginning of our conversation – retreating into the living room to watch sports, blissfully unaware of the tension that hung in the air between Rosalie and I. I hadn't even seen him leave – so completely taken away was I by Rosalie's presence. Rosalie broke our awkward silence.

"Bella...take a walk with me..." she said finally, and extended her hand towards me. I looked at it blankly, not sure if I had heard her correctly, or not. Rosalie smirked at my hesitation, and then she rolled her eyes, and let out a puff of air with her impatience. "Come on Bella. I won't _bite_"she said with a wink. We both knew the real meaning of that seemingly innocent sounding joke. I continued to stare at her hand – my body unable to move. I tried to speak, but nothing happened. Rosalie's expression softened then. My mind was racing now, trying to figure out why Rosalie of all people was here, and what she could possibly want with me.

"Please Bella?" she implored me. My mind snapped back to reality. I blinked. I looked at her confused.

"Oh!" I said, blushing at my own hesitation. It wasn't that I was _afraid_ of her hurting me really. If that were the case, Alice would have seen it. But just because she might not be planning to physically hurt me – didn't make me feel any more secure about this situation. But, she was Edward's sister, and she had something to say obviously, so I had no choice. My hand moved to hers then. Rosalie turned now, her hand still in mine, and walked to the door. Her fingers were cold like Edwards, and delicate of course...but even more so if possible. Their smoothness felt like liquid silk, if there could ever be such a thing.

"I'm going for a walk with Rosalie dad. I will be back soon." My voice broke slightly. At least, I hoped I would be back soon. My dad answered with a nod, and Rosalie looked at me as she heard the change in my voice – her eyebrow raised. She smiled then, and the full force of her perfectly white teeth, radiant red lips and intensely golden eyes hit me. I blinked again, dazzled, as she led me outside.

Once outside, we turned towards the woods. My heart was thumping madly now. Rosalie continued to look straight ahead, as we walked side by side, her hand still locked with mine. Neither of us said anything. Truthfully, I didn't know what to say. Rosalie and I had only rarely talked, and I didn't know all that much about her other than the fact she was Edward's sister, and liked to work on cars, and that she didn't seem to like me very much. Of all the Cullens, I knew the least about her.

I looked at the trees now, as the brush began to get thicker. The woods began to get slightly darker now, as we moved inwards. Suddenly, Rosalie stopped. I looked around. My heart was in my throat now, and I fought back tears. My hands trembled, and I blinked frantically to stop from sobbing. To my surprise, it was actually working. Rosalie had brought me to the one place I never wanted to ever see again. I knew this place – and hated it. This was where Edward had talked to me before leaving the first time. I'd never forget this place, ever, although I tried so many times to forget it. This was the place I'd had my life, and my heart shattered. I'd never been back to this spot since that day. It held too many horrible memories for me. How many nightmares had I had about that day, and this place, I wondered. Too many. I wondered briefly if Rosalie had chose this spot on purpose, or it was just coincidence? Rosalie studied me quizzically now, analyzing my body's reactions. She seemed surprised. Maybe she didn't know the coincidence of inadvertently choosing this place. Or maybe she did, and was just surprised I was keeping myself together – barely. Rosalie then motioned to a fallen log which was covered with light green growth.

"Let's sit, shall we?" she said courteously, motioning to the log with her hand. I moved to the log and sat down. Rosalie followed me, and sat down herself. She sat only inches beside me, staring straight ahead. Being so close to her, I was overcome with her lovely scent. It seemed to exude from every possible part of her body, filling my head with the sweet scent of flowers, and honey. I found my eyelids starting to get heavy under the intoxicating aroma. They snapped open when Rosalie spoke again.

"Bella..." she began in her Angel soft voice. "I guess it's no secret, that I've never liked you."

I didn't know what to say. My already rapid pulse quickened at her words. My eyes hung low now, eying my hands. I ran them back and forth over each other nervously. I already knew that. Rosalie knew that I knew. Why was she saying it? I couldn't figure out where this conversation was going, and it had only just begun!

"But what I am going to tell you now...is why." she said, still not looking at me. I gulped, and my breath came faster at her words.

"At first, it was because when Edward saved you that day – he put us all in grave danger. He could have exposed us for what we were. Everything that we'd done, and the secret we fought so hard to protect could have been completely undone in that instant. It angered me. I hated how selfish Edward had been just to save a human girl." she said, her voice sounding menacing.

"I wanted to kill you." she said softer now, and she watched me from the corner of her eye for my reaction. I gasped out loud, stunned at what she was saying. She turned to face me then, seemingly searching for a hint of sympathy in my eyes. "You knew our secret. Well not all of it of course, but you knew we definitely were hiding something, and that we were not normal. You could have told someone – bringing attention to us. But you didn't" she explained now her reasoning, in her original softer tones.

I couldn't speak. My eyes were wide now at how easily Rosalie had spoken of taking my life to protect her, and her family. My hands trembled. Rosalie glanced at my hands now and took one in her own icy palm. The gesture must have been meant as one of comfort, but it did nothing to ease how I felt. Rosalie continued to look straight ahead once more.

"That seems like a long time ago Bella." she said, still gazing into the trees. "I know now that you would never reveal us to anyone. I do know that. I've known it for a while." she said, fighting for the right words. She seemed conflicted. Either about what she was saying, or something else I didn't know.

"But...if you know..." I heard myself whisper. I didn't finish. I wanted to say "then why do you still seem to hate me?" but I couldn't. My throat constricted. Rosalie knew what I was going to say. She hung her head slightly, thinking about my unasked question. She sighed now in frustration.

"Bella, do you remember when you, Edward and Alice returned from Italy?"she asked me.

Of course I remembered! It was after Edward had thought I was dead, and had went to Volterra to talk to the Volturi to end his life. He said he would not exist in a world without me – and he meant to carry that promise out completely. I shuddered at the thought of a world without Edward. It had been Rosalie who had called Edward to let him know that I had killed myself. I knew now that it had been a misunderstanding. Alice had seen me jump from the cliff, which was what had brought her back to Forks. When Rosalie talked to Edward, she told him about Alice's vision, and then when Edward had called my dad to investigate the claim – Jacob had told him that Charlie was at the funeral. It was the funeral of a family friend however, Harry Clearwater, but Edward had heard enough to convince him that Alice's vision had been true.

When we got off the plane, Rosalie asked me to forgive her. I did without hesitation. It was a miscommunication, after all. I had meant it too, but it didn't seem to have thawed our relationship very much.

For all my mind's rapid movement through those events, all I could reply with was "Yes."

"You risked your life to save Edward. It could easily have cost you your own life, but you did it. You saved my brother that day..." she said in a whisper. "So I could never doubt your sincerity about keeping our secret. I _know_ how much you love Edward, and how much he loves you." she finished sincerely now.

My mind was swimming through a torrent of questions now. I still had no idea where this was going, or why now, all of the sudden, Rosalie was telling me all of this. I wondered briefly if Edward or the rest of the Cullens knew Rosalie was here.

"I do love Edward. I love...all of your family..." I said barely above a whisper. I meant it. Edward's family was like my own. I knew that they already thought of me as a daughter, and a sister. Well, all except Rosalie. But even as I thought that, my mind wondered what Rosalie was trying to say now.

"I know you love us. _All_ of us." she said sadly. She emphasized the word "all". She looked at me now, and I saw the carefully placed mask in her eyes crack ever so slightly. "Even though some of us do not deserve it..." she said in a voice so low that I could barely hear it.

She stood up now, and walked a few feet towards the woods. She turned then, gracefully of course, and eyed me up and down.

"Bella...I want you to know something." she said, in her Angelic voice. "This is NOT easy for me to say, but it is something important for you to know, so that you may understand." Her voice faltered slightly as she spoke. I definitely knew that whatever it was that Rosalie was going to say, was going to cost her. I leaned toward her subconsciously now, waiting for her to speak. I was completely engrossed now with what she was going to tell me.

"Carlisle created Edward, and he created Esme shortly after. Esme was to be Carlisle's companion. I was created next...to be...a companion for Edward." she began, letting out a long breath after she spoke. I didn't move, and didn't speak. This much of the story I already knew.

"But Edward only ever thought of me as a sister. He..._rejected_...my advances toward him to be something more." she said now, with a hint of bitterness in her voice. I knew this too. Edward had told me that originally Rosalie was to be his companion.

"At first I was annoyed. Annoyed and angry. Me. ME! I...Rosalie Hale was rejected! I could not believe it." she said, her eyes looking far away now, as she remembered the events in her mind. "But as the years passed, the sting of that rejection diminished. Edward never sought another, and I found Emmett, and Carlisle changed him into a companion for me." she said now, stilling looking unseeing into the woods.

"Esme was worried about Edward. She thought something was wrong with him – that he was changed too early. He didn't seem to want or need companionship the way the rest of us did. He was happy with his family, of course, but did not seem to require more."

"Edward lived almost 90 years without a companion. The rejection I felt so many years ago, completely faded. Edward had not rejected me, I reasoned. He simply did not want to be with anyone." she continued, and then she looked at me. Her eyes sharpened.

"And then – a brown haired, brown eyed, accident prone girl came to Forks..." she trailed off, but her eyes were accusing now.

I realized where this was going now. I could not believe it. Rosalie nodded slightly to me.

"You see now?" she asked me, her eyes like golden slits. I could only nod in reply. I was too stunned to speak.

"I'm a proud woman Bella. A vain, proud woman." she said with a hiss, but also with a hint of regret - her hands clenching as she spoke. She moved slowly to me then, until she was only inches from my face. Hey eyes were ringed with black. The once radiant gold, was now more like a clouded yellowish haze. She snarled now, her lips curling up to reveal her razor sharp teeth. My eyes opened wide, and my pulse thundered through my body at the ferocity she displayed now.

"Rosalie Hale does NOT come in second place!" she bellowed loudly. I shrank back from the full force and volume of her voice. It was like being next to a church bell ringing – so loud, but so beautiful all at once. Her voice continued to echo through the woods, as if to affirm the truth of her words. Oh God...was she going to kill me?! My heart skipped now.

She took a step back now, and her face relaxed, and became slightly sad once more. She took several slow breaths in and out, and I saw her eyes return to their original golden hue. The tone of her voice softened as well.

"At least I didn't until that day...." she finished with a bittersweet smile on her face. She looked down at the ground now, embarrassed by her sudden outburst. She lifted her head after a few seconds, and stared intently at me. To my amazement, she smiled at me. Then she reached her silky smooth hand towards me now, and I stared unbelieving as she ran it softly down my cheek. I shuddered under the graceful caress. My eyelids became heavy once more, and for a second I forgot how to breathe. She huffed to herself slightly indignantly - I felt her sweet vampire breath flooding across my face. "I guess it's not so bad, after all – coming in second place" she said after a seconds pause. "You do have a...certain...beauty" she finished out loud as her finger ran across my soft skin. I blinked now at her words.

My mind was racing again. Second place? Rosalie thought she came in second place to me? I couldn't believe it. She was so beautiful! There was no way that would ever happen.

"Rosalie...you're wrong." I said whisper quiet. She cocked her head slightly, listening, but surprised as she heard my voice.

"There's no comparison Rosalie..." I said turning my pale cheeks slightly pink as I did. I looked her up and down, and my hand followed my eyes. "Just look at yourself Rosalie. You're _you! _And...I'm just... me..." I said lamely as if that explained everything.

She shook her head back and forth slightly. She smiled bittersweetly at me now once more. "I know Bella. There _is_ no comparison...in Edward's mind." she added with a hint of defeat to her voice.

She sat down beside me, and looked at me again. "I'm sorry I've been so hard on you Bella. I will try not to be so hard in the future. It's just that, well...you now know why I act the way I do. Every time I look at you, I'm reminded of that rejection so long ago." she said apologetically. "But I will try..." she promised me. I nodded at her – it was all I could do.

I was numbed now. Numbed by Rosalie's confession, and her revelation about her feelings of being rejected by Edward. And as if that wasn't enough for my mind to struggle with, she considered herself second to me, even if it was only from Edward's point of view. Rosalie was jealous that I had managed to win Edward's heart when she could not! To Rosalie, that must have cost her dearly to admit that to me. I knew she was happy with Emmett, and that she did in fact love him, but that she still remembered that rejection from Edward after all these years amazed me. Even if I didn't really believe I would ever be second to Rosalie, the fact that _she_ believed it was staggering to me. I was still thinking about all this when I heard her suddenly speak.

"We will be like sisters one day..." she said softly, and took my hand once more. "Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next year...but someday. We'll have centuries and more to work on it..." she said with her eyes far away now, a slight grin on her face. My heart began racing. Rosalie was the only one to vote against my immortality when I'd brought the decision to them regarding Edward's promise to the Volturi that he would change me into a vampire one day. His assurance of that decision allowed me to keep my life, even knowing the Cullens secret. But she seemed to accept it more now than I would have originally thought. We stayed quiet for a moment - each of us silently reflecting on the recent moments. Rosalie's head snapped up now.

"So!" she spoke suddenly, and clapped her hands together as she spoke. I flinched away from her, surprised. She lowered her voice a bit now, and laughed at my reaction. "I hear you and Edward are attempting to increase your physical relationship?" she said with the hint of a smile.

I turned red immediately, and looked anywhere I could except into Rosalie's probing eyes. Rosalie laughed once more. "Believe me Bella, I have a lot of expertise in that area. If you want...I could...help you...?" she offered hesitantly, trailing off – unsure if I would take her up on her offer.

My eyes opened wide now. Was Rosalie going to give me sex advice? Wow. I never would have thought this day would ever happen. But maybe this was Rosalie's way of attempting to make up for her past behaviour? An attempt to bridge the gap between us? I wasn't sure, but I had a feeling that things would be different between Rosalie and I from now on. She was right though, sweeping changes wouldn't happen over night, but they would happen eventually. She said that one day we would be like sisters! I smiled internally now, strangely happy at the thought of being closer to Rosalie.

I found myself nodding in reply to Rosalie's offer of advice. Rosalie's smile was beaming - happy I had agreed to listen to her. She moved closer to me now. She hovered beside me, and her honey sweet scent made me lightheaded once more. Her voice was so soft and sweet, it tickled inside my ear when she spoke.

"If you really want to drive a vampire wild...the first thing you have to do is..."

**A/N: ;-) Okay...so surprise! It's Rosalie! Yeah, I went there. LoL. Not that I didn't want to use Alice again, but I was thinking about having all the Cullens in this story at one point. So having Rosalie explain a bit about why she felt the way she did, and kind of offering a flag of truce over the past events, and her behaviour seemed like a good way to go with her. Things between them won't change overnight, but at least Bella knows why Rose acts the way she does towards her, and Rose will try to be more tolerable towards Bella from now on. I hope you all enjoyed the break from all the recent steamy scenes! :-P **

**And for anyone wondering why I wrote Rosalie this way - I decided that she would have thought about Edward and Bella being together - and that she wanted Edward to be happy. It didn't matter so much now that he did in fact reject her so long ago, or that Bella was the one he'd chosen. But also, because Rosalie does love Edward, she wants his first time with Bella to be perfect - the way her first time with Royce should have been. **

**This reasoning, to me, meshes with what happens in New Moon when Edward, Alice, and Bella return from Italy. Esme tells Edward to let Rosalie make amends in her own way, and I've decided that this is how she will do it. :)**

**But even saying that, it's not easy for Rosalie to change her ways as you saw in this chapter. She still has issues with Bella, even though she admits that it is not actually Bella's fault. But I think the main thing is that she is trying. That's all any of us can ever do - try to be better. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. But at least the effort was made. :)**

**What's in store for next chapter? I dunno either! LoL. You'll have to wait and see! ;) **


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